Thoughts on Weakness

So often I find that people try to hide their weaknesses.  They mask them.  They ignore them.  They don’t want anyone to see them.  I’ve never really been a fan of this… because most of the time, everyone can still see them anyways.

I see my weaknesses every time I look at myself.  I see every flaw, bad habit, negative tendency, and struggle.  I try to fix what I can fix.  What I can’t fix I try to compensate for… or over-compensate for in order to make it less detrimental.

So often people cater to their strengths and avoid dealing with their weaknesses at all costs.  Does this ever make us stronger?   With enough work, we can turn weaknesses into strengths.  Well, not always, but we can usually turn weaknesses into sources of strength.

Thoughts like these make me worry about healing.  If I felt good about myself, would I still be able to find the endless motivation to continue my never-ending quest for improvement?  If I ever felt, “good enough,” would this in fact actually be good enough?  Or would I be setting myself up for another string of failures?  These questions scare me enough to wonder if healing is every the right choice for me.

I’ve felt invisible for so long.  Hidden from the world.  Camouflaged in with the masses.  Sometimes I can even pass as normal.  Deep down, I want (some) people to see me… all of me… all of my fucked up broken-ness and accept me.  The thought of this is both terrifying and peaceful.  The more that it happens, the more addicted to it I become.  Will I ever feel safe needing this?  I don’t know.