Sunday, January 8, 2017

Views on Forced Feminization

Another thing that startled me a bit from this past year was a newer movement among younger Dommes being outraged that forced feminization was used as a means of humiliation.  The common cry was that this is a sexist act. 

On some level it's easy to connect some basic dots as to how they reached that conclusion:
If a man dresses like a woman they should be humiliated = being a woman is humiliating = sexist.

Unfortunately those who take this view tend not to delve beyond that reasoning, nor are they really up for discussion, understanding, etc. on the subject.  If I were to speak with someone and they were to make a valid case for this stance I would definitely give it thought, merit, and consideration. 

On the flipside, I would love it if people could attempt to understand things beyond surface level and think about it before jumping to a conclusion.  Such is the way of the world. 

I don't really feel the need to justify how things work, but I do not mind explaining my views on how this works in order to possibly educate someone upon what goes on from a dynamics standpoint that makes it more complicated than the view outlined above.  For the ease of intents and purposes I will assume that "forced" means that there is a significant consequence at risk for disobeying, be it loss of trust, punishment, or the like. 

Case 1:  feminization vs. feminine.

In the majority of cases where forced feminization is implemented in a D/s relationship, the sissified sub is not taken over to his Domme's closet where she picks out a stylish and fashionable ensemble that accents the sub's physique in a positive manner. 

It is usually something more like this:

It might even have locks.  Do any of you know a single woman that dresses like this on a daily basis?  Negating Halloween, cosplay activities, and the like, have you ever met a woman that honestly dresses in anything even remotely similar to this?  I would guess for most of you, the answer would be "no."  If your answer is "yes," I would follow that up with "was it more than 1 person?"

I've written this before, but I believe forced feminization is a caricature of femininity.  For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a caricature is:  a picture, description, or imitation of a person or thing in which certain striking characteristics are exaggerated in order to create a comic or grotesque effect.

A dress is considered feminine.  Lace is considered feminine.  Bows are considered feminine.  Pink is considered feminine.  Put them all together and this way and this is like nothing a woman would choose to wear. 

If it is not "like a woman," then it is not insulting to women.  Thus, I do not think this dress is designed to be anything sexist... it's meant to make a male sub cry when he has to wear it.  I don't think his tears come from being dressed like a woman... they come from being dressed in something a woman wouldn't wear.

If anything, I will agree that sissy maid outfits are in general unrealistic stereotypes of maids.  If you have seen an actual maid in the past say... 40 years, you'll know they wear something like this:

If a union of professional maids wishes to display their outrage at the portrayal of their role in forced feminization, I will have to say that they are in the right.

Case 2: The dynamics of "forced."

Voluntary feminization isn't really a D/s activity... it's known as cross-dressing.  If you think about the dynamics of "forced," they imply something much deeper going on.  It is really the ultimate symbol of power exchange:  the ability for one person to exert their will over another. 

Humiliation is a self-created emotion.  It is rooted in self-conscious feelings as we feel our ego being crushed.  Much of this is rooted in status.  A lot of it is rooted in our fear of the feelings of people who might observe us from the outside looking in.  These factors can work together to create greater amounts of humiliation.

The status segment is based upon the idea that when we are forced to do something we would not choose to do by our own free will, we are reminded that we are lesser and they are greater.

If someone dislikes wearing an anal plug, forcing them to wear one is likely a humiliating experience because it serves as a ready reminder of the power dynamics and their submissive position.

Since an anal plug can be hidden from the world, the humiliation could be intensified by removing that luxury.  An animal tail, a string of bells, etc. would announce to the world "hey, he's got something up his ass." 

In a similar context, if a sub does not wish to cross-dress, forced feminization represents power/status and brings about that type of humiliation.  Panties are often used in this regard.  Since panties can be hidden from the world... adding visible and obvious signs of feminization will increase the public nature of the humiliation.  Taking into consideration case 1, the more flamboyant and horrific the outfit, the greater the humiliation.

In this way, I do not see a sub's humiliation coming from thinking being like a woman is humiliating, it is from their lack of choice in the matter and fear of other people seeing them in such a state.

Case 3: It's a double-standard.

Let's say a Domme has a femsub and she orders the femsub to only dress in male clothing.  I'm not talking about a "women's version" of masculine clothing, but actual men's off the rack clothing.  She's 5'5" 135 lbs now attempting to wear clothing cut for men.  In at least 95% of cases, men's and women's body types differ so greatly that the clothes will likely fit like shit.  The difference in waistline, hips, leg length, arm length, bust, neck size, etc.  Also take into consideration that most men's clothing does not stretch. 

The end result is that the woman will most likely hate it and she may feel humiliated dressed in such a way.  It's not because she feels it's humiliating to be like a man, but because she is uncomfortable, everything fits like crap, and she doesn't feel attractive in clothes that are not flattering to her figure.  Add in the fact that she doesn't want to do it and we have status humiliation from Case 2.

If this is the case, why does cramming a man into women's clothing become sexist? 
It's uncomfortable, fits like crap, looks terrible, and isn't something he would do by choice.  It seems like the same factors would come into play.


My parting thoughts on this.  I love women.  I think they are the most beautiful things on this planet in any shape and form they may be in.  I could never be like a woman.  I also could never look anything except awful in any form of feminine clothing.  It humiliates me when I am forced to dress, but it has nothing to do with "being like a woman." 

If I am missing something here... please enlighten me.


  1. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on this topic Fur, and you make many interesting points. As a male in a FLR it is a topic I often think about. Isn't it interesting how you never hear of female subs being forced to dress as guys. Then again, if they are dressed that way, as they freely can in our society, know one hardly notices or bats an eye. But if a male wears anything feminine, look out, he will be ostracized. I'm not even talking about dressing like your first picture--just dressing in colorful leggings and a long sweater. Luckily my wife would never dress me like your pictures.

    1. Thank you, Penney.

      Even something like wearing pink socks or having painted nails is enough to be ostracized. Not only that, but males in some areas would have to fear for their physical safety as well. The threat of being beaten (or worse) is very real. It wasn't too long ago that I read about a shooting at a mall where a man was holding his wife's purse and was killed after a blind man asked for help locating the rest room and he provided assistance.

      There are a lot of societal gender issues that aren't always obvious. I do leave it open that there may be something sexist that I am missing, I just have yet to hear someone make a compelling case for it.

      Take care.

  2. An interesting post, fur. I haven't run across the young Femdoms you're talking about who feel that this forced feminization is sexist and insulting to women. Then again, I really don't get involved with the entire milieu. In my mind, it's just a form of humiliation for the male sub, and - as you say - has nothing to do with any intended insult to women in general. Is it an insult on an unconscious level? Well, one can choose to nitpick "intentions" and argue for or against anything. Personally, for what it's worth, I agree with your conclusions in this matter.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      I had encountered the mentality once or twice over the years and was suprised at seeing a bandwagon of hate on this subjuct a few times in this past year.