It snowed here yesterday, which basically means that winter has started and the weather will likely be shitty until around... May.
I've written about it before, but I was raised to tough it out. I wear a pair of gloves when it gets cold out, but I rarely zip my coat and I never wear hats, scarves, etc. This greatly seems to impact the humiliation of my previous experiences with being forced to wear what I have worn.
This past year the ache has grown stronger. The need for attention in this part of my life is ever-present and very little happens to appease the hunger.
Over the past few weeks I've mulled over the idea of wearing a pair of fur earmuffs on my way to and home from work. Nothing outrageously bad, probably something dark colored but probably just past the edge of unisex. The thought of it makes me squirm a bit and I would have to wonder if this would help.
Self-induced humiliation always feels a bit wrong... but is it better than just feeling desire? Or would it just be a reminder of how sad I feel on a daily basis? I don't know.