Sunday, August 14, 2016

Fiction: fs01 - Part 50


Author’s Note:  This takes place the morning after Part 49.

--------------
L

I wake gently, my eyes blinking rapidly as they adjust to the light.  The room is empty and quiet except for the sound of my breathing and the light crackle of the fireplace.  The cage door stands open with a glass of water sitting within arm’s reach.  I shake the cobwebs from my brain and drink.  It is not long before my thoughts return to Mistress and I depart in search of her. 

Outside the bedroom I see Mistress on the sofa in front of the main fireplace.  She glances up, noticing me and greeting me with a smile.  I return a smile and make my way to her.  The television above the fireplace is on a commercial and I feel Mistress’s full attention as I approach her.  She wears her idea of a “rustic” outfit that is more her and less rustic.  Blue jeans with a pair of black fur mukluks, a black cashmere turtleneck, and a black fur vest with matching headband.  She’s beautiful.  The constant pressure of the chastity belt on my sex due to morning feels its intensity spike.  I wince, disturbing my smile. 

Mistress giggles.  Barb stirs as she lies upon the sofa with her head on Mistress’s lap.  I watch her expression change.

“Is something wrong, pet?”  I swallow and blush.
“You look beautiful today, Mistress.  My body thinks so, too.” 

Mistress lets out a light chuckle.  She reaches down and gently twists Barb’s ear.
“See little Barbie, you told me you’d dress up today.  Don’t you want to feel beautiful, too?”

Barb spits out some gibberish, obviously not fully awake yet.  Mistress pets her hair. 
“pet, I got Barbie an outfit that matches mine, do you think she would look beautiful in it too?”
“Yes, Mistress, I do.”
“Tell her, not me.”
“Miss Barb, I think that a matching outfit would make you look even more beautiful than usual.”

I watch Barb’s cheeks flush red and her hands quickly cover her face. 
“Naughty, pet.  Don’t you dare try to seduce her.”

My lip quivers as my face flushes red and my body stiffens with a jolt of fear.  Mistress laughs.
“I’m joking, pet.”  She beams a smile at me.
“Present your feet.”

I lie on my back and lift my feet to her.  She turns up the cuffs on my boots and removes the locks.

“pet, I want you to put on your snow boots and coat any time you go outside today.  Go use the outhouse, wash up, and get started on breakfast.”

I return to my knees and kiss her feet.  First the right foot, then the left.  I depart and quickly take care of my business before returning and starting breakfast.  Mistress instructs me on what to prepare for them and for myself.  I serve their meal before preparing mine and eat with them kneeling on the floor near Mistress.

After breakfast I take care of the dishes and Mistress instructs me to build fires in every room.  I take care of this as quickly as I can.  Upon returning to the living room Mistress waves me to her.  Barb stands behind Mistress and looks down, hiding her face from view.  Mistress takes a large step to the side.

“So what do you think of Barbie, pet?”

Barb fidgets in her discomfort.  It’s cute to see her so shy.  Her outfit is the same as Mistress’s, with the jeans, mukluks, sweater, vest, and headband except the sweater is cream colored and the fur is red fox.  Mistress slides in behind her and rubs her hand over Barb’s breast through the fur.  Barb lets out a gasp and blushes.  I blush too as my sex strains against the belt.

“You look very sexy, Miss Barb.”  Mistress cups her other breast from behind and whispers something in her ear.

“Come closer, slave.”  Barb commands, her cheeks flushing with color as her face tries to find an expression she is content with. 

She reaches out with her hands and pinches my nipples between her thumbs and index fingers.  My mouth opens and I exhale as another failed arousal attempt rushes through me.  Barb’s hand moves to the back of my head and she pulls me in, plunging her tongue deep into my mouth. 

She pushes me away and our lips part.  Her eyes pierce mine.  She sways a little as she rubs her thighs together.

“Is it okay if I have him do it, Cass?”
“Of course, doll.”

Barb clears her throat and points to the floor.  I drop to my knees, lower my head, and kiss her feet, first the right foot, then the left. 

“Fuck, that’s hot.”  I hear her whisper under her breath. 

“Go chop firewood, pet.  The others will arrive soon.”  Mistress’s voice snaps me from my trance. 

As I walk to the coat closet I steal a glance from the corner of my eye.  Mistress sits Barb on the sofa and then climbs up and mounts her.  Their mouths lock and a sea of hands follows.  My heart stings with a twinge of jealousy.  They use me; I am their aphrodisiac. 

My mind wanders as I split the wood.  I notice the cool, crisp, clean air that doesn’t exist in the city.  While I do not enjoy the labor, I know that the others benefit from my work.  Mistress seems a little different today and I’m having trouble placing it.  She seems… cautious. 

I continue working until I hear a car horn approaching.  Theresa’s car and Dominique’s SUV approach up the driveway.  I move up to greet them.  I see the door of the cabin open and Mistress and Barb park themselves on the porch.

As the vehicles come to a halt I approach and open Theresa’s door for her. 

“Thank you, fur, it’s been a while.”
She greets me with a smile.  I nod and smile back at her.  I open B’s door followed by Lisa’s, while Sammy and Gordon attend to Dominique.  Dominique wobbles for a few steps.

“Remind me why I built a cabin so far away?”
“Because the spa at the resort is ‘to die for,’” recites Theresa as she rolls her eyes.

Theresa pops the trunk and I begin to collect her bags.  Mistress is down in the driveway greeting people.  She gives me instructions as I pass her.

“Take Theresa’s and B’s bags to the room to the left of the stairs. Lisa’s bags will go in the first room on the left.”
“fur, our bags are the red and purple ones.  Lisa’s are the brown.”

I nod and continue.  Moving the luggage takes two trips.  I sort the purple and red suitcases and group them together near the closet and dresser and feed the fireplace with a couple of fresh logs.  I repeat this with Lisa’s bags.   

I return to the living room.  The sofas have been rearranged a bit, the three of them forming a U shape in front of the large main fireplace.  Mistress and Barb sit together on one, Lisa, Theresa and B on another, and Dominique sprawls across the third, glass of wine in her hand while Sammy rubs her shoulders and Gordon massages her feet.  I deposit my coat and boots in the closet.

I approach slowly and kneel near Mistress.  She pets my head.

“slave, Sammy and Gordon will be attending to Dom.  You will be responsible for the rest of us.”
“Yes, Mistress.”  I respond in a quiet voice.
“So, Lisa, you weren’t able to convince your husband to come?”  Lisa blushes a little.
“Well… you see… he’s actually terrified of you all.”

The room erupts into a sea of voices of disbelief.

“I thought he had started submitting to you.”
“He is… in small doses.  He’s getting used to it.  I made the mistake of showing him some of the youtube videos of Dominique from the club.  They kind of freaked him out and he’s embarrassed that you will think he’s a newb.  I wish he would just be brave.” 
“That’s a shame.  You’re the only one that doesn’t have a companion.  Would you like to borrow my slave tonight?  The nights get cold if you don’t have a body to snuggle with for warmth.”

Lisa’s face blushes a bright red.  My instinct is to think it’s cute but as her eyes meet mine I realize that Mistress just offered me to her to use.  My face responds in kind with a blush of my own and the tingle in my heart resumes. 

“Let me answer you after I’ve had a few drinks Cassandra.” 

Lisa composes herself quickly.  Her confidence grows.  I notice that she no longer refers to Mistress as ‘Miss Cassandra.’  Mistress chuckles behind me.  I’m sure that she notices as well. 

The afternoon passes quickly.  Dominique gives them a tour while I prepare dinner.  Dominique sends Gordon and Sammy to assist me.  I’m happy for the help, cooking for this many people is a much bigger challenge.  Dinner is lively as everyone catches up.  Mistress has been spending less time at work and has been busy with Barb, the prison experiment and the like.  It has been a long time since I have seen them all together.  They really are good friends.  They consume many bottles of wine with dinner. 

I can’t help but feel out of place in this setting.  I know these women fairly intimately and have spent many hours one-on-one with them.  When they are together the difference is obvious.  To them I am less than a person.  The stronger they get, the more confident they become, the less I am in their eyes.  I feel myself drift a little deeper into the abyss.  I shake these thoughts from my head… the thoughts are unnecessary.  The voices no longer distract my mind. 

After dinner they return to the living room where Sammy and Gordon continue to serve wine.  I remain in the kitchen and attend to the dishes.  I find myself in the same mental space as the day before.  I scrub like a machine.  Every dish, every fork, every knife… perfect.  Fast… efficient… as Mistress would want me. 

I return to the living room and kneel next to Mistress.  I feel nothing… I simply exist.  Dominique’s voice enters clearly.

“Cass, check on your slave.  The little one is gone.” 
“slave, come here.” 

Mistress pats her lap.  I turn on my knees and shuffle toward her.  I feel her hands cup the earmuffs on my head harness and she tilts my face up toward hers.  Mistress lets out a sigh and pulls my head down to her lap.  I lay my head sideways and breathe. 
“I’m here, pet.  Come back to me.  Your Mistress is here.” 

I let out a small sniffle and I feel myself slowly shift back into my eyes… like I am returning.  She pets my head.  I inhale deeply as the scent of her perfume returns me to the present. 

“What the hell just happened, Cass?  Is this like what happened yesterday?” Barb’s voice sounds genuinely inquisitive.  Dominique responds before Mistress.

“The little one is broken.  He’s in slavespace.” 
“I don’t understand.  How could you tell all that?”
“His eyes.  The little one wasn’t there.  I’m not sure if you know this, Barbie, but I’ve broken the little one twice before.  He’s a fighter and he managed to hang on to himself.  This is something new.” 
“What is slavespace?  This isn’t making sense to me.”

Mistress chimes in.
“You aren’t a submissive, Barbie, so this might be difficult for you to understand.  Yesterday I pushed him to the point of exhaustion and loaded him up with an absurd amount of tasks to complete.  When you teased him it put him under a great deal of mental stress and he subconsciously detached in order to achieve his primary goal of pleasing me.”
“Was this my fault?” 
“Not at all, hon. I take full responsibility.  I’m a bit surprised, though.  He’s been through a lot over the past year and this is the first time I’ve seen him this deep.  I have a pretty good idea of what has changed.”   

My heart hurts.  I work up the courage to speak to Mistress.  My voice is tiny.
“Mistress, your slave is sorry.”

She continues to stroke my head.
“What are you sorry for, pet?”
“I’m sorry if I’ve become something bad… something that you don’t like.”
“You’re wrong, pet.  I’m so proud of you.  I wanted you to reach this point.  I’d been trying to take you here for years and you finally made it.  I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you, Mistress.  I love you.”

I close my eyes and nuzzle into her thighs.  I feel her heat on my cheek. 
“We just have to teach you how to come back when I want you, pet.  I’m sure you’ll make me proud.”

I feel my insides calm.  Mistress’s words and touch soothe me.  Barb leans forward on the sofa and turns back to Mistress.

“I don’t quite get this all.  So how does someone like him just become a submissive?  Why does he need it?  Why does he choose this?  It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“My pet is quite complicated but once you understand him, it’s actually quite simple.”
“Enlighten me.”
“For starters, do you want to know about the mental side of his submission or the sexual side?”
“Both.”

Dominique rises from the sofa. 
“If this is going to be a trip down memory lane I’m going to the hot tub out on the deck.  After a 6-hour car ride I don’t think I could handle another snooze-fest.  Anyone care to join me?”

B raises her hand.  She leans forward and makes eye contact with Theresa.  Theresa nods and B stands up. 

“Anyone else?”
“I’m actually pretty interested in hearing about this.”
“Suit yourself, T.  How about you, Lisa?”
“I want to hear this as well.  You don’t want to learn about what makes fur tick?”
“Nope.  But if you want to let me make him scream, send someone to come get me.”

I watch as Dominique, B, Sammy, and Gordon leave my field of vision.

“Does anyone need more wine?”

I watch a series of empty glasses rise. 
“pet…” whispers Mistress.

I rise and take the wine bottle in my hands and refill their glasses as Mistress continues talking.

“You see, pet was abused when he was young.  His father had a drinking problem and a temper and his mother was distant to say the least.  His method of coping was to try and be perfect all the time.  He wanted to earn their praise… or even their acceptance.  He wanted to be loved.”
“A lot of people are abused but they don’t end up submissive.”
“You’re correct, Barbie.  This was pet’s unique way of coping with things.  He just tried his hardest all the time, even when they kept beating him down.  This is what makes him so special to me.  He earns every ounce of love I give him and he always continues to try his hardest all the time.  It’s like his experiences made him for this life.”

I finish with the wine and return to my kneeling position near Mistress.

“Interesting.  So instead of just becoming an abusive alcoholic or checking out emotionally he just kept on going on the glimmer of hope that things would get better?”
“Exactly.”
“Wow.  That’s rare.  So what about the sex stuff?  Even with that attitude that wouldn’t have made him get off on this lifestyle.”
“You are correct.  His experiences outside of the home are what firmly shaped him.  Pet, do you want to tell them about Brittany, or should I?”

I feel my chest twist into knots and my face burns red.  My eyebrows sag.  Mistress reads me like a book.  I feel my breathing get heavy.  If I have to relive this shame I would rather her tell things.

“When pet was young there was a neighborhood girl that he was friends with.  Her name was Brittany.  Their fathers were friends and drinking buddies.  Her father was an abusive drunk as well, so there were times when they knew their fathers were out drinking that they would stay together even after the other kids went home for the evening.”
“So Brittany was Jenny to his Forrest?”  Mistress laughs.

“I guess you could put it that way.  pet wanted to protect her more than anything because she was kind to him.  I think it’s safe to say that he loved her before he knew what love was.” 

I tilt my head and place it back on Mistress’s lap.  My face is on fire.  The past embarrasses me because I know what comes next.

“Her parents divorced while they were still in elementary school.  Brittany went with her mother who quickly moved in with and remarried a doctor that lived in the wealthy neighborhood on the other side of town.  She transferred to private school for K-9.”
“What happened to him?”
“With Brittany gone he turned his energy to pleasing his parents.  He got straight A’s and excelled at sports but never made many friends.  pet’s parents divorced while he was in junior high and pet stayed with his mother while his father moved away.  His mother went on a string of dating various men and pet was left pretty much by himself.  Upon entering high school pet was injured in sports and he had to quit playing all of them.  He didn’t have any friends and was a bit chubby.” 
“Where does Brittany fit into this then?”

“Brittany returned to pet’s high school in 10th grade.  She had fully blossomed and had become very pretty and popular.   pet noticed her immediately and hoped to get her attention but he was so shy that he mostly just watched her from a distance as she was almost always surrounded by her friends.  I’m sure this will embarrass him badly but Brittany wore a lot of fur; vests and coats as the weather permitted.  As pet would stare at her from a distance he became completely smitten with her but she never acknowledged him.” 

I bury my face in Mistress’s lap.  I want to disappear.

“During the winter of that year one of Brittany’s friends approached pet and told him that Brittany wanted to speak with him after school and to meet by the bathrooms near the cafeteria.  He was so excited at the possibility of reuniting with his childhood friend.  When he arrived, two girls escorted him into the girl’s bathroom where Brittany was waiting.”

I let out a pained moan.

“What happened next?”
“A group of girls were there with Brittany.  They stripped him naked, duct taped his wrists and ankles to the stall, wrote things on him with permanent marker, and took Polaroids of him.”

Barb roars with laughter.  I whimper into Mistress’s lap.
“Really?  I didn’t think people actually did stuff like that.”
“Brittany then used those Polaroids to blackmail pet into doing whatever she wanted him to do, basically making him her personal slave.  She would make him walk to her house after school while she drove home with her friends where they would tease him and make him do their homework and the like.”
“Why didn’t he just take the Polaroids by force?”
“You see, pet still loved Brittany.  He was so happy that she was back in his life that he just went along with it.”
“Didn’t their parents notice anything?”
“Well, pet’s mother was never home.  Brittany’s mother and stepfather traveled all the time and would just let her stay at home with a pile of cash and a credit card.  To pet, it was either this or being alone.” 

I feel tears trickle down the sides of my eyes into Mistress’s jeans. 

“Why didn’t he just make new friends or something?”
“Brittany demanded that he be available at any time.  She even got him a pager.  He had no time to make friends.  If rumor spread that a girl had a crush on pet, Brittany would have one of her friends tell the girl that pet was gay or that he called her a skank.  He spent all of high school without friends and no girlfriend.  All he had was Brittany.” 
“I still don’t understand how this led to him being a submissive.”

“pet, tell Barbie what you did every night after you walked home from Brittany’s.”

I whimper and shake my head back and forth in her lap.
“pet, tell her or you’ll get the strap.”

I let out a light sob.  I close my eyes as tight as I can.

“I would masturbate thinking about her.”
“Louder, pet.”
“Every night I would masturbate while thinking about Brittany.”

I lower my head and weep.  Mistress’s hands pet my head.

“What the fuck?  Seriously?  That’s messed up.”
“I don’t think so, Barbie.  I think pet did the best he could in a messed up situation.  None of that was his choice.  He punished himself enough for it over the years.  It kept him single throughout college and most of his 20’s.  It also made him a perfect fit for me.  Venus in Furs seeks a Severin to compliment her Wanda.  My pet is my perfect fit… my perfect compliment.  I love him like no one else.”

I snuggle my face into her leg.  I love my Mistress.  She is the one in this world that gets me.  She is the one in this world that makes me feel like I have purpose.  I feel like I was made just for her. 

“Cassandra, I want to use fur tonight if that’s okay.” 

I look up and see Lisa.  Her face is flushed and she’s obviously drunk.  She lets out a small burp and her color shifts to a deeper shade of red. 

“Of course, Lisa.  He’s all yours.”

I blush a little, knowing that I’m being passed around like a toy.  I do not mind.  Lisa is special to me. 

“Make me proud, pet.” Mistress whispers to me.  I smile and feel warm inside.  I am proud that I am hers. 

Mistress taps my shoulder.  I lift my head and she stands.  I rise with her and I feel her arms embrace me.  I bury my face into her fur vest and inhale the scent of her perfume. 
“I love you, Mistress.” I whisper back to her.  She smiles at me.

I feel my emotions uncoil a bit.  It’s a strange sensation… when Mistress chooses to expose me so openly in front of others.  I know that she believes in me and trusts that I am strong enough to handle it.  This is her inner-circle and they have already accepted me.  It doesn’t make it easier, feeling the layers stripped away for all to see.  I think Mistress wants them to see me the way she sees me… the depth of my vulnerability… the core of my being fully exposed. 

“Let’s head to the bedroom, Barbie.”  Mistress takes her by the hand and they leave together.

“I’m going to go check on B, maybe soak in the hot tub for a few.”  Theresa heads toward the back door where the deck is located.

Lisa looks up at me from the sofa.  Her red face hovers around as she forces her eyes to stay open.  The drunk version of Lisa is rather adorable.  I extend my hand to her and help her up.  She stands and teeters a little, slumping into my chest.  I hoist her into my arms, Princess style and carry her to her room.  She closes her eyes and smiles. 

We reach the bedroom and I set the lights to a dim setting and I carefully set her on her feet.  She wobbles a little and braces herself with my arm.  I watch as Lisa kicks off her shoes and slips out of her jeans leaving them in a mound on the floor.  She stumbles a bit as she steps on the toes of her socks and yanks them off her feet.  Lisa grabs a small bag from her luggage and slumps down on a large chair in the corner.  She rifles through it with purpose, eventually dumping its contents out onto the table and grabs the large purple vibrator in her hands. 

She slides down into the chair, slouching badly, her pink cotton panties peaking out from under her oversized sweater. 

“fur, worship my feet.” 
“Yes, Miss Lisa.” 

I approach her and kneel.  She lifts her right leg to me and I take it gently in my hands.  She throws her left leg over the armrest of the chair.  I gently kiss the top of her foot.  I caress the bottom of her foot, starting at the ball before working my thumbs to the arch.  I hear the buzz of the vibrator as she teases her clit through her panties.  She moans as I continue to rub her foot.  I work my way to her heel and I sense the change in her breathing.  Her chest rises and falls as the moans grow deeper.  I cover the top of her foot in kisses before taking her big toe in my mouth.  I suck lightly while my tongue massages the bottom of the toe. 

Her left leg twitches as her moans become constant.  I slowly move on to the next toe as I continue to massage the bottom of her foot with my thumbs.  I swish the suction over it while I press and flick my tongue.  She lets out a cry as her body pulses and shakes, her pelvis bucks as Lisa enjoys her first orgasm. 

I continue to work my way down her toes.  It’s not long before the vibrator is in place again, stimulating her clit as she squirms and moans in the chair.  Lisa is usually so shy.  I am honored that she feels comfortable enough with me to share this level of intimacy.  She is becoming able to just say what she wants. 

As I suck on her pinky toe her body convulses with its second orgasm.  I lower her foot with my hands getting ready to switch legs. 
“Kiss the bottom.”

Her directness surprises me.  This is new.  My brain makes a snap decision.  Lifting her foot higher doesn’t feel right so I adjust my body and slide onto my back and kiss her foot from below.  I gently outline her foot from the ball to the heel and back.  Lisa makes some noises that aren’t quite a moan or a laugh, they just sound like ‘joy.’

She retrieves her foot from me and lowers her left leg.  I return to my knees and take her left foot in my hands and kiss it.  The vibrator resumes its work.  My well-practiced hands start their massage, working her foot thoroughly and gently from front to back.  Lisa arches her back in the chair and breathes deeply.  As I take her big toe into my mouth I feel her body buck again as she cums.  My lips… my tongue… the suction… her body reacts more lively as I go.  Each toe, one by one.  She cums again as I reach the pinky.  I hear the vibrator stop as my tongue continues its work. 

I release her toe from my mouth and move again to my back.  I shower the bottom of her foot in kisses as Lisa coos and squirms above me.  I return to my knees as she rises and leans forward in the chair. 

“Thank you for the privilege of pleasing you, Miss Lisa.”

Her face remains red, a half-smile on her face.  Her eyes hang heavy.  Her hand grabs the back of my head and pulls me to her as she kisses me on the mouth.  The kiss is gentle, her tongue traces the outline of my lips before she leans away.  I watch her take a deep breath and exhale slowly. 

“Lean onto the bed, face down.”
“Yes, Miss Lisa.”

I rise from my knees and lean onto the bed.  I feel her hand caress my buttocks.  Smack, her palm connects with my butt cheek.  My body bucks and I let out a small grunt.  Smack, she slaps the other cheek. 

“That’s for getting me all worked up.”  She lets out a small laugh.
“Stand up and give me your hands.”  I stand and turn and watch as she picks up her jeans and digs through the pockets.  She approaches and turns back the sides of the muff, locking my wrists to the internal chain before turning them up and cinching the ends. 

“Get in bed.  You’ll be warming my body tonight.”

I nod and climb onto the bed.  Lisa dims the lights to a faint glow and crawls on after me.  Under the covers she presses her body against mine.  I am the little spoon.  I feel the heat of her sex and the dampness of her panties against my rear.  Her arm wraps around my chest and she gently squeezes my nipple.  She whispers in my ear.

“Naughty.”

Within a couple of minutes I hear her gentle snore.  Her warm breath flows onto my neck. 

Exhaustion sets in on my tired mind.  As I drift off my spirit feels rejuvenated.  The different feelings of pleasing someone instead of being used for pleasure...  I feel like Mistress gave Lisa to me instead of me to Lisa. 

END ACT

A Very Good Read

I don't do a lot of reblogging but I enjoyed reading this quite a bit:
https://dominajen.com/2016/08/14/sounds-like-jesse/

This is a post from a poly Domme about part of her process of conditioning a sub in a long-term relationship with the end goal of TPE and the psychological/emotional responsibilities involved.  

Bravery, frustrations, and late night rants

I decided today that I'm pretty much done with Fetlife.

The negative hostility finally got to me.  None of the negative hostility was directed at me but I can't imagine why I would continue to subject myself to that type of environment.  I gave it about two months and did my best to interact in ways that I could, hoping for discussion and the like.

What I found is that the majority of people there aren't really interested in discussion.  Soap boxing, back patting when someone has identical views, and treating people badly seems to be the norm on active groups.  I think what bothers me most is the tendency for people to chase the low-hanging fruit.  Comments that are well-thought and provide interesting perspectives are generally ignored since people can't easily agree with them or easily try to make the poster feel like a jack-ass.

I think the last straw for me was when a Domme posted that it is a myth that submissive men outnumber Dominant women.  If I wasn't already feeling like I had one foot out the door I think I would have wanted to vomit.  This is the most obvious thing about BDSM.  I don't understand why someone would willingly reject it just to support their own ideas.  In my younger days I may have snapped into keyboard warrior mode, but I have no energy for those types of shenanigans anymore.

I will still log in there as I did meet one person I enjoy corresponding with and one of my blog readers uses that site as our primary means of communication, but damn, I really don't see much of a point in trying to take part in anything.  I'd be better off just searching uploaded photos for jerk off material.

Some recent correspondence with a sub there has led me to something else that has nagged me over the years.  Most people are cowards.  I've always felt this way on many levels but I've never realized just how ill-prepared many people are emotionally to face relationships.

For much of my life I have hoped to consider myself emotionally strong.  I succeed in some areas and I am definitely weak in others, but as a whole, I have no trouble being committed, dedicated, or loyal.  I have no trouble seeing things through.  I fully understand that life carries both good and bad and weathering through the ups and downs is what makes us who we are.

I  never felt brave until recently when I have seen so many people who are completely mortified at the idea of truly loving someone... being truly vulnerable to someone... being willing to make sacrifices for someone.  I've never felt brave for doing these things and I think these are crucial in successful vanilla relationships let alone D/s ones.  It's like people don't want to trust someone else unless they see that person as infallible.  Like... seriously?  People don't want to trust unless the other person is perfect?  They expect someone else to accept them with their imperfections but don't want their partner to have any?

I guess I just don't get it.  It's times like these where I don't mind that I'm so screwed up.  I do a lot of what I do because I can't picture someone loving me if I don't.  What is even crazier is that I don't expect a partner to reciprocate those things.  I do not mind if I love them unconditionally but they require conditions of me to love me back.  I do not mind being wholly vulnerable and exposed while they are selective in what they show me.  I do not mind if I am the one that makes the sacrifices and compromises for the good of the relationship.  This is the way that my brain works.

I've never considered this brave until I was aware of just how few people can or will do this.  I don't even know if brave is the right word.  Is it better described as stupid?  Desperate?

I don't really know.  The only thing I am sure of is that I actually don't mind myself at the moment... in all of my fucked-up glory.

Friday, August 12, 2016

Fiction: fs01 - Part 49


Author’s Note:  This takes place several weeks after part 48.

XLIX

“So just how far away is this cabin, Cass?”
“A few more miles, Barbie.  I swear, you’re like traveling with a child.”
“Are we almost there yet?  Are we almost there yet?”  Barb makes her voice shrill and as annoying as possible.  Mistress doesn’t take the bait.

I can’t see much from the pet carrier in the back.  The rear gate blocks my view and all I can make out are the tops of the trees and clouds.  It feels like we’ve been driving for hours.

I listen in on the banter coming from the front seat.  Mistress and Barb have continued to grow closer.  Barb is over almost every day and spends the night most of the time.  She’s a regular fixture at meal times and seems to bring out the best in Mistress.  The way they go at each other you’d guess they had known each other since childhood and not just a few weeks. 

I feel the car lurch and we go down a small incline.  Based upon our speed I guess that we are in a driveway.  The road winds back and forth and rises again as we come to a halt.  I hear their doors open and the car bounces as they depart.  The back gate rises and light penetrates the carrier.  I squint adjusting to the brightness of the sun reflecting off the snow.  I slowly climb out.  Mistress stretches and arches her back.  Barb lights a cigarette and paces around. 

“Why did we come out to the cold-ass middle of nowhere again?”
“But look at the clean, crisp air.  You’d be plenty warm if you put your fur coat back on like I told you to.”
“Yes, Mistress.” Barb’s sarcasm oozes through in a mongoloid voice, probably intending to mock me.
“Oh, is that so little Barbie.  I just might have to spank you in that case.”
“Uh uh, no way.” 

I smile as Mistress chases Barb around in a circle, swinging her purse at Barb’s rear.  My knees wobble as the circulation returns to my legs.  I don’t think I’ve ridden that long in the carrier without a break before. 

“Seriously, Cass.  Why did we come here instead of someplace warm?”
“This is an extra special cabin.”
“What’s so special about it?  The fact that it’s the farthest place outside of civilization that you could find?”

I scan the area surrounding us.  A stretch of snow-covered fields and rolling hills separate us from the main road.  The main cabin is a very large log building.  I had expected something fairly rustic but this is would rival most mansions.  A large multi-car garage sits to its right and a shed to the left up against the woods line. 

“This is Dominique’s cabin, Barbie… so it has all kinds of special ‘amenities’ you can’t find at a standard vacation spot.”
“Like what?  It has a dungeon in the basement?” 
Mistress laughs heartily.
“Yes.  Fully stocked and kept plenty cold.  There’s no central heating but every room has its own fireplace.”
“That’s kind of fucked up, Cass.  How many rooms is this place?  That must use up an ass-load of wood.”
“I think it has something like 9 guest rooms plus the master bedroom.  I’m sure it’s a lot of work to maintain but that’s why we brought a slave.  Which reminds me.  slave, quit dawdling and start unloading the luggage.”

I snap to attention and nod and bow in her direction.  I watch Mistress and Barb head towards the front door before setting forth on my task.  It feels like Mistress must have brought every piece of luggage she owns.  It takes me several trips to move it all. 

I close the front door behind me.  Mistress approaches carrying a glass of wine. 

“Our room is going to be the 3rd door on the left.  Build a fire in the living room and in that room.  When you have finished with that, unpack our things and store all of them neatly in the closet and the dresser.  After that, build a fire in every room and open their doors.  When you have finished, you’ll prepare our dinner, take my snowboard and skis into the garage and wax them, and then shovel the walkways before working on chopping firewood.”

I lower my eyes and nod, taking careful note of all the assigned tasks.  I turn to pick up a bag when Mistress clears her throat.  I turn back, kneel, and kiss her feet. First the right foot, then the left.  She grins an evil grin as her eyes pierce mine.  She will punish me for my thoughtlessness. 

It takes me nearly two hours to complete the first of the chores.  By now the cabin has warmed up bit and Mistress has changed into her robe, slippers, and hat.  She lounges on the sofa near the fire while Barb lies with her as they sip wine and whisper back and forth. 

I head to the kitchen and prepare dinner.  It takes me a while to locate everything but the kitchen is huge with all new stainless steel appliances and high-end cookware.  I serve dinner at the large dining table.  My knees bob back and forth as I stand at attention. 

“What an ill-mannered and undisciplined slave we have here.”  I freeze in place as Mistress’s words cut into me and my face flushes a bright red.  I watch her face contort as she bursts into a giggle that transforms into a laugh. 
“Such a silly slave.  The boys’ bathroom is an outhouse on the far side of the shed.  You may use it now.”
I hustle through the house and out the front door.  The snow is deep and I trudge through it to the shed.  I find the small wooden outhouse and relieve myself.  The sun is low and it’s freezing out.  I run back to the cabin, enter, and wash my hands at the kitchen sink before returning to Mistress.

“Oh, pet, you really do provide all the entertainment I’ll ever need.”  Mistress chides, probably a bit tipsy from the wine. 

I smile and feel a warmth crawl into my heart.  My Mistress… I love her.

After they finish eating I tend to the dishes.  As I move to the door, Mistress calls out and stops me. 

“slave, check the storage compartment in the back of the car.  There should be a duffel bag in there.  Retrieve it.” 

I nod and bow and head outside to Mistress’s SUV.  I open the back gate and pop open the storage compartment, gathering the bag and returning it inside.  I approach the sofa where Mistress and Barb snuggle together and set the bag down.  She motions her hand and I open it.  

Inside the duffel I find my coat, boots, and mittens from home. 

“It’s cold outside, pet.  Make sure you stay warm.” 

I smile and blush.  I lay on my back and present my feet to her.  She turns up the fur cuffs on my boots and unlocks the buckles.  I quickly slip into my snow boots and put on my coat and mittens.

“Now make sure to model them for Barbie, pet.”

A sudden wave of self-consciousness crashes down on me.  My face burns red with shame and I want to hide it with my hands. 

Barb makes a ‘pffft’ sound before her lips part into a wide grin. 
“You are so evil, Cass.  Do you make him wear that at home?”
“Of course, that’s what he wears when I take him for a drive or when he shovels snow.”

Barb holds her stomach as she cracks up in laughter.  My face contorts as my stomach knots up.  I should be used to this feeling by now.  It still hurts in just the right way. 

“Come closer, slave.” 

I approach the sofa with tiny steps; my fingers fidget inside the mittens.  Barb turns her full attention to me and leans forward on the couch.  Her fingers slide across the coat, giving it small tugs and twists. 

“That’s such a cute shade of pink on you, slave.  The coat and boots did it, I can no longer even picture you as a man.  Your Mistress told me this would happen but I didn’t believe her.” 

My brow furrows into a concerned look.  They whisper together and giggle.  I feel my insides sink deep into the abyss.  I no longer feel like a man.  Their lips meet and they peck tiny kisses onto each other.  Mistress waves her hand and I respond with a nod of my head, a bow, and I depart.  My mind enters an unfamiliar realm.  I wax Mistress’s skis and snowboard like a machine.  No distractions, no thoughts, I merely complete my tasks.  I shovel the walkways.  I split firewood.  I do not notice the cold air or the clear and starry night.  I bring a stack of the freshly cut wood into the cabin.

The door shuts behind me.  I hear Mistress’s voice. 

“slave, feed the fires in the living room and our bedroom.  Make sure they have enough wood to burn through the night.”

My response is automatic and without thought.  I add several pieces of wood to the fire in the bedroom, keeping several logs spare in its carrier.  I proceed to the living room and repeat the process.  Upon completing the tasks I remove my coat and mittens, change back into my normal boots, and store them neatly in the coat closet.  I return to the living room and stand at attention behind the sofa where Mistress and Barb snuggle together. 

“slave, come here and kneel.” 

I move to the other side of the sofa and drop to my knees, placing my hands inside the muff. 

“Was it cold out there?”

I have no response.  I don’t know if it was or not.  Her eyes meet mine. 

“pet.  See me.”
“He’s looking right at you, Cass.”
“pet.  See your Mistress.”

She sits up.  Barb slides across the couch.  Mistress turns her body and faces me.  She places her arms around me and hugs.  She buries my face in the fur collar of her robe.  I inhale deeply, the scent of her perfume penetrates every ounce of my soul.  I feel my head awaken. 

“pet… I’m here pet.”
My eyes tear up and I begin to sniffle.  I don’t know why. 
“It’s okay, pet.  It’s okay.”

I whimper and sob into her shoulder.  She rocks me in her arms. 
“My pet.  I love my pet.”

She presses her cheek against mine.  I feel my heart fill with warmth and love. 
“I love you, Mistress.” 
“pet.  You’re freezing.  I want you to take a bath.  Use the bathtub in our bathroom.  I want you to soak for at least 30 minutes, okay?”
“Yes, Mistress.  Thank you.”

Mistress unlocks me from my uniform.  When she finishes I kneel and kiss her feet.  First the right foot, then the left.  I depart to their bedroom and fill the tub.  It’s a very large tub and takes a good while to fill.  I undress and slowly slide into the water.  The water feels scorching, my skin must really be cold.  I find the soap and a washcloth and begin to clean myself while my aching joints soak in the warm water. 

Mistress enters after several minutes carrying a plate and a glass.  She pulls a chair up to the tub and sits.  She hands me the plate. 

“Eat it all, pet.” 

I smile at her.  I take the plate and find a turkey sandwich.  My body inhales the food.  I must have been famished.  She passes me the glass of orange juice.  I guzzle it down with a series of gulps.  I set the plate and glass down next to the tub and look up at Mistress.  She smiles.  I smile back.

”Thank you, Mistress.”

She doesn’t answer; her response is a loving gaze that makes my chest tingle. 

“If you have to use the bathroom tonight pet, use the one by the kitchen.  I don’t want you going back outside tonight.” 

I nod and feel warm in my heart.  She worries about me.  I feel my energy return.  I quickly finish cleaning myself and dry myself off.  A garment bag hangs from the door, I’m guessing it is a change of uniform.  I dress for her and at its completion I present myself for the locks.  She tightens up the buckles and secures me in with a series of clicks.  I kneel and kiss her feet.  First the right foot, then the left. 

“Take care of these dishes, brush your teeth, and get ready for bed.”
“Yes, Mistress.  I love you.”
“I love you too, pet.”

I quickly take care of my finishing tasks, making sure to add a few logs to the fire in the living room before returning and doing the same in the bedroom.  Mistress guides me to the cage in the far corner of the bedroom and I crawl inside.  She hands me a small blanket and pillow before closing the gate behind me. 

My eyes sag with exhaustion.  I doze off to the sounds of kisses and moans coming from the direction of the king size bed.

END ACT

Thursday, August 11, 2016

fs01 Update

Just a quick note but I have decided to change the recent bonus chapters into the start of Arc 7.

I had originally intended Wine II to be a one-night-stand but due to popular demand I was able to build up some character chemistry with Barb and it works as a starting point for this next arc.

I usually treat bonus chapters as optional content, but if Barb is going to become a recurring character this content isn't actually optional :)

Wine II is now Part 47.
Barb is now Part 48.

Part 49 is in the works.  

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Ambisextrous

I'm kind of bummed that they already claimed this word to be "attracted to both sexes."  They already have bisexual... not sure why they needed to steal it.

It would be a lot funnier if Ambisextrous meant someone had the ability to rub one out with either hand :)

Just sayin', ya know?

Fiction: fs01 - Part 48


Author’s Note:  This takes place after Part 47.

Changed to Arc 7, Part 48.  Originally posted as Arc 6 Bonus Chapter - Barb

-------------------------------------
XLVIII


Barb isn’t a submissive.  She isn’t a Domme.  She’s not a switch either.  I try not to give her a label but if I did, I would say she is a bottom.  She’s kinky and very sexual.  She is willful.  She enjoys teasing and being teased.  She doesn’t mind sharing and isn’t possessive.  I have trouble reading her but she seems accustomed to poly. 

I had written her off as a one-night stand and I believe Mistress did as well.  She was surprised when Barb called again and just wanted to hang out.  Barb is fun.  She doesn’t “need” Mistress for anything; she has a rewarding career and is very stable emotionally.  She’s the opposite of Kimmy. 

I find her a little bit fascinating.  She visits a few days a week and has hit it off quite well with Mistress’s friends.  Mistress has ordered me to submit to her, which is why I address her as Barb while the others still call her Barbie, a nickname that she hates.  Barb interacts with everyone as equals except for me.  She isn’t threatened by me and has nothing to prove.  She’s confident and uninhibited.  Sometimes I am a curiosity, sometimes an annoyance, and she takes advantage of my services without hesitation. 

Barb and Mistress are becoming close friends.  They hang out and talk, go out together, and continue to play and have sex.  Sometimes they include me and sometimes they don’t.  I accept her as Mistress accepts her. 

Mistress takes a lot of time to expose Barb to new things.  She allows Barb to explore different aspects of BDSM and occasionally they play dress-up, where Mistress teases her by dressing up her “Barbie doll” with the various types of leather and fur clothing that she enjoys so much.  I can’t tell if Barb truly enjoys it but she definitely enjoys seducing Mistress and I can tell when she feels sexy. 

I get a sense that Barb fills a need that Mistress doesn’t get for me.  My feelings about it are complicated but when I see how alive it makes Mistress, the feelings aren’t bad.  Mistress continues her usual unpredictable “balance” of intimacy, normal protocol, and “slave driver” mode.  Having a low-maintenance companion adds to her life in both  social and sexual ways.  I experience new things too, so it would be a lie to say I haven’t enjoyed this at least a little.

Today I find myself with my hands chained inside my muff.  I sprawl at an angle on a papasan chair in Mistress’s room seated on Barb’s lap in a way where our bodies are pressed together but she doesn’t have to bear my weight.  Mistress watches us from the bed.

“So like this, Cass?”

Barb grinds her hips.  The Reverb strap-on that extends from between her legs parts my ass cheeks while its shaft slides below me and wedges itself between my thighs.  She thrusts it forward and back as my thighs provide the friction.  The shifting in her breath on my neck tells me she’s doing it correctly.  She lets out a low moan and her fingers pinch and twist my nipples. 

“That’s perfect, Barbie.”

My pulse races and my body tingles.  I hate this but the nipple stimulation makes my head spin.  I let out a whimper.

“So this is what it feels like to have a cock and fuck someone.  It’s kind of hot.  Your slave must really hate this.”
“If only you knew how he’s been violated.  I can order him to tell you all about it if you like.”

I shut my eyes tight and cringe.  My only solace is that she isn’t actually penetrating me.
“In fact, the way you’re fucking his hips right now is probably bringing back some memories, isn’t it slave?  Do you want to tell her about Lauren?”

I lower my head and feel my chest knot up. 
“That’s okay, Cass.  If you felt his body right now, that’s probably not a good idea.” 

Barb continues to increase the strength and depth of her thrusts.  She whispers in my ear without breaking rhythm.

“I’ve never fucked a sissy before.  Should I make you beg for it like a slut?  Or should I just have my way with you and watch you struggle?”

I respond in a tiny voice.
“Please don’t do that.”  I feel my eyes get misty and I’m unable to stop it.
“So… you like to be raped… taken up the ass… while you cry out, ‘oh no, please stop, help me, help me.’ is that it?”
“Please Miss Barb, the slave doesn’t like that.” 
“That’s cute, I’m supposed to care what a slave likes and dislikes?” 

She begins to slam her hips against mine.  The force of her thrusts rubs violently against my skin as the end of the dildo plunges deep between my thighs.  I feel her teeth gently bite the back of my neck.  I quietly sob. 

“Hey Cass, does your slave always cry like this when he’s going to get fucked?”
“He does, Barbie, isn’t it delightful?”
“I feel kind of bad saying this, but it’s kind of hot.  It makes me want to fuck him for real.”

I mouth some words, barely audible above her gasps for air as she pounds away.
“No no no no… please no…”

She grabs my head and turns it toward her.  Her face beams a wicked smile.  Her eyes show focus and intent.  A fresh tear streams down my face.  She extends her tongue and licks my cheek; I feel her barbell piercing glide along the wet skin. 

“Salty.”  She giggles. 
“I want to drink your tears!” she growls in a fake demon voice. 

I feel her abdomen bounce as she bursts into a heavy laugh.  Mistress laughs with her.
“Where did that come from?  You’re such a dork, Barbie.” 
“I’ve just always wanted to say that.”
“You’ll really have to get to know Dominique better.  That sounds like something she would say and actually mean it.”
“No shit?”
“Tell her, slave.”

“Yes, Mistress, that does sound like a Miss Dominique line.”  I can’t contain my smile. 

Barb’s hips gradually slow. 
“Well, fuck.  That dried me up.”
“It was your fault, Barbie.”  Mistress giggles.
Barb lets out a ‘pshaw,’ her breath dances on the back of my neck.

“slave, put your lips and tongue to work.  Get her back in the mood.”

My brain does a double take.  While Mistress has let others use me before, this is my first time being ordered by her to perform such an act in her presence.  I feel a swirl of nervousness, confusion and excitement.

We both climb off the papasan chair.  I struggle without being able to use my hands, slowly sliding off and onto my knees.  I watch as she gently extracts the double-ended dildo from inside of her.  She tilts her head back and slowly exhales as it leaves her.  She tosses it onto the floor and secures the purple robe around her waist. 

Barb slumps back down onto the papasan, parting the lower half of the robe and sliding forward so that her pelvis reaches the edge.  She spreads her legs revealing her shaved crotch and a small hood piercing.  From this angle I see her pierced naval as well, the jewelry poking out from the base of the robe. 

I lean toward her slowly and take in the unfamiliar scent of her sex.  I feel my sex strain against the belt.  My lips gently kiss her clit.  I feel her twitch beneath me.  I place my lips over it and form a gentle suction.  I flatten my tongue and gradually apply pressure.  I feel it stiffen under its wet touch.  I flip my tongue back and forth over her clit.  It’s not long before her thighs clamp firmly to the sides of my head. 

I press my tongue and rub it back and forth between the piercing and her erect clit.  Her pelvis rises to meet me.  I’ve found her sweet spot.  Her breathing becomes erratic as her torso rises and falls, twists and turns.  I imagine her hands violently gripping the chair’s cushion.  I change up the motion, increasing pressure and teasing her in circles.  A pelvic thrust provides immediate feedback. 

I feel a tug on the leather straps of my head harness.  Her hands pull and mash my face into her sex.  She grinds with increased leverage.  I increase my speed and pressure.  Her moans fill the room around me.  I change my tongue’s shape as I circle her, increasing the rubbing between her clit and the metal jewelry.  Barb’s voice pulses out rhythmic cries flowing with the speed of my tongue, her hands and pelvis jam my face in firmer, stronger, she’s at the brink. 

A final warbling cry… her body convulses once… twice… her hips arch.  I feel her juices coat my face.  Her hands throw my head back and I topple to the floor.  I lay on my side, glancing up at her.  Her right hand grasps the papasan’s frame while her left rubs her breast.  Her body slowly writhes as she rubs her thighs together. 

“So how was he?  I trust that got you moist enough.”
“That was wonderful, Cass. Just what I needed.  How often can I use him?”
“Whenever you want to, hon.”

I feel like Barb pictures me as a vibrator… or just a masturbation toy.  My head is spinning so much that I’m not sure if I care or not.  I roll over in an attempt to get up when I catch sight of Mistress.

She must have changed clothes while we were occupied.  I’m awestruck at her beauty.  Mistress stands with her legs spread, her black, thigh-high boots extending out from beneath her silver fox fur stroller.  The large matching hat frames her face as she gazes down on me from above.  Her eyes show her in predator mode.  When she dresses this way it means that the Mistress/slave dynamic is on in full force.  The coat hangs open, revealing enough of herself to show that she is naked underneath.  My sex strains against the belt. 

She places her gloved hands on her hips and smirks. 

“As much as I love to have the slave present the Goddess with her crown, it seems like a waste to unlock your hands just for that.  It wouldn’t be right to keep Barbie waiting.”

I quickly rise to my knees and then prostrate myself into a bow.  She picks up a dildo gag from the dresser and approaches me, shoving the papasan’s displaced ottoman back towards the chair with her boot.  I accept the gag without resistance.  It was part of the original uniform set but this is my first time using it.  My only experience with one of these gags was with my first visit to Dominique.  I watch as she coats it in lube. 

Mistress tugs on the ring on my collar and leads me to the ottoman.  She straightens it in front of Barb and gives a tug on my collar.  I lean my upper body over it, holding the dildo a few inches away from Barb’s sex. 

“Are you serious, Cass?”
“Of course.  I’ve always wanted to try this.  Is little Barbie going to be a prude?”
“Fuck.”  Barb shakes her head and then her eyes pierce mine.
“What are you waiting for, slave, an invitation?”

I blush a little as I slowly guide the dildo toward her sex.  I jockey it at its opening and slide it inside her.  She leans her head back and exhales as its depth penetrates her. 

Smack.  I grunt and lurch forward feeling the bite of the leather paddle on my buttocks.  Barb lets out a moan.  My skin throbs and begins to pulse.  Smack.  I buck again, plunging the dildo deep within.  Smack.  The impact knocks the breath out of me as my body instinctively reacts to the blow.  Smack.  I whimper beneath the gag and lunge forward again.  Barb moans harder.  I feel her legs adjust, her heels dig into my back. 

Smack.  Tears well up and Barb grinds her pelvis to meet me.  Mistress controls the pace of this little game.  Smack.  I press in deeper.  I watch her chest rise and fall as she arches her back.  That is my last clear vision before the tears blur and obscure my view. 

“Faster!” Barb calls out desperately between moans. 
“Demanding are we?”
“Faster, please?” The sarcastic doubt in her voice yields a laugh from Mistress.  I brace myself.

Smack.  Smack.  I buck twice, the cries of my voice muffled by the gag.  Barb’s moans pulse with my thrusts.  Smack.  Smack.  My whimpers turn to sobs as the leather stings my skin.  My rear burns and throbs.  Smack.  Smack.  My body thrashes around in motions beyond my control.  Smack.  Smack.  Barb’s pitch rises and her legs begin to pound against my shoulders and back.  Smack, smack.  Smack, smack.

Mistress increases the pace of her blows and my mind spins out of control, pain blots out any hope of logic or reason.  My last coherent thought is realizing I am just their sex toy… and that I don’t mind at all.  Smack, smack.  The pace of the blows speeds up and Barb’s reactions follow suit.  Her pelvis thrusts violently against the gag, plunging it deeper.  The pain continues to build increasing the intensity of my body’s reactions. 

My face soaks in a stream of tears and Barb’s juices.  Her legs pound as her body writhes wildly; she is close.  Smack, smack.  Smack, smack.  Smack, smack.  Deeper, harder, faster.  Her thighs grip my head.  A ferocious cry bellows out from her abdomen.  She ejaculates violently, thrashing her body with each spasm.  I feel her thighs release my head.  The blows from the paddle cease. 

“Get out.” 
Barb shoves my shoulders with her heels and I withdraw.  I continue to sob quietly, my exhausted body slumps on the ottoman. 

“Oh my God, Cass, that was intense.”
“Is little Barbie ready for another round?”
“Already?”
“Of course, I’m all warmed up.  If I don’t fuck something I’m going to explode.”

I raise my torso and turn around.  The last of the tears leave, clearing up my eyes.  I watch as Mistress secures the final buckles on her Reverb, securing it into place and adjusting it to her liking.  I shuffle on my knees and start to clear her a path.

“Where do you think you’re going, slave?  Get back into position and raise that tight ass of yours.”

My face contorts into anguish.  I return to the ottoman as the sobs and whimpers resume. 
“Are you serious, Cass?”
“As serious as a heart attack.” 
“The slave looks like he’s going to have one.”
Mistress laughs.  I clench my eyes shut. 

“Are you sure your slave isn’t going to freak out or anything?”
“Whose fantasy do you think this was to begin with?”
“Are you shitting me?”
Barb lets out a giggle.  My head spins, uncertain if I should feel arousal or regret.  She clears her throat.  I open my eyes and find her legs spread before me.  Our eyes meet.

“I don’t have all day.” 

I slowly guide the dildo forward and brace my body for the violation that is to come.  She does this for me.  I love her.  My Mistress.

END ACT

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

fs01 Arc 7 question

I will have a lot of time to write the next week or so so I am brainstorming ideas for a 7th arc.

One idea that came to mind was possibly doing an earlier experience of fs, probably during high school.  I am a little apprehensive at doing this since I'm not sure how comfortable I would be with it due to his age at the time.  I'm curious if people have thoughts on this.  Basically it would be a 35 year old recounting events that happened when he was say, 17.

Any feedback on this would be welcome, even if it's just, "stay away from that" or "I don't see a problem."

Thanks in advance.

Monday, August 8, 2016

The ___________ submissive version 1.0

I had been waiting to hear back from someone before posting this, but they seem to be dealing with their own things so what the hell, I'll just put it out there and see what happens.

Labels can be both good and bad, I guess mostly in ways that they are used.  

I've recently discovered another "one of us."  By that I mean the submissive type that I seem to be.  I have now met three others that I think are similar.  We all have a lot of things in common from a history standpoint.

As much as I don't always agree with labels, I think we need one, even if there are so very few of us.  The "I most closely associate with" thing only goes so far in feeling like there are other people like us... feeling like we aren't alone.  "I am a ______," can help us a lot to attain peace of mind... by allowing us to more easily find people that feel similarly.

This sub type is a bit different.  When people don't understand, the "commonly accepted advice" doesn't work... and in fact... it is often counter-productive to us.  It makes us feel shittier instead of better.  It makes the spiral more difficult rather than less.

This is going to be a work in progress.  I hope to eventually find a name.  I will start by listing some basic characteristics that seem to be common and work from there.

This is the roughest of drafts... I will call it attempt 1.0.

1. This sub has usually experienced a significant amount of emotional trauma, to such an extent that it feels like there is a part of them that is "missing."  They are not whole or complete.

2. The psychological damage has convinced them beyond any doubt that they are not worthy.  They do not deserve goodness.

3. They can function just fine in society.  They are not a "timid" or "parallel" submissive.  They are (usually) capable and confident in their abilities and flow just fine in day to day life.

 4.  D/s fills in the holes left by psychological damage.  Because they don't feel inherently deserving of "goodness," they are fine having to earn the goodness that is shown to them.  Similarly, negative acts also feel deserved.  They find the limitations and obedient = reward, disobedient = punishment nature of strict D/s to be emotionally stabilizing. 

5.  Some things that many people pursue naturally just don't seem important.  Internally they feel that there is no point.  It provides no internal reward.  While they can blend in, it is nearly impossible for them to feel completely fulfilled without a D/s backing. 

6.  The lack of D/s frequently leads to depression.  D/s is their anchor to stability.  In its absence they feel like they are spiraling out of control, struggling to figure out what should be done next because none of it feels important. There are also physical symptoms that will develop that closely resemble drug withdrawl and there very well may be a chemical addiction to the subspace they desire.  

7.  They are extremely loving and obedient.  Earning the goodness provided by a Dominant is the source of their self-esteem.  They feel extremely driven and motivated to please and love deeply.  They easily feel that the Dominant that they submit to is the most important thing in the entire world.  

8.  Their kink is D/s.  Nearly anything that symbolizes status, power, or the like will usually fuel their subspace.  Hard limits may exist, but when pushed sufficiently deep, it is unlikely they would be able to say no.

9. They are extremely versatile and adaptable.  Since they respond more to dynamics and their love than any one specific activity, this sub type is able to transform almost at will to best serve their dominant.  They can be a fierce protector when called upon.  They will be timid and meek when required.  They will be anything and everything in between.  Because of this they can often be mistaken for a different submissive type: warrior, alpha, domestic, slave, etc. as they will routinely become whatever is needed.

10.  They thrive in the long-term.  This type of sub builds their entire view of the world around the will of the Dominant.  They invest everything in making the Dominant's dreams come true.

11.  This type of sub is best suited for strict rules that will keep them constantly thinking about the D/s nature of the relationship.  They will not act out and strive for perfection.  Most rules will not need to be enforced as long as the dynamics keep them in subspace.   The stricter the rules, the more at peace they will feel.  Rules make them feel loved and cared about.  Rules violations will be few and far between. 

12.  It's not a sacrifice.  It's easy to look at this type of submissive and wonder "why would they sacrifice so much?" They don't see it that way.  While they routinely shed large chunks of personality at the whim of the Dominant, this sub doesn't feel like their personality has any important value, so they can easily give it up without any sense of loss.

13.  They are not doormats.  While many of these characteristics might make this sub type seem identity-less and perceived negatively, this is not actually the case.  These subs spend a lot of time in their heads thinking of ways to express their love and make their Dominant happy.  They can be proactive and very warm and compassionate with a very strong personality behind it all.  They simply choose to love a Dominant more than they love themselves and give all of themselves with ultimate vulnerability.

14. Very little training is required.  These subs are able to reach an obedient mindset easily.  They require very little breaking and "training" is usually brief, mostly just a matter of learning the rules and expectations.  As long as dynamics are present they can excel within that environment with ease.

15. Are they masochists?  While some may be masochists, it can often be confusing to both Dominant and sub due to how their body responds.  These subs will generally accept any punishments willingly, partly due to their inner feelings that if it happens that they deserve it.  Their sexual response may be inconclusive since it is uncertain as to whether they are responding to pain or responding to the D/s dynamics of the situation.

16. There is a tendency to be overly self-conscious.  They are often strongly aware of what they think/feel vs. what they want to think/feel.  This can lead to feelings of emotional betrayal and confusion.  They hate feeling like a burden and will feel guilty if their needs are not met. 

17. They have a different thought process.  Advice and constructive words will often clash with their core inner beliefs that they hold about themselves.  Their dependence upon D/s can make them feel alienated/isolated.  Their self-consciousness makes them aware when they feel they are too high maintenance. and this can cause them to spiral.  During these times it may be difficult for them to communicate their ACTUAL needs if they feel it will conflict with the needs of the Dominant. 
 

Find me if you want to

I get a little bit lonely at times and crave some interaction, especially if I'm up too late and can't sleep.

If anyone is ever interested in getting in touch with me for questions, chat, etc.  I don't do any cam type stuff, but I can be interesting conversation (I hope).

My email is in my blogger profile.  I check it constantly.

Yahoo messenger:  fur.sissy
Skype: furcissy
Kik: fcsy
Camfrog: fursissy

I can be found on Fetlife, username: fcsy
The only group I really post on is the Uncensored submissive men and the women that love them group and occasionally hop into their chatroom.  

I can be found on Deviantart (although I'm not super active there), username: fcsy

Wordpress: furcissy
Tumblr (I just created this yesterday): furcissy


I was really hoping to finish up the next bonus chapter rather than make a post like this one but it's getting longer than I had anticipated (1800 words and it's maybe 60% done).  Hopefully soon.