Love and Femdom

It still strikes me as odd that the "FLR/FLM" crowd seems to announce itself as being loving with such a loud voice.

Honestly I've never even considered a long term Femdom relationship without love, nor could I ever thrive in its absence.

I also believe that this represents the vast majority of people that practice any form of lifestyle D/s.  There are a handful of cases where Femdom relationships are not loving:

1. Informal BDSM play-partner based relationships.  These are when people get together for kink-based activities without a loving relationship.  I do not believe the majority of people really shoot for relationships that don't result in something more serious, I think it just sort of happens when people have trouble finding a compatible fit, sort of like when people date without being in a relationship.

2. TPE Mistress/slave relationships.  These relationships are few few few few few and far between, and out of the ones that I have come across, the majority of them actually began as a vanilla married couple.  The process of reaching this state was a slow evolution that was heavily based upon love.  I would argue that in most cases that reach this point in this way, that there is still a great deal of love, just a change in how each party is respected by the other.  Also in those cases, this is usually a reflection of the evolved needs and desires of each party... and in such, catering to each others' needs is what people who love one another generally do.

Looking at what remains, that is, individuals that enter into a TPE situation with consent from the start.  In these situations, both parties receive what they want, but this can exist in the absence of love.  There is a good chance that after an extended period of time, there are likely strong and meaningful feelings that build, even if they would not be classified as love.

3.  Service roles in a poly-relationship.  Also, this is not really the norm but it is something you see out there now and then.  In the relationships of this type I have encountered, some have a Domme that has the capacity to love multiple subs at once.  Others usually have an alpha sub they love and the extras may or may not experience that on any level.

4.   A business relationship with a professional Dominatrix.  I don't really consider this a relationship in the nature of this discussion but it is worth mentioning.

I can't really think of more styles of Femdom relationships that are common enough to list off, but I consider the loveless types to be a tiny minority in the bigger picture.

Where is it actually common for Femdom to occur in a loveless way?  Porn and fantasy.

So... why would anyone really feel the need to go out of their way to say that the "real way" is to have love involved... when in actuality, that is the more common way when it happens in real life.

The only thing I can think of is security issues when trying to separate themselves from porn, fantasy, professional, and casual relationships.  I don't know, I guess I just don't think it's really something that's amazing... it's just what nearly everyone actually aspires for.

I think for the most part that love is required for most D/s relationships to grow and evolve.  She is demanding and he loves that about her.  He is submissive and she loves that about him.  If it's not mutually desired, mutually beneficial, and pleasurable for both parties, that usually means something is more abusive than consensual. 

I just think the world is a better place when we try to see ourselves as being similar rather than focusing on how everyone is different.