Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Mono vs. Poly: What could you live with?

With the Domme to sub ratio being what it is, a male sub has far fewer options when it comes to finding the perfect relationship.  At times during my search I have been confronted with the scenario of a polyamorous relationship (instead of a monogamous one) and I've often debated just what I would be okay with for a lifestyle situation.

While there are fantasy and fetish elements of being a nameless/faceless member of a stable of slaves serving a Mistress, I doubt there are many out there that could endure a lifetime of this lifestyle if there wasn't any kind of personal (or romantic) attention or knowing that the person you were serving honestly cared about you.  Even those I have met with a fetish for depersonalized servitude seem to gravitate towards finite time periods and/or requires the knowledge that their Dominant truly cares for their well-being.

When looking at long-term polyamorous D/s situations, a few scenarios come to mind.
1.  Serving as one of multiple subs, where all the subs are treated relatively equally.
2.  Serving as one of multiple subs, where one (or a couple) of them are treated with preference and you are a preferred sub.
3.  Serving as one of multiple subs, where one (or a couple) of them are treated with preference and you are not one of the preferred.
4.  Serving as the lone sub under a Dominant couple or one Dominant with a partner that is not a submissive and is valued more highly than a submissive.   

From what I have seen available, the most common type of Poly relationship out there is one where a D/s couple is seeking an additional submissive, where the existing submissive is already part of a long term relationship with the Domme (often they are married).  These cases usually fall into the type 3 that I listed above, where the option is open for a sub to step in and perform domestic duties in return for occasional bondage and pain play.  Depending upon your experiences and emotional needs, this may be a tough pill to swallow and while occasionally fetish needs may outweigh those emotional needs, it's probably unsustainable in the long-run for most subs.

Being part of a poly relationship has often been on my mind, both during times of fantasy while in a D/s relationship and while single and contemplating my options.  Giving each of the four I wrote about some thought, I think I could probably manage in each of these situations if particular conditions were met.  However, any time a sub needs conditions to be met, that sub becomes less appealing to most Dominants.  

I believe numbers 2 and 4 are the most likely situations where I could survive with at least a reasonable amount of happiness.  I could probably handle all four if being a submissive were to be my full time occupation but this is a highly unlikely scenario.

When I really start digging deep into my mind-scape I think that in my perfect fantasy world I would probably enjoy a certain type of poly D/s relationship more than a monogamous one.  This might just be my "typical male fantasy" kicking in but I found myself fantasizing about these situations when I was in every BDSM relationship I've ever had.  The conditions I would need to thrive under make this polyamorous fantasy more likely to happen while in a monogamous D/s relationship than finding an existing situation to join into.

I guess overall this is just something I think about from time to time and I hadn't really explored it much until I started writing this although I had pondered it briefly before but only really had a "gut instinct" reaction saying it's probably best for me to stick to monogamous situations.

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