Status and Stations

I recently read some comments on a different blog that I wanted to respond to but left that for the author.  I do not feel safe speaking for others but with enough information I can sometimes do pretty well at guessing on their thought process.  Having followed well over a hundred blogs for years and been a part of several local and internet-based groups you tend to see most of what can exist out there. 

There is one aspect of lifestyle Femdom that people seem to struggle finding common ground upon.  This happens quite a bit when a lifestyle dynamic is set up in such a way that differs from their own (or their ideal) in such a fundamental way that it almost seems like both parties are speaking different languages.  Some of the more common situations where this happens is in regards to how the dominant views the submissive as a person, the relative statuses of the Domme and sub, and the sub's mindset they take into the relationship.  "I don't see how someone would want _______." 

Having taken a good number of history, humanities, and philosophy courses while in college, I have found that misunderstandings happen quite frequently when confronting ideas that conflict with someone's view of the world, existence as an individual, etc.  While being aware of the differences doesn't necessarily solve everything, hopefully being aware of their existence may be helpful to someone.

Status as Equals
We live in an era where a large majority of people that are out in the world have been raised with the idea of gender and racial equality.  While sexism and racism still run rampant, institutional discrimination is far less common and many people are more likely to keep their prejudiced sides private.  e.g. Appear tolerant even if you aren't.  If memory serves, it wasn't until the late 1990's or so that the belief in equality was accepted on a societal level. 

Part of the process of tearing down centuries of sexism and oppression of women was the pounding home of the concept of equality.  Equal.  Equal rights.  Equal pay.  Equal opportunities.  Women can be just as good as men.  Equal.  Since then, women as a whole have become stronger, more independent, and more successful.  This brought about a shift in what women look for in potential spouses. 

In the patriarchal days, it was common for a woman to work when single but when she got married, the husband would be the decision-maker and breadwinner and she would tend to the home and raise the children.  This was the "American Dream" for decades.  Strong, stable, independent men with a sense of duty and responsibility were the ideal. 

Enter the now, where it is common for women to be as career-oriented as men were in the 50's and it is not uncommon for a woman to be more successful and motivated in her career than her husband/boyfriend/lover.  The ideal of a male partner didn't change much.  The big change was in relative statuses of men and women.  Equal. 

The modern woman is motivated, goal oriented, interested in personal growth, strong, independent, and competent.  If she sees her ideal partner as her equal, he too must be all of those things to an equal or greater extent than she is. 

While a Domme might not use the term equal, one type of Femdom relationship is based around a strong, independent, and motivated male partner.  They seek to dominate this worthy male and often enjoy that someone of this character submits to her.

Complimentary Status
A far less commonly practiced idea is that of complimentary status.  This seems odd to me because the patriarchal form of this existed for centuries.  One person has the dreams and goals for how they want life to be like, the other supports them in those goals.  These situations exist quite harmoniously as there is a balance of yin/yang.  Why they aren't more common leads me back to the ideal of "equal," and that a male that will gladly defer and support a motivated woman from behind the scenes is just often over-looked.

There is that saying, "Behind every great man is a great woman."  Will we ever reach a point where there is the saying, "Behind every great Domme is a great sub"?


Superior/Inferior Status
The concept of a person being inferior is a bit of a polarizing topic.  Many people will see this idea as dreadful and the thought of being with someone they would deem inferior as being even more dreadful.  I think the reason that this is foreign and such a taboo is because a whole lot of people have lived their entire lives with the existence of a middle class. 

If you watch an average historical drama that involves characters living within the nobility/aristocracy, they live in grand estates with huge homes, tons of land, and a whole crap-load of things that would require constant upkeep and maintenance.  While a family of four might own the estate, there might be fifty servants that attend to all of the tedious daily tasks.  While the maid, butler, valet, cook, chauffeur, groundskeeper, stable-master, etc. are all people, they aren't "real people."  The servants have accepted a lower station in life.

They are not equals.  The masters of the estate hold immense power over their daily existence, well-being, and livelihood.  The daily lives of the servants focus upon making the daily lives of their masters better.  While they may have their own interests and personalities, they are not the ones that have the freedom nor means to pursue those interests like the masters do.  Said historical dramas tend to focus more upon the masters than the servants.

I think it is difficult for many people to understand why someone would accept a lower station in life in a world where opportunity exists to grow beyond that.  If someone makes peace with that decision it is seen as a reflection of weakness.  If an equal is strong, motivated, and independent, then someone who is timid, obedient, and dependent is not an equal. 

When someone holds inferior status, they seem like less of a person. Some may wish to feel their sub is their inferior.  Others will greatly dislike this idea. 

Historically speaking and also within the realm of D/s, there is a lower station in life than that of servant:  slave.  Most of the thriving ancient civilizations had cultures that were heavily based upon slavery.  While accurate  historical data is impossible to determine, it is often estimated that in cultures like ancient Greece, that slaves likely outnumbered citizens in many cases. 

I believe this lowest station in life is the most difficult for people to picture and it is heavily influenced by slavery in the United States that was heavily race-oriented.  In much of history, slavery was not based upon race, it was a class of society that existed as the backbone of their economy and could happen due to losing a war, your village being raided, family debt, birth, and the like. In this state you are less than a person.  Your station in life is to obey and the chances of ever rising above that are slim to none. 

Overall, I believe that all of these situations exist in some form in D/s.  As you move down the ladder, subs seem less and less like equals.  If someone ever asks what makes a Domme see the sub as "less of a man," I hope this writing gives some answers to that question.