Well, things seem to be looking a bit upward in a good way. The weather still sucks but Friday I felt better emotionally than I did on Thursday and that breaks a huge string of (20+) days where I felt progressively worse.
It seems that going through my thoughts in the "Have I always been submissive?" post and chat with Miss Lilly helped steer me towards a better emotional direction.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Another practice portrait
Well, this one was supposed to turn into something else... but I just couldn't get the Domme that was supposed to be in the picture to look right and I was much happier with how the other woman turned out. I guess it ended up as a another practice portrait since this picture was the inspiration for what it was supposed to be.
Friday, March 11, 2011
A practice portrait
I stumbled across a picture last night and I immediately wanted to draw it. I thought it turned out fairly well.
Another new drawing
I drew this with some of the details from my post on Jan 12th of Revisiting the Lesbian Fantasy in mind.
In this fantasy scenario I was envisioning a Domme with two subs, one female and one male. The femsub outranks the male sub and receives preferential treatment. Her role is more of a nymphette sex kitten to the Domme while the male sub takes care of the tedious chores and receives the harshest beatings. If the Domme uses the male sub sexually it's either for cunnilingus or strap-on play.
Their behavior is rewarded differently. Based on the femsub's performance she will be allowed more or fewer orgasms per day. Based on the male sub's performance he will have more or fewer days until his next chastity release.
The Domme keeps them in "matching" maid's uniforms, with the male sub's uniform having adjustments to increase humiliation.
In this fantasy scenario I was envisioning a Domme with two subs, one female and one male. The femsub outranks the male sub and receives preferential treatment. Her role is more of a nymphette sex kitten to the Domme while the male sub takes care of the tedious chores and receives the harshest beatings. If the Domme uses the male sub sexually it's either for cunnilingus or strap-on play.
Their behavior is rewarded differently. Based on the femsub's performance she will be allowed more or fewer orgasms per day. Based on the male sub's performance he will have more or fewer days until his next chastity release.
The Domme keeps them in "matching" maid's uniforms, with the male sub's uniform having adjustments to increase humiliation.
Have I always been submissive?
This writing is a bit of catharsis to me...
A recent chat with a Miss Lilly, author of a newer blog called I Lead Him, led to the question if I have always been submissive towards women/girls.
Reflecting upon my past interactions with women, especially during my high school years, has taken on a bit of different perspective now than it has since i last thought about it.
During my mid to late teen years the majority of my closest friends were girls. It was probably a 60/40 split. Back then I was seen as a "good guy," and I had a fairly large social circle since I frequently had parties, could always make everyone laugh, played in bands, and used/abused drugs and alcohol. I was someone that people would talk to about their problems since I was a good listener and was able to give objective and insightful advice to what was going on. I was also able to find their good qualities and help build up their self-esteem.
I always made myself available to anyone and when the chips were down, people knew they could count on me to be there for them. Unfortunately this often opened me up to being used or taken advantage of by some people. At other times, people would treat me like their best friend when things were going bad but then never make time for me when things were going good. I call this being a "foul weather friend." This seemed to be most common with my women friends. I often felt like I was the shoulder to cry on between boyfriends.
At the time I was firmly convinced that I was just being a good guy... good friend, etc. and I was being taken advantage of. Now that I look back on things I know I wasn't as good of a guy as I thought I was but that path led me to my life as a submissive.
I was painfully single for most of high school and much of college. I know deep down I craved nothing more than to be loved and as Rob in the movie High Fidelity said "Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition." Unfortunately that disposition for me had set in at around age 14. No one my age seemed to find me attractive (although women twice my age and for some reason, effeminate gay males, seemed to like me).
I think much of why I was the way that I was... willing to go out of my way for others... was fear of loneliness. I wanted to be someone that other people wanted in their lives. I wanted to be someone that a woman wanted to love. That's not to say the behavior was forced... it was quite genuine at the time: it's who I wanted to be as a person. When I look back, somewhere down the line I must have started projecting that I was that guy who would be there for anyone at any time. Sure, there were people that took advantage of me but at the same time, I realize now how much I needed them. I'm sort of glad that I had them in my life for even a brief period even if it meant I was going to feel betrayed later.
This was especially painful with my women friends. Back then I made a philosophical pact with myself to never fall for a woman simply based upon physical attractiveness. I didn't want to be shallow or superficial since I didn't want to be judged for shallow or superficial reasons. I decided to not fall for a woman until I got to know her pretty well and enjoyed who she was deep down. This made me aspire to be someone that was caring, nurturing, courteous, polite, and reliable. I wanted them to see me deep down and want to be with me because of that. Unfortunately this led to several awkward times where I fell for women friends. In those cases it was sort of like I was the guy in the Onion's article: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
The women that used me when they needed me, was it really so one-sided? When I look back at it now I think I still needed them just as much. I needed them for the hope that I could be loved, either by one of them or they would talk me up so highly to one of their friends that the friend would be interested in me. I was pretty fucking desperate back then, but does that mean I was a bad person? It doesn't really matter really but as I thought through this a lot of the pain I had been carrying since I was younger has seemed to ease up quite a bit.
As I went through this I realized that this is really what set in motion my trip towards being a submissive. To do whatever it takes to please her, to make her smile, to make her feel good, to make her feel loved. As the years progressed my ideals grew beyond the emotional aspects of the relationship. To please her sexually, to give her ultimate bliss, to do whatever it took to satisfy her needs.
I became someone that was willing to sacrifice everything about myself for love. To feel loved was (and is) my one true need.
I'm not sure if that's where my arousal towards feeling used/replaceable stems from, but it makes sense that way. That's the role I ended up having to many of the women I was attracted to during my teens. Is that why it has become something that turns me on? I'm not sure.
What I can say is that it looks like I trained myself to be a submissive.
I'm copying/pasting that onion article here as it's pretty funny and pretty much exemplifies the power that women can wield over men.
From: http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/
By Kimberly Pruitt
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
A recent chat with a Miss Lilly, author of a newer blog called I Lead Him, led to the question if I have always been submissive towards women/girls.
Reflecting upon my past interactions with women, especially during my high school years, has taken on a bit of different perspective now than it has since i last thought about it.
During my mid to late teen years the majority of my closest friends were girls. It was probably a 60/40 split. Back then I was seen as a "good guy," and I had a fairly large social circle since I frequently had parties, could always make everyone laugh, played in bands, and used/abused drugs and alcohol. I was someone that people would talk to about their problems since I was a good listener and was able to give objective and insightful advice to what was going on. I was also able to find their good qualities and help build up their self-esteem.
I always made myself available to anyone and when the chips were down, people knew they could count on me to be there for them. Unfortunately this often opened me up to being used or taken advantage of by some people. At other times, people would treat me like their best friend when things were going bad but then never make time for me when things were going good. I call this being a "foul weather friend." This seemed to be most common with my women friends. I often felt like I was the shoulder to cry on between boyfriends.
At the time I was firmly convinced that I was just being a good guy... good friend, etc. and I was being taken advantage of. Now that I look back on things I know I wasn't as good of a guy as I thought I was but that path led me to my life as a submissive.
I was painfully single for most of high school and much of college. I know deep down I craved nothing more than to be loved and as Rob in the movie High Fidelity said "Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition." Unfortunately that disposition for me had set in at around age 14. No one my age seemed to find me attractive (although women twice my age and for some reason, effeminate gay males, seemed to like me).
I think much of why I was the way that I was... willing to go out of my way for others... was fear of loneliness. I wanted to be someone that other people wanted in their lives. I wanted to be someone that a woman wanted to love. That's not to say the behavior was forced... it was quite genuine at the time: it's who I wanted to be as a person. When I look back, somewhere down the line I must have started projecting that I was that guy who would be there for anyone at any time. Sure, there were people that took advantage of me but at the same time, I realize now how much I needed them. I'm sort of glad that I had them in my life for even a brief period even if it meant I was going to feel betrayed later.
This was especially painful with my women friends. Back then I made a philosophical pact with myself to never fall for a woman simply based upon physical attractiveness. I didn't want to be shallow or superficial since I didn't want to be judged for shallow or superficial reasons. I decided to not fall for a woman until I got to know her pretty well and enjoyed who she was deep down. This made me aspire to be someone that was caring, nurturing, courteous, polite, and reliable. I wanted them to see me deep down and want to be with me because of that. Unfortunately this led to several awkward times where I fell for women friends. In those cases it was sort of like I was the guy in the Onion's article: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
The women that used me when they needed me, was it really so one-sided? When I look back at it now I think I still needed them just as much. I needed them for the hope that I could be loved, either by one of them or they would talk me up so highly to one of their friends that the friend would be interested in me. I was pretty fucking desperate back then, but does that mean I was a bad person? It doesn't really matter really but as I thought through this a lot of the pain I had been carrying since I was younger has seemed to ease up quite a bit.
As I went through this I realized that this is really what set in motion my trip towards being a submissive. To do whatever it takes to please her, to make her smile, to make her feel good, to make her feel loved. As the years progressed my ideals grew beyond the emotional aspects of the relationship. To please her sexually, to give her ultimate bliss, to do whatever it took to satisfy her needs.
I became someone that was willing to sacrifice everything about myself for love. To feel loved was (and is) my one true need.
I'm not sure if that's where my arousal towards feeling used/replaceable stems from, but it makes sense that way. That's the role I ended up having to many of the women I was attracted to during my teens. Is that why it has become something that turns me on? I'm not sure.
What I can say is that it looks like I trained myself to be a submissive.
I'm copying/pasting that onion article here as it's pretty funny and pretty much exemplifies the power that women can wield over men.
From: http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
By Kimberly Pruitt
June 9, 2009 | ISSUE 45•24
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
A Woman's Work is Never Done... Unless...
I did another drawing based upon Lady Grey's "A Woman's Work is Never Done... Unless She Owns a male slave" suggestion and continued it as a theme.
I also made some modifications to the last drawing to meet her request for having the sissy chained to the snow shovel. I also added a dog tether that is meant to lead to an ankle cuff. The tether would have turned out better as chain but chains take a very long time and are difficult to make any changes.
I also made some modifications to the last drawing to meet her request for having the sissy chained to the snow shovel. I also added a dog tether that is meant to lead to an ankle cuff. The tether would have turned out better as chain but chains take a very long time and are difficult to make any changes.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Life still sucks hehe
I had thought I was starting to get my "groove" back but after a few things at work and Mistress relapsing into her BPD they seem to have taken another down-turn.
It's really quite frustrating to know that these emotions and thoughts are false yet being unable to overcome them while they are happening. Having to choke back tears when some crappy sentimental commercial shows up on TV isn't what I'd consider one of my finer moments.
Hopefully something good will happen soon to help turn things around. Until then I'll still be "part-time" on blogging in order to avoid using the internet as a crutch.
It's really quite frustrating to know that these emotions and thoughts are false yet being unable to overcome them while they are happening. Having to choke back tears when some crappy sentimental commercial shows up on TV isn't what I'd consider one of my finer moments.
Hopefully something good will happen soon to help turn things around. Until then I'll still be "part-time" on blogging in order to avoid using the internet as a crutch.
Lesbian Femdom Fantasy Drawing
I finished another drawing today that I think for the most part turned out rather well for my current abilities.
It sort of covers the Lesbian fantasy that I have written about in the past and Lady Grey's post on The Appeal of Disinterest.
This is also my first drawing where I tried to add some sort of hand-drawn background (rather than just using clip art or pre-fab CG).
I was going to have a sign hanging on the wall but I wasn't really motivated to think up something clever and Femdom to have on it. If anyone has any ideas I will add them to the drawing. If you have ever been to someone's home that had like a circular embroidered sign hanging on the wall that said something like "Home Sweet Home" or another cliché... I'm going for what the Domme of the house might have hanging on the wall announcing their lifestyle. If I come up with something I may add it but I'm open to suggestions.
I've also added Lady Grey's suggestion for the sign on the wall. I also added some window frost and poorly drawn icicles. Lastly, the sub's butt didn't turn out quite right so I fiddled with it for longer than I'd like to admit and it still doesn't look right... but now in a different way than before.
It sort of covers the Lesbian fantasy that I have written about in the past and Lady Grey's post on The Appeal of Disinterest.
This is also my first drawing where I tried to add some sort of hand-drawn background (rather than just using clip art or pre-fab CG).
I was going to have a sign hanging on the wall but I wasn't really motivated to think up something clever and Femdom to have on it. If anyone has any ideas I will add them to the drawing. If you have ever been to someone's home that had like a circular embroidered sign hanging on the wall that said something like "Home Sweet Home" or another cliché... I'm going for what the Domme of the house might have hanging on the wall announcing their lifestyle. If I come up with something I may add it but I'm open to suggestions.
I've also added Lady Grey's suggestion for the sign on the wall. I also added some window frost and poorly drawn icicles. Lastly, the sub's butt didn't turn out quite right so I fiddled with it for longer than I'd like to admit and it still doesn't look right... but now in a different way than before.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Failed attempt at perspective
Well, I finished another drawing this evening that took me way longer than I'd like to admit.
I set out to try and do a "Domme towering over her sub" type perspective drawing, trying to get the sub's view looking upwards at her looming over him... but alas, I failed quite badly in that regards.
I do think it turned out fairly okay, but not quite what I was going for.
On the plus side, I only used a model for about 30% of the Domme's body and drew everything else free-hand and I have to say the result was much better than my previous attempts at doing that.
I set out to try and do a "Domme towering over her sub" type perspective drawing, trying to get the sub's view looking upwards at her looming over him... but alas, I failed quite badly in that regards.
I do think it turned out fairly okay, but not quite what I was going for.
On the plus side, I only used a model for about 30% of the Domme's body and drew everything else free-hand and I have to say the result was much better than my previous attempts at doing that.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Drawing
I have a new drawing with two variations. The chains are soooooo time consuming to draw/arrange. The Y-chain is intended to connect to a cock ring at the bottom.
It seems like there's lots of forced sissy art done with shorts (instead of a skirt/dress) so I figure I would give it a try.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
An Uphill Battle
Well... I tried my best to stave off the wave of depression that I could feel coming on for the past month or so but tonight it really set in. I usually do a pretty good job of managing it but every so often things flare up in a bad way and now is one of those times. It's kind of stupid actually, sitting here with all these terrible and negative thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and I am fully aware that they are just my brain malfunctioning on a chemical level, but that doesn't make them go away nor keep them from stealing the joy from my day to day life.
I'm trying to pinpoint a root cause for why this is setting in now seeing as Mistress and I are doing decently well right now. We aren't fighting, but we aren't really doing much either. I think it's coming from gradually wearing down over the past couple of months with difficulties between Mistress and I, lots of problems with her son, my job undergoing "restructuring" that has made my work seem unappreciated and unnoticed, predominantly terrible weather, a couple of big problems going in in my extended family, and some car problems. Now that I think about it, it might have been the flat tire I had today that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm going to take a break from the blog-o-sphere for a while I try to get my head sorted out. Hopefully it'll only take a few days but it may be a bit longer. Spending too much time on the internet when I'm in this kind of mood tends to make it harder to work through it. I do plan to draw as that has been bringing me pleasure and I will be posting drawings as I finish them. I will check in now and then to reply to comments and emails.
I finished a drawing this evening and was in the process of writing a caption for it when everything sort of hit me.
Here it is (minus the caption which I may finish at a later date):
I'm trying to pinpoint a root cause for why this is setting in now seeing as Mistress and I are doing decently well right now. We aren't fighting, but we aren't really doing much either. I think it's coming from gradually wearing down over the past couple of months with difficulties between Mistress and I, lots of problems with her son, my job undergoing "restructuring" that has made my work seem unappreciated and unnoticed, predominantly terrible weather, a couple of big problems going in in my extended family, and some car problems. Now that I think about it, it might have been the flat tire I had today that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm going to take a break from the blog-o-sphere for a while I try to get my head sorted out. Hopefully it'll only take a few days but it may be a bit longer. Spending too much time on the internet when I'm in this kind of mood tends to make it harder to work through it. I do plan to draw as that has been bringing me pleasure and I will be posting drawings as I finish them. I will check in now and then to reply to comments and emails.
I finished a drawing this evening and was in the process of writing a caption for it when everything sort of hit me.
Here it is (minus the caption which I may finish at a later date):
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
And yet more practice
For as long as I can remember I've always wished I was better at drawing so that I could draw sexy women. I wish it wasn't so hard to get good at it.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Some more drawing practice
The facial features on my last drawing didn't turn out as well as I wanted them to so I did some more practice today and I'm fairly happy with how it turned out.
The nose isn't perfect but it's better than I've done in the past and I'm fairly happy with the lips. The iris and pupils aren't quite what I was going for but the overall eye shape turned out quite well.
The nose isn't perfect but it's better than I've done in the past and I'm fairly happy with the lips. The iris and pupils aren't quite what I was going for but the overall eye shape turned out quite well.
Conditioned Sexual Response and Forced Fetish Development
One of my former Mistresses had some pretty extensive experiences with extreme sexual conditioning and control. She was very active in the lifestyle and attended many group functions and encountered many couples where the Dom had developed such a high level of control over the sub's sexual response that they could basically get turned on or off upon command. In the most extreme cases the sub could either orgasm almost immediately in response to a particular command or couldn't orgasm without a command.
This was fairly early in my entry into the lifestyle and I found (and still find) this idea to be very intriguing and quite a turn on. e.g. If she said "get hard" you'd automatically have an erection. If she said "go limp" you'd lose an erection. If she said "cum" you wouldn't be able to hold back an ejaculation even if only minimal stimulus was applied. If she didn't say "cum" you couldn't ejaculate.
Unfortunately things didn't last long enough to ever go down this path but the idea has always remained in the back of my mind. Over the years I've found there's a few ways that are able to manipulate the male sexual response, some of which are physical and others are more emotional/mental. I find some of these options to be appealing while others are not. I don't consider chastity to be a direct part of this (although it can be used to assist in conditioning) since it only controls the ability to get an erection, not the attempt at getting an erection.
The easiest method is through the use of a device. A KTB comes to mind as probably the most prominent device of this type to condition a male to not get hard. While effective it's probably best used in situations where the Domme doesn't want the sub to think of her in a sexual way. Even if he is interacting with her sexually, he's not supposed to respond with any type of arousal. A KTB definitely falls into the realm of negative reinforcement.
More intricate conditioning methods often take a lot of time to establish but at the same time, if they happen regularly over a long enough period of time the conditioning can firmly become a part of the sub's sexuality. Consistent (or even ritualized) negative reinforcement can breed a subconscious association with the action leading to the negative treatment. I believe the key here is that the negative reinforcement has to go beyond what will yield any enjoyment for the sub. This may be difficult in some cases, especially subs that are intense masochists or crave complete degradation. With some experimentation a Domme can probably find some negative act (or intensity of a negative act) that doesn't elicit a sexual response from the sub. With enough time and negative conditioning a sub may stop responding sexually to something that once turned them on or find it much more difficult to get aroused by something in particular or in the most extreme cases find it difficult to get an erection without permission.
Using positive reinforcement to condition a positive sexual association is a bit more straight forward but it can be quite a bit more interesting depending upon how it is used. In its easiest practical use, ordering a sub to partake in an activity the Domme enjoys but he dislikes and granting him a sexual reward afterward will eventually develop a positive sexual response in the sub towards that activity. But what if this is taken to the extreme?
Allowing a sub to ejaculate only under particular circumstances or during a specific act, in a certain environment, or under certain types of stimuli can, in essence, develop a fetish in the sub. Since fetishes are believed to be developed through excessive masturbation while fantasizing about a specific object/situation, limiting a sub's ejaculation only when certain criteria are present (and possibly emphasized) is pretty much the same thing.
With a bit of imagination it seems like a rather devious tool to be able to cause a sub to get off over something they initially had no sexual interest in.
Any thoughts?
This was fairly early in my entry into the lifestyle and I found (and still find) this idea to be very intriguing and quite a turn on. e.g. If she said "get hard" you'd automatically have an erection. If she said "go limp" you'd lose an erection. If she said "cum" you wouldn't be able to hold back an ejaculation even if only minimal stimulus was applied. If she didn't say "cum" you couldn't ejaculate.
Unfortunately things didn't last long enough to ever go down this path but the idea has always remained in the back of my mind. Over the years I've found there's a few ways that are able to manipulate the male sexual response, some of which are physical and others are more emotional/mental. I find some of these options to be appealing while others are not. I don't consider chastity to be a direct part of this (although it can be used to assist in conditioning) since it only controls the ability to get an erection, not the attempt at getting an erection.
The easiest method is through the use of a device. A KTB comes to mind as probably the most prominent device of this type to condition a male to not get hard. While effective it's probably best used in situations where the Domme doesn't want the sub to think of her in a sexual way. Even if he is interacting with her sexually, he's not supposed to respond with any type of arousal. A KTB definitely falls into the realm of negative reinforcement.
More intricate conditioning methods often take a lot of time to establish but at the same time, if they happen regularly over a long enough period of time the conditioning can firmly become a part of the sub's sexuality. Consistent (or even ritualized) negative reinforcement can breed a subconscious association with the action leading to the negative treatment. I believe the key here is that the negative reinforcement has to go beyond what will yield any enjoyment for the sub. This may be difficult in some cases, especially subs that are intense masochists or crave complete degradation. With some experimentation a Domme can probably find some negative act (or intensity of a negative act) that doesn't elicit a sexual response from the sub. With enough time and negative conditioning a sub may stop responding sexually to something that once turned them on or find it much more difficult to get aroused by something in particular or in the most extreme cases find it difficult to get an erection without permission.
Using positive reinforcement to condition a positive sexual association is a bit more straight forward but it can be quite a bit more interesting depending upon how it is used. In its easiest practical use, ordering a sub to partake in an activity the Domme enjoys but he dislikes and granting him a sexual reward afterward will eventually develop a positive sexual response in the sub towards that activity. But what if this is taken to the extreme?
Allowing a sub to ejaculate only under particular circumstances or during a specific act, in a certain environment, or under certain types of stimuli can, in essence, develop a fetish in the sub. Since fetishes are believed to be developed through excessive masturbation while fantasizing about a specific object/situation, limiting a sub's ejaculation only when certain criteria are present (and possibly emphasized) is pretty much the same thing.
With a bit of imagination it seems like a rather devious tool to be able to cause a sub to get off over something they initially had no sexual interest in.
Any thoughts?
A new drawing
I feel like I regressed a bit on this one but it was more difficult than I thought it would be.
This used another picture from Mr Mockle as a model.
This used another picture from Mr Mockle as a model.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Stupid Polls
For some reason votes seem to be dropping off of my polls. I'm not sure if this means that people who voted deleted accounts or if cookies expired, etc. or what. I guess I'll have to start letting them expire rather than changing the end dates to keep them going.
Looking for feedback, suggestions, comments... anything
I guess I've just been feeling lonely lately, especially with Mistress working nights and things being a handful on the home front right now. If anyone has any ideas, comments, suggestions, feedback, requests, etc. for drawings or writings, please let me know.
It's one of those times where I just wish I could feel a connection of some sort.
It's one of those times where I just wish I could feel a connection of some sort.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Fun with drawing
Progress seems to be happening slowly but I've finally been able to notice it in the past few weeks. It seems that it's as much a part of learning the easiest way to draw in Illustrator as it is improving actual techniques.
I still have a long ways to go but it's really bringing me a lot of joy now that it's less of a struggle to convey what I'm trying to.
I pretty much neglected shading on this one as getting the shading right takes me nearly as long as it does to do the entire drawing. It's kind of silly like that. Right now it's pretty much an even split on time: one third drawing almost everything, one third drawing just the eyes, nose, and lips, and one third for shading.
I have another one of just the Domme since it turned out better than I had expected it to.
I still have a long ways to go but it's really bringing me a lot of joy now that it's less of a struggle to convey what I'm trying to.
I pretty much neglected shading on this one as getting the shading right takes me nearly as long as it does to do the entire drawing. It's kind of silly like that. Right now it's pretty much an even split on time: one third drawing almost everything, one third drawing just the eyes, nose, and lips, and one third for shading.
I have another one of just the Domme since it turned out better than I had expected it to.
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