Random Thoughts on flavors of D/s

One of the biggest fundamental differences in the way that people view a BDSM-oriented kink lifestyle is related to how encompassing the dynamics fall into every day life. Basically, does power exchange occur only during defined periods or is it on all the time?

For some, D/s is roleplay engaged in between consenting individuals for set periods of time with the goal of mutual pleasure.

For some, D/s is a way of life that governs nearly every aspect of daily life.

There are also some hybrid forms where most of the "action" occurs at defined times but there may be some daily responsibilities required of one party or the other.

I tend to avoid passing judgement over the flavors that people prefer. The world is far too miserable of a place to look down upon anything that makes a couple happy. If someone just wants steamy hot sex, I see nothing wrong with that. If someone wants a personal servant doting upon their every whim, I see nothing wrong with that.

I will go ahead and create my own terms here: full time for those who practice D/s as an "always on" lifestyle, and part time for those with dynamics that are not always on.

I will note that I believe the vast majority of those who partake in D/s would classify themselves as part time. I believe full time is the minority even though they may be represented disproportionately high in the blogosphere.

A lot of the full time vs. part time reasoning depends heavily upon the preferences of the dominant. They bear the brunt of the responsibility for keeping the dynamics going, so it makes sense that the extent of the dynamics should fall in line with how much they are wanting to monitor things. As far as submissive desires go, I think there is often a wide rift between what they fantasize about and what they can actually handle. With that in mind, it is easy for subs to desire full time but then struggle when facing it as a reality. A good number of them can retain a rational balance by knowing to “be careful what you wish for.”

Having lived out both styles, I have to say that I crave full time beyond anything. The reality of it is terrifying. As much as you can build up trust it is still a leap of faith to present yourself with total vulnerability. I believe this is what separates roleplay from lifestyle. In roleplay you may act powerless or at the mercy of another. It is controlled. There is a start, a stop, and you will be “back to normal” upon its completion. This in itself is a fine choice. It is a safe choice. It is a reasonable and responsible choice.

It is scary as hell to adapt to a new way of living, a new way of thinking, and a new set of ever-evolving expectations while having little power to control what will happen. There are limits, of course, but anything that falls short of those limits is fair game. I think this type of vulnerability scares a lot of people even in vanilla relationships. To allow the one we love to see us without guards, without walls, and without masks is terrifying. They see our good and our bad, our strengths and our weaknesses. However, I have to say that when they see you all the way to your core and still choose to embrace you, you really have found that truly special bond that can’t be built in any other way.