So...

I've been doing some posting again finally (of things other than drawings).

I know there's a lot of other bloggers out there where I used to read and leave comments and it's been months since I really kept up and engaged in discussions.  I will try and start doing that again but I'm not sure when just yet.  I just haven't felt up to it still but hopefully soon.

Large group drawing

Well, this is the multi-character one I had mentioned in an earlier post.

I did ones both with and without captions.

Frustration/Desperation drawing

I meant to post this one last night but didn't get around to doing the finishing touches on it.

Dominating the loser vs. Conquering the winner

It's well-documented that one of the great male flaws (possibly due to biological programming) is a common male-tendency to "the chase" part of the relationship and then the hunter loses interest and falls into lazy bad habits after winning over the woman he sought.

While I understand that during the courting process everyone wants to show up with their "A game" and wow the other with a glimpse of their dream guy/girl, it got me thinking about a few different scenarios and I'm sort of curious as how the dominant mind works in this regards.  I have this nagging feeling that Dommes are a bit more rational when it comes to courting and living with their desired mate.

A couple of scenarios that often pop up in Femdom fiction and fantasy (and that somewhat mirror the possibilities vanilla men have when dating) are:
1.  Dominating the submissive loser.
2.  Breaking the "winner" and making him submit.

For the intents and purposes of this discussion I will look at these situations under the assumptions that the woman intends to dominate her partner without being forthcoming about it and the male entered into this situation under vanilla pretenses with no BDSM undertones.

The first situation is a bit easier to analyze.  "Alpha" female finds shy, semi-reclusive male with limited personality and a weak backbone and quickly wins him over, only to gradually escalate her power over him until he's a blubbering coward, emasculated at every turn and unable to stand up to her.  She stays in this because it is easy, she can be is as selfish as she wants to be, and she knows he will remain faithful no matter what. 

The second situation is a very common theme for aggressive "chaser" men that see women as a conquest, the harder she is to get, the more he wants her.  How would this relate to this premise?  Strong, intelligent woman finds a confident and self-assured male that she wants to take down a peg.  She's possibly attracted to him physically but finds his personality in strong need of modification.  She seduces him, traps him, and through some means (probably blackmail) he finds himself unable to leave and at her mercy.  He is her trophy. 

While both of these situations might be good masturbation fodder and easy foundations to build a story upon, they just don't sit quite right with me.  With the Dommes I've known over the years, here's my thoughts on them.

The loser male doesn't hold a lot of appeal.  If he doesn't offer anything meaningful to the relationship and isn't truly submissive out of love, she probably won't want to be with him for a long period of time. A man that lacks personality, generally isn't very interesting.  He's not really worth "knocking him down a peg" because he really doesn't have anywhere lower he can go.  There's no emotional charge in subduing him nor is he someone to be proud of subduing.  I just don't see this as the most realistic outcome. 

If he is intelligent and kind, thoughtful and courteous, loving, and submissive, is he really a loser?  I don't think most Dommes would consider him to be one at that point, and thus he breaks the stereotype set out by the first scenario.

On a side note, I'm sure there are Dommes out there that have taken this approach and have been completely happy with it.  I'm not bad-mouthing the idea of it, I'm mainly just criticizing the male fantasy ideal of that situation.  Out of the two scenarios, I do think this is the more realistic one since men of this nature are generally willing to change themselves and most Dommes who want quality service would rather dominate someone who is naturally submissive rather than naturally dominant.

The winner male situation may hold some allure, but it's probably an awful lot of work to pull it off.  If she's able to find him so despicable as a human being that this is her motivation for doing so, I doubt she would choose him as a life partner.  That isn't to say that a long-time Domme wouldn't love the chance to do this, but I have the feeling that a male sub of this nature would probably be difficult to train.

So what is more realistic? 

I think the sub that would attract the most Dommes probably falls somewhere in between but leaning more towards the loser (without actually being a loser).  A man who will let her lead from the get go, but is also able to enrich her life and provide interesting interactions outside of the dungeon or bedroom.  He doesn't have to be hunted/chased, but he also doesn't bend over for anyone/everyone.  Basically, he's a well-rounded human being with a submissive nature. 

I could be way off base on this, but I'm curious overall what people think of this. 

Exploring Fantasy: The Girly Girl Domme, the Power Domme, and The Lipstick Lesbian

A current drawing I am working on got me thinking a little bit about things lately, especially in terms of what things have turned me on while working on them.

The Cheerleader drawing brought forth something I haven't done much of in drawings, that being the "Girly Girl" in a dominant role.  I don't have anything against this fantasy, but I guess it's something that just doesn't come to mind automatically for me.  I will admit, the idea does give me a hard-on.  From my experiences this fantasy is very common for sissies.  Dreaming about the "popular girl with her friends" type of dominant: she's a bit spoiled, a bit selfish, cute, bubbly, playful and probably with a nasty wicked streak.  I can understand the allure here as those characteristics often lead to mild dominance even in vanilla settings.  I do think these types of fantasies tend to revolve more around humiliation (and possibly blackmail) fantasies and less about pure D/s types of fantasies.  e.g. the sorority girl tricks the loser guy into being her slave, forcing him to wear panties and give her oral sex.  While this does arouse me, I think I'm a little too seasoned within the lifestyle to really see this as something realistic.


In contrast, I think I tend to over-represent the Power Domme in my drawings.  She's cool, capable, confident, and demanding.  If she works, she's successful.  If she doesn't work, she rules with an iron fist.  She dresses sleek and a sophisticated sexy and dominance is just a way of life.  This too wreaks of idealized fantasy. 

I think it's easier to polarize in fantasy and drawings than to try and capture a realistic Domme.  The woman that's a little bit girly and a little bit cool.  One that carries girly feminine charms along with a serious mean streak.  I think most women fall comfortably in between the girly girl and power Domme.  They don't need our approval, it's the subs that need their approval.  While my visual stimulation might be peaked by unrealistic fantasy idealizations, my mental stimulation definitely flows with my last statement.  You accept her as she is but she only accepts you as what she wants you to be. I think that thought arouses me to my core.

Moving on a bit...

Every time I do a lesbian drawing I feel a bit like a jackass.  I've had quite a few lesbian friends over the years and I do have to say that my masturbation fantasy lesbians aren't really anything like actual lesbians.  I know this, but I'm still drawn to this ideal.  If you aren't familiar with the lesbian lifestyle, you might not be aware that most lesbian relationships involve something resembling gender roles.  You have the butch (masculine lesbian) and the femme (feminine lesbian).  While many lesbians aren't overtly one or the other, if you happen to befriend them it shouldn't take too long to figure out if they're the pitcher or catcher. 

It's hard to make any generalizations about lesbians since you'll find as many variations as there are stars in the sky, but I'm about to make a couple of them.  Femme lesbians tend to be slightly less feminine than most straight women and butch lesbians tend to be significantly less feminine than most straight women (one of my lesbian friends once told me the joke: Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?  A: single).  You can read this as my admission that any lesbian-esque portrayals I might draw are more likely bisexual women at best as they're way too feminine to be realistic.  Most lesbian couples I have met tend to be much more emotionally and personality balanced than most gay male or straight couples.  That is, while the femme isn't necessarily submissive, she's rarely dominant unless that's her natural personality (and a dominant femme often matches up better with a dominant butch).  While there might be more butches that are a bit more dominant, I tend to think of them more as tops than dominants, and in any case, it would be a rare case for a butch to involve a male in any type of activity that might be deemed even the slightest bit sexual.  With more masculine and aggressive butches, it's probably more likely that they would kick the shit out of a sissy for being an insult to women than force them into any type of submission.
 
So... I guess I'm wondering that even though I know how the world works and some of the people in it, why my fantasies still delve so far into the realm of imaginary beings.

Another requested drawing

Thank you everyone for the comments

I've been having a lot of people message me lately through the messenger on my blog.  I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has chatted with me. 

If anyone has any requests please feel free to let me know.

I thrive strongly on feedback, comments, and emails, so if you really like something and want me to post more things like it (whether it be written or drawn) please let me know.

Coming to Terms with Kink (aka finding difficult answers to easy questions)

Well... here goes my first "real "entry in months.  My apologies if this is a repeated topic (I know that I have written similar posts before) but I feel fairly removed from those... almost as if they were written by another me, which I guess says that I feel I have changed since I was last writing.  Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, I jotted down some notes earlier and am trying to piece together this post from my thoughts earlier in the day.


The process of "this is what I am now" from "this is what I wanted then" is definitely an interesting one.  I'm not sure I'm okay with who I am now as a submissive and sexually but at the same time, I'm not sure I mind that.

I know that for many in the lifestyle, one of the early obstacles is learning how to come to terms with and cope with the kink inside of you.  Some of these aspects are rather easy, others are more difficult, especially depending upon which role you are in. 

Some aspects of being a submissive are simple when it comes to interacting with women.  Like bondage?  No problem, most women I know think it's kinky and hot.  Body worship?  I don't know a woman that wouldn't/doesn't love it.  Pegging?  Just call it "reverse doggy style" and it sounds a lot less threatening.  That last one may be a stretch though.  The key to knowing how far you stray from "normalcy" is how much you NEED a particular activity.  If being tied up gets you off but you get off nearly as hard without being tied up, you're in good shape.  As long as you don't continuously ejaculate to a specific activity or fantasy you can probably avoid developing a deeply-rooted fetish that integrates that as a primary part of your sexuality.

If you're past that point, you're like me.  This inherently puts you at the bottom of the food chain.

Dommes have it relatively easy when it comes to kink.  Sexual exploration is usually encouraged (by both friends and lovers) and the sexually aggressive woman is generally very alluring and attractive.  If she has something that "does it" for her, chances are there's about 500 guys out there an email away that want her to do it to them.  As long as she can accept the kink about herself, there will be a vocal majority of kinksters encouraging that to the point where it seems very normal.  If she ever reaches a point where she can only get off if the sub is tied up, there's no shortage of subs who are willing to be tied up every time.



Worst case scenario if she finds herself with a man who is unwilling to get kinky she can simply tell him that he sucked in bed, she faked every orgasm, and unless they spice it up a notch she won't be able to get off.  99% of guys will take that as a challenge to their male ego and give in to the kink. 

Are we supposed to come to accept the kink within us?

The easy answer is yes and it probably seems stupid to even ask this.  It's emotionally healthy to accept ourselves as we are.  This goes for both Dommes and subs. 

Why bother asking then?  I am yee who is drawn to the flame... the dumbest of all creatures and lowest on the food chain... the submissive captured by the mind fuck. 

Should self-acceptance always flow both ways in the realm of D/s?

In my opinion, being dominant is a natural and rational thing to be.  Getting to do exactly what you want and getting someone else to do exactly what you want them to do seems like you struck it rich and your bottle of KY unleashed the magic sex genie willing to grant your any wish.  That to me makes perfect sense.

Now for Dommes wishing to have a submissive lover that is an emotionally healthy equal, it is probably a good thing to nurture their self-acceptance of their kinks and get them to an emotionally balanced position.  When they feel their kink is normal they will find peace.


But what about relationships that want a strict divide between Domme and sub?  Are these so bad even if they're consensual?  I'm sure there are those out there that would say that they are bad no matter what, but what about cases where both parties benefit?

A Domme can gain greater loyalty from her sub if he feels a bit insecure about his kinks.
-He's lucky to have her because other women will think he's fucked up.
-She's the only one that accepts him as he is.
-If anyone else knew about him they'd be disgusted.


These kinds of mental loops can serve as traps for a sub but they generally make him try harder if they start feeling true.

What if this insecurity serves as one of the sub's kinks?  A sub that gets aroused from humiliation needs something to feel ashamed about.  Keeping him off balance with teasing and cruelty can create its own subspace loop that feeds itself to her end.  This can be nurtured: she tells him that she loves that he's ashamed of himself and loves him when he is that way.  Or turned against him:  she acts disgusted by his kinks but constantly reminds him that she tolerates him because he obeys. 

It's a rather wicked balance.  I seem to be caught somewhere in limbo.  I am comfortable with being a submissive.  I feel ashamed about being a sissy.  This shame turns me on and makes me more submissive.  Am I better off finding peace or better off being mind-fucked about it forever?  If I had to choose I would probably have to go with the mind-fuck, but then again, I can fully admit that I am easy prey... at the bottom of the food chain (and I like it that way).

I guess in my own mind things make perfect sense like this:
She is, of course, perfectly normal.  She likes to tie up subs and spank them, but that's normal.  She gets off watching subs whimpering and writhing in pain but that's normal.  She likes to dress subs up like girls because it amuses her, but that's normal.  She likes to keep his penis caged in a chastity belt, but that's normal. 

He likes being the one tied up and spanked?  He's fucked up.  He likes writhing in pain?  He's fucked up.  He wants her to control his orgasms?  He's fucked up.  He gets a hard on when she makes him dress up in slutty clothes and frilly furs?  He's fucked up.

I don't know if I should come to terms with things but it really gives me a hard on feelings fucked up about myself.

More practice

Another Request

I received another request tonight via messenger for some more gender role reversal type drawings.  One idea was to have some sissy cheerleaders cheering for female athletes.  I pretty much went with that but did a lone sissy cheerleader being mocked and humiliated. 

On a side note, I have a bit of a thing for women that are taller than me so I figured basketball would be a pretty good theme.  I used a game photo of Lauren Jackson as a model for the basketball player, who is quite attractive and also 6'5" tall.

Here is the finished drawing.

Drawing practice

I found this outfit while browsing this year's fall/winter collections.  I think it's quite sexy (for a woman, not a sissy). 

I did a fair bit of experimenting here, trying to make the knitted sweater top look more like a sweater.  I'm fairly happy with how the gloves turned out, but man... the detail on the gloves took almost as much time as the rest of the drawing. 

My entire goal of all time with drawing was to be able to draw an attractive woman.  I think I am getting closer to reaching that goal, but I still have a ways to go. 

I did a couple of variations with different color collars.

A requested picture

I had someone request another drawing the other day.  They gave a bit of a description of it and I did my best within those parameters.

Another practice portrait

This one didn't quite turn out like I wanted it to... but I also sort of just kind of pushed to finish it without going in and adding the shading on the coat.  I suppose I may revisit it at some point and finish it up.

Fall/Winter 2011

The 2011 fall/winter collections are starting to roll out on department store websites.

The good news for fur lovers, there's lots of it.  The bad news is, it's a really mixed bag in terms of styles.  It seems there's a split between shaggy and sleek, and much of the shaggy might be warm, but isn't all that flattering to the figure. 

Another plus is that designers seem to be getting away from skinny leg pants.  I've always found those to be sort of gross, the way they tend to give women chicken legs and I'm sure there's many out there that have pushed themselves towards eating disorders to pull it off.  I though the pinned pant look in the 80's was sort of off and I feel the same way about skinny leg pants. 

Here's a few things that have caught my eye so far this year.

Latest drawing

I had originally intended this to go somewhere but I decided just to stop where I was at...

Someone who reads my blog for the pictures might think that I'm actually really into...

pegging.

I kind of cheaped out on the shading on this one out of laziness. 

Drawing

Well, I did this drawing in sections over the course of about two months, drawing one character in each sitting.  I'm not all that happy with how it turned out (it's a bit inconsistent and things didn't quite "fit" how I wanted them to) but I figured I'd share it anyways.  I had planned to add some captions but decided against it.

Hehe...

I wasn't planning on making two posts tonight but I happened to stumble across these the other day and they're fucking awful.  I'm sure there's more humiliating sissy footwear out there but these would probably be near the top of the list.  That color just makes your eyes want to bleed.

Touching base

I am alive... but haven't been much in the mood for writing, drawing, or thinking along BDSM lines.

Things have been good over the past couple of weeks with Mistress and I, although D/s is still absent from things, I can't complain.  I have been heavily into my hobbies lately and she has kept herself busy as well.

I have made several attempts to draw over the past few months, but I haven't really finished any of them until one I worked on a few days ago.

The drawing I did finish is somewhat inspired by SPH (small penis humiliation).  It's not something that I'm usually "into" nor am I tiny or anything but like most men who aren't hung like elephants, penis size has led to insecurities at certain times over my life.  I've found this to be an easy form of control that a woman can have over a man.  Even if he can pleasure her completely during sex the idea that she wished he was bigger can make the man wish he was bigger, and in turn increase his appreciation for her because she accepts him even with his inadequacies.  It doesn't take much to bring that doubt on (unless he's hung like an elephant) and it will probably haunt him at least occasionally for the rest of his erectile life. 

Sure, it's kind of a cheap shot but it seems it's kind of fitting for a man to be insecure about his penis when women are bred to be insecure about just about everything.

This picture isn't so much about saying a man is small, but more about instilling some doubt that can be used against him.

My first requested portrait

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