I decided today that I'm pretty much done with Fetlife.
The negative hostility finally got to me. None of the negative hostility was directed at me but I can't imagine why I would continue to subject myself to that type of environment. I gave it about two months and did my best to interact in ways that I could, hoping for discussion and the like.
What I found is that the majority of people there aren't really interested in discussion. Soap boxing, back patting when someone has identical views, and treating people badly seems to be the norm on active groups. I think what bothers me most is the tendency for people to chase the low-hanging fruit. Comments that are well-thought and provide interesting perspectives are generally ignored since people can't easily agree with them or easily try to make the poster feel like a jack-ass.
I think the last straw for me was when a Domme posted that it is a myth that submissive men outnumber Dominant women. If I wasn't already feeling like I had one foot out the door I think I would have wanted to vomit. This is the most obvious thing about BDSM. I don't understand why someone would willingly reject it just to support their own ideas. In my younger days I may have snapped into keyboard warrior mode, but I have no energy for those types of shenanigans anymore.
I will still log in there as I did meet one person I enjoy corresponding with and one of my blog readers uses that site as our primary means of communication, but damn, I really don't see much of a point in trying to take part in anything. I'd be better off just searching uploaded photos for jerk off material.
Some recent correspondence with a sub there has led me to something else that has nagged me over the years. Most people are cowards. I've always felt this way on many levels but I've never realized just how ill-prepared many people are emotionally to face relationships.
For much of my life I have hoped to consider myself emotionally strong. I succeed in some areas and I am definitely weak in others, but as a whole, I have no trouble being committed, dedicated, or loyal. I have no trouble seeing things through. I fully understand that life carries both good and bad and weathering through the ups and downs is what makes us who we are.
I never felt brave until recently when I have seen so many people who are completely mortified at the idea of truly loving someone... being truly vulnerable to someone... being willing to make sacrifices for someone. I've never felt brave for doing these things and I think these are crucial in successful vanilla relationships let alone D/s ones. It's like people don't want to trust someone else unless they see that person as infallible. Like... seriously? People don't want to trust unless the other person is perfect? They expect someone else to accept them with their imperfections but don't want their partner to have any?
I guess I just don't get it. It's times like these where I don't mind that I'm so screwed up. I do a lot of what I do because I can't picture someone loving me if I don't. What is even crazier is that I don't expect a partner to reciprocate those things. I do not mind if I love them unconditionally but they require conditions of me to love me back. I do not mind being wholly vulnerable and exposed while they are selective in what they show me. I do not mind if I am the one that makes the sacrifices and compromises for the good of the relationship. This is the way that my brain works.
I've never considered this brave until I was aware of just how few people can or will do this. I don't even know if brave is the right word. Is it better described as stupid? Desperate?
I don't really know. The only thing I am sure of is that I actually don't mind myself at the moment... in all of my fucked-up glory.