Sunday, April 11, 2010

Tips on Courting a Domme Part 3

Continued from previous post.

7. Be grateful for every opportunity
It will most likely take you several attempts... if not dozens of attempts to get a Domme to give you a chance.   Always show appreciation for being given the chance to make an impression even if she turns you down.  While it will probably hurt, being thankful for having a Domme take the time to talk with your or write you back will hopefully leave a good impression.  Things may change and she may give you another chance in the future or have a friend she thinks you are perfect for.  Basically, don't be pissed off or throw a tantrum because what seems like the end might not really be the end, or worst case, doing so may get you blacklisted in the community.

8. Don't give up
By don't give up I mean, don't give up in general.  If she tells you to stay away from her or quit sending her emails, then you best stay away from her and quit contacting her.  However, always keep trying and make yourself available.  If you continually better yourself and make yourself more appealing your chances will increase over time.  It's often random chance that puts you into a position to meet a Domme that is looking for a sub like you and you should be prepared for that day.

Taking a negative "fuck this, there's no Dommes out there" attitude is very very very off-putting.  No one will pity you, and any Dommes that see you like that probably won't give you the time of day.

9. Don't be desperate
Just like in vanilla dating, women can spot a desperate guy from a mile away.  You don't have to exude an over-whelming confidence, but don't be so desperate that you'll jump at anyone/anything that comes your way.  Not only does this reflect poorly on you, but the worst thing you can do is to jump into a terrible situation and stick it out because of desperation.  It will only end up with both of you being unhappy.

10. Be open about your fetishes and fantasies yet willing to compromise
Keep in mind you probably shouldn't list off everything you would like to do/experience in a first contact.  If things go well and she takes an interest in you, there's a good chance she will ask about these.  A good "fit" is important in long-term D/s relationships.  It doesn't take long by sharing your fetishes and fantasies with one another to see if there's a chance that things could work out.  If you absolutely positively need to have pegging but she holds a great dislike for pegging, you probably shouldn't hop into a relationship together.

There will likely be certain fetishes that are less important to you.  These may pop up as a reward every now and then but being willing to accept that they won't happen increases your chances. 

The more you can articulate about your fetishes the more likely they can work into your (potential) relationship.  Like, it turns me on to be feminized and at the same time it makes me incredibly submissive, humiliated, and obedient and being feminized in public brings me great fear and agitation.  If feminization doesn't "do it" for her, she may still integrate it into the lifestyle as a punishment.  Depending upon how she feels about each of your fetishes will determine whether or not they happen at all, happen frequently, happen as a reward, or happen as a punishment.

Having both parties knowing what to expect goes a long way in terms of compatibility.

This is about all I can think of off-hand as I am a bit tired.  If I can come up with anything else I will post a part 4.

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