The Speed of Time

I remember someone once telling me that time passes as a snail's crawl while you are younger and flies when you get older.

If I delve back into my youth I remember being impatient, slowly counting the days until there was something I was really looking forward to.  It almost felt like time was standing still.  Time seemed to move at a similar type of speed throughout school and until I was done with college.  I have come to believe that having a constant set of responsibilities and time constraints kept it moving that way.  If I have a paper due Friday and an exam on Tuesday, the time from now until will move slowly.

Post-college and in a vanilla life I found time began to fly.  Days pass without notice.  Holidays and the like arrive quickly and without warning.  I feel this happens because there isn't a lot to differentiate one day from the next.  Same shit, different day.

I have frequently been accused of not being able to live in the moment.  This is true in some regards, mostly because I worry about consequences.  The most recent person to tell me this was a local friend (that I have since purged from my life) that on a whim drove to Las Vegas with his wife and blew through their entire savings on booze, drugs, whores (3-ways), and gambling in a week.  They returned broke, asking for loans, and she was pregnant with their third.

I can't say I'm the type to do anything like that.  If I spend money on myself, it is likely on something that can be resold for most of (if not all of) what I have invested in it.  It isn't fleeting.  It will be there tomorrow.  I'm not sure if this makes me boring or not.  It's just how I am wired.

The closest I come to living in the moment is during D/s-related play. It is a break from my other thoughts and stresses and I try to appreciate it for what it is and not "cheapen it" by bringing distractions into the mix.  That being said, even in play I am thinking about the long haul.  While the activity may bring pleasure, it is the bigger picture that really touches my soul.  The play is part of the dynamic.  The dynamic is what I live for.

Since I got out of school, the dynamic is the other factor that has the ability to slow time for me.  A strict dynamic returns about those feelings of responsibility and constraints.  The twinge of fear in the back of the mind... carrying with it the weight of wanting to make her proud, not wanting to be punished, and wanting to feel good about myself as a submissive is a powerful tool.  It is the series of moments within the dynamic that brings it all into perspective.  My desires are no longer my own.  My thoughts drift between the now and the near future as I mull over ideas for new ways in which I can please her.  

Altogether I find it interesting... how "same shit, different day" has such a different impact upon ourselves when it is a life that we would want to live forever.  It's almost like... how we perceive the meaning of our lives determines how quickly time seems to pass. 

I hope some of this makes sense... these are just some thoughts that stir in my heart.