Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Mental Gymnastics

I have to say that writing Arc 6 of fs01 has really done a number on me. 

I can't recall if I have stated this overtly before, but my writing process  is very personal.  I basically envision a scene, scenario, event, or dynamic and try to put myself into the main character's role.  Some of these situations are modified versions of things I have actually experienced, others are pure fiction but based upon emotional space that I am familiar with.

For the most part, most of my writing comes while I am in a self-induced subspace.  While I write it often feels heavily like a trance or lucid dream.  Events are tossed my way and my submissive self reacts.  It often feels like things are writing themselves, and letting 1000 words flow out is quite effortless.  When someone gives feedback that things feel "authentic," that is about the highest compliment I could hope for.

Each Arc has followed one of two formulas for me:
1. Event-based.  Situations occur that I have thought/fantasized/wondered about happen and I picture myself within them.  Much of what changes by the end of the arc is emotional growth and lessons learned by the end.
2. Emotional Theme-based.  A series of situations occur that invoke a certain emotional trigger and I attempt to sort out the feelings and find a suitable means of coping. This often revolves around how a positive resolution could be found that works for the involved parties.  Think of these as emotional problem solving.

I have a lot of experience with events that I would deem "life changing."  While some of the events in the stories may seem a bit extreme or intense, much of the character growth is reliant upon emotional responses that are strong enough to change them deep inside.  There needs to be enough trauma or desperation to force them to look at life and relationships in a different way than before.

Arcs 5 and 6 are completely new territory for me.  They reach levels of subspace I have not experienced personally, and involve exploration of sadism that I have only seen in bits and pieces in my own life.  To complicate things even more, the emotional spectrum is not a pleasant one.  I feel emotionally exhausted upon completing each chapter, and even moreso when there isn't a tender moment to bring things to an emotionally balanced place (e.g. the spooning scenes).  

The feedback so far on pushing the dynamics ever harder has been fairly positive but I may need to dial them back a bit in future arcs as it really is difficult for me to write from this headspace.  I'm not firmly committed to this yet, it's just what my gut is telling me.

As always, I'm open to ideas, comments, or requests.  I write to please the readers so if you would like to see something in the story from an event or play standpoint or want to see more of a specific character, please let me know and I will make an effort to work it in.


  1. Seeing fs01 go through these emotions makes me feel a touch of turmoil and sadness, I can imagine the emotional toll it would take to write this. I always enjoy reading and am impressed this story continues. :D

    Thank you fur.

    1. Thank you, Mis Lily. I believe the next arc may be more fun... possibly in a mostly bonus chapter way, bringing in more of the other characters. I have some singular events in mind.

  2. From what I've read in biographies of successful authors, there's an unavoidable measure of angst that often accompanies the progression of the telling of the story. I would think this is especially true if one is writing about a "dark" situation, whether the author actually experienced the situation personally or not. I think that's what you are feeling, as you explore boundaries that previously only took up a small portion of your mind. Sort of like "do I really want to get into this thing and go down that path"? Now that you've opened the lid on these thoughts with Cass's very dark side coming forth, as well as the jail scenes which are extreme, you might just be asking yourself why you've taken this turn in the story. Seeing that you plan a lighter, possibly more humorous aspect going forward, maybe you've just had enough of the ultra sadism for now, whether your readers like it or not.

    Keep in mind, that ultimately you're writing for yourself at least as much as for your readers, and keep yourself comfortable in what you're doing. If you fail to do that, this whole writing experience will become far too much of a chore, and I suspect you'll look for a way out - and who could blame you. "To thine own self be true", fur. Good advice for everyone, especially authors. Keep yourself happy, my friend.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      I'm not quite sure just what is brewing inside of me. I think with Arcs 1-4 I always had an idea of the premise and resolution and it was a matter of filling in the path along familiar territory. Starting with the slave weekend in Arc 5 I was much less certain... I knew someone was going to "cave in" but I didn't know who, when, or why. I have an idea for resolving Arc 6, but I'm at a point where I'm unsure of Cassandra's headspace. e.g. How far will she let fs be broken? This is completely different from earlier Arcs where some of it was outside of her control.

      The scary part when it comes to my own thoughts/feelings is that I can picture myself being broken as well. When I am "in character" and writing I feel myself teetering between allowing it to happen vs. wishing for "the old way." I have to believe that Cassandra would be aware of this, but it seems that she is exploring her own limits as well.

      On the upside, it seems that I am finding my own lines and boundaries of fantasy and reality for myself. Strangely, I feel that I could adapt to both, I just think that I would prefer the more intimate connections of earlier Arcs. Most of the requests people give me are for a specific type of sexual scene, specific situation, type of bondage, etc. and it makes things easier to write since I don't have to pull something out of thin air :)