An Intro to F/m – Part 1

This is by no means meant to be any sort of comprehensive guide to F/m, mostly just some thoughts and bits of info that should help to inform people in M/f a few of the differences between M/f and F/m.  I received a lot of support in response to my last post.  I am grateful for it.  I feel like there are people who would be curious about this.  I know several bloggers have been reading and writing about the idea of the Warrior Princess sub lately, and this post should carry some similar themes.
What I am going to write here covers many F/m relationships.  I’m not going to make any claims it covers all.  I’m also not going to cover my ass and say that this is “just my own view,” as this is a combination of my own experiences and a composite of the people I have known both in real life, blogs, and the internet over the years.

There are very few “weak” male submissives living the F/m lifestyle.  One of the favorite comparisons of F/m relationships is that of a Queen and her knight.  That is, a strong and capable male that swears his obedience to the lady in power.  This creates an interesting dynamic because a weak and pathetic knight is not desirable.  In most cases the male sub is confident, capable, and motivated in his vanilla life but submissive to  his Domme at home.

This differs greatly from the stereotype that seems to plague people.  That is, a hateful woman who brutalizes and degrades some pathetic and helpless male.  This apparently makes better porn for some because a lot of the dynamics of lifestyle F/m don’t portray well “on film.”  The dynamic isn’t about bullying the weak, it is about holding power over and controlling the strong.

I have had conversations on this before with one of my favorite Domme bloggers and she absolutely loves the fact that while her husband may be physically stronger than she is, that he completely submits to her will.  The stronger, more intelligent, and more driven the male, the greater the pleasure a Domme may take in having him under her thumb.

This has complete consent.  He chooses to serve her.  She chooses to hold power over him.  The more capable he is, the more powerful she feels and the greater value she places upon him.  Most Dommes seek out “worthy” subs.

Most male subs carry a dichotomy within them.  Their public persona may very well appear alpha.  At home, their submissive persona comes to the surface.  They frequently will find themselves switching gears between the two.

I think one of the reasons that submissive mental space and vanilla space end up being so clearly defined to myself as a sub male and for many sub males is that it’s so very obvious.  At work you might be sipping at the water cooler talking about last night’s football game.  At home you might be kneeling and giving her a foot rub while wearing nothing but a collar.

There is no “natural order” here.  When you practice F/m it is a choice for both parties.  Even if a couple decides to practice some form of neo-feminism as their ideal, the reality of it is that the male could rise up and overpower her, but he chooses not to, and in turn, makes the dynamic complete by surrendering himself to her will.