There are times where I look back upon the events of my life and while I can't say that I feel good about the way that they happened, I can say that I do not regret the way that they happened.
It's a lot harder to appreciate things that come easily. When we painstakingly work and suffer for a goal, the reward feels sweeter in the end.
Would I think that love is as special as it is if I hadn't been starved of it or had every attempt for my first 20+ years fall painfully unrequited? Probably not. Every failed attempt taught me to try harder... give more of myself... until I only give my all. To give all of myself. Could I have learned that within different circumstances? Probably not.
Part of why I criticize subs taking the courting process lightly, or those that throw away the advances of a Domme is because I simply cannot picture doing that. Being chosen is the greatest feeling I have ever had. I felt so very lucky and grateful... the feeling that I had always wanted but never had... like the rest of my life was worthwhile because it led me to this point.
On some level this might seem excessive or obsessive. I have been rejected in the vanilla world for this... taking my feelings too seriously... wanting for something special to blossom too quickly. I understand that must scare some.
It seems like it is only in D/s, when a sub is asked to give more of themselves, has my approach been appreciated. Where loving with my all is appreciated more than feared. It's the only way I know how to go about things. I will endure it all to show my love for her. I will endure it all to make her smile.
I am broken... but in just the right way... to make this work.