Compromises

Note:  This is written from the standpoint of those interested in a 24-7 lifestyle Femdom or FLR type relationship and will not pertain as much to those seeking a more casual BDSM-oriented relationship.

In the majority of the advice I write geared at single subs attempting to court a Domme, I generally preach to be expecting of and willing to make severe compromises in order to fit into what a Domme will require of her sub.  While there are certain times when things are obviously a bad fit, e.g. if her favorite activity is the sub's number one hard limit or vice versa.  For the most part, accepting this idea is what (hopefully) breaks the sub from their own personal masturbation fantasy into a more realistic sense of the lifestyle.  The relative scarcity of Dommes keeps this from being much of a negotiation.

Sex and play will be on her terms.  While the sub's preferences may be taken into consideration, it is probably wise to accept that she will not cater directly to them.  Even if she loves the sub likes them a lot, the dynamics will flow better if she gets what she wants and the sub might receive their preference if it coincides with her desires or if she occasionally decides to throw the sub a bone with a special type of play every now and then.  For the most part, this probably works best if it never appears like it's the sub's idea or that they are getting exactly what they want because they like it.  If a sub gets it once and feels even slightly empowered by it, there is a high probability that they will press for or expect it again... and again... and again.

I have been approached by newer Dommes for advice on occasion and in the past I have recommended that the Domme offer few or no compromises on her part but expect tremendous compromises from the sub.  This will help to weed out the fakes and set the tone for the relationship from the start.

There is an area where neither party should compromise: fundamental philosophical ideology.  There are certain gaps that can't be bridged and it generally happens when the fundamental understanding of what a D/s relationship "should" be like differs between both parties.  It is possible that through extensive discussion that the gap can be narrowed a bit as both parties come to understand one another, but in some cases people will be so set in their beliefs that change will be impossible.  The end result is that neither party will ever be happy or content with how things are and the friction that builds up over time may bring about an even more firmly entrenched hard-line stance on the differing views. 

While this might seem like common sense, desperation does some crazy things.  "This is my first good prospect in months" can lead to a lot of wishful thinking and glazing over of these critical differences.  Knowing when and when not to compromise can save a lot of pain and wasted time.

Something I should note is that when subs are interacting with a potential Domme is that submissive ideologies can be faked and lied about.  Personality, on the other hand, is much more difficult to falsely present and with repeated contact, the true personality will inevitably surface.  From my experiences, most Dommes find subs more appealing if their personality seems genuine, they are funny, smart, and have interesting things to say and share.  Even if everything meshes well on a D/s level, there's still, you know... the rest of life to think about.  If the end goal is to be in a serious relationship where you live together, being interesting enough to be an appealing life partner is just as important as the other aspects.  If one party likes long outdoor hikes and the other prefers to sit around playing Xbox for the duration of their leisure time, this too may be a gap that can't be bridged.