Tuesday, April 13, 2010

sub Drop, the male Orgasm, and Disobedience

There's something that has bothered me a lot about myself within the D/s lifestyle over the years is my tendency to fall into periods of disobedience, disinterest, and mild depression following a period of intense play/lifestyle.

For those who aren't familiar with the term "sub drop," this name is generally given to a sudden emotional downturn following some rather intense play.  This is generally blamed by the wearing off of adrenaline and endorphins and you go from feeling on top of the world to down in the gutter in a very short period of time.  While this is a fairly well-documented topic in BDSM circles, I believe the subject gets a bit more complex when it comes to male subs.

Another well-documented subject in psychology (and other sciences) is the tendency for males to grow emotionally distant and disinterested immediately following an orgasm.  This in turn leads to several days worth of "slacker" behavior and passive disobedience as it takes a while to return to subspace and become properly focused upon his Domme. 

When I am a few days removed from an orgasm (usually following an intense couple of days) I definitely find it difficult to retain proper focus.  By the time I notice it, sub drop sets in and I am filled with terrible feelings of guilt and shame.  If I have performed poorly over that span, my Dommes have been equally frustrated and disappointed in me and often unwilling to give me the type of personal care I need to pull through that downswing.  Knowing that I have disappointed her only exacerbates the pain.

I know that I am not alone in these experiences.  I've racked my brain for solutions over the years to avoid this cycle and have only come up with two.

The first solution is to simply limit the number of orgasms a male has.  I once read a Domme's website and she described it something like this:  The average male sub cannot focus for about a week after orgasm.  The average employee gets two weeks of vacation a year.  Since lifestyle submission is a full-time occupation, the number of orgasms a male sub should have per year ranges from zero to two.

While I don't doubt the wisdom in those words and my heart knows she is 100% right, my own will despises that prospect.  It's like taking a horrible tasting medicine... it's effective but unpleasant.

The second solution is to force the sub back into subspace immediately following orgasm.  There's a variety of means to make this happen, ranging from being forced to drink the cum to an immediate session of scolding and corporal punishment to forced restraint and isolation.  The downside is that I know after an orgasm the last thing I want is for things to continue with the same intensity and certain things become downright unpleasant.

When I am at my best I have requested mid-play to be denied orgasm since I didn't want the intense feelings of closeness, love, and adoration of my Mistress to go away.  It is unfortunate that I am rarely at my best. 

I wish I could come up with a third option or find the strength of will to accept the two I have come up with.

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