Thoughts on Illusion

Writing my last post got me thinking a bit about things.

I chase submissive mental space as being my default persona. It is where I feel okay and at peace with myself. It is where I long to be. One of my subspace triggers is inequality. I love status differences. I love putting a woman on a pedestal. I love things being unfair in her favor. These twist me up inside and make me feel oh so submissive.

This started to bother me a bit when I was talking about FLR and I tried to figure out why that community has bothered me so badly. I’m trying to write this without being biased against the people who make it ugly… sort of like trying not to think badly of a religion because of the ugliness people carry out in its name. A lot of bloggers in that genre have rubbed me the wrong way in how aggressively dismissive they are to other people. I am trying to set those biases aside and evaluate it on its own.

The principles behind FLR work for me. But it always seems like something was missing from it: illusion.

To be honest, if a Domme were to say something like, “You will exist only for me. What you want, means nothing. What you enjoy, means nothing. You will toil for me and suffer at my hands. I am the only thing that matters,” I would probably tremble and melt into the floor. If she made it clear that my pleasure was no concern of hers and that all of my desires should be centered around her, that idea drives my subspace into a frenzy.

The hangup for me occurs because this is an illusion. It is meant to create an environment and an idealized sense of purpose and place. It is meant to enable and maintain submissive mental space by catering to subspace triggers. This illusion that she doesn’t care about me is put in place because she does care about me and about us.

This differs a lot from FLR because I feel like this would be frowned upon. This would be fake. The one-sided principle is because both want it and it doesn’t matter what form it takes. It’s not supposed to be an illusion, it’s supposed to be real. I get scared when people believe in things like that. I want to believe that when the relationship is loving that both parties will think about the other as well as the health of the relationship. I’m not sure if it’s posturing and that they actually think of it more as an illusion, I just have encountered a number of blog authors that don’t mind going around to other blogs and telling people their F/m relationships are fake.

Regardless, I will embrace the illusion and ride all of its glory through the subspace I find so fulfilling.