Sunday, April 11, 2010

Tips on Courting a Domme Part 2

Continued from my previous post...

4. Be honest
Again, this is something I shouldn't have to say but being realistic, It should be reiterated.  Be absolutely honest at all times.  If you are unsure or haven't thought about something, say so.  If there are things that you absolutely positively will never do (aka hard limits), be forthcoming about them if asked.  Even the slightest fib or white lie will come back to haunt you in the long run if things actually work out.  Dodging questions with passive aggressive answers in order to hide your true feelings and be more "appealing" also won't fly well. 

Always assume that the Domme finds the process of weeding through potential subs to be tedious and unpleasant.  The least you can do is be honest with her, especially if she takes the time to contact you or reply to your contact.

5. Be flexible
Have an eagerness to learn and a willingness to try new things or even change yourself if needed.  The D/s dynamic relies heavily upon compromise on the sub's part.  It's good to have hard limits, but try to be open minded and keep it to a minimum.  Most hard limits you might have will probably also be hard limits for a Domme.  Things like scat play, beastiality, amputation, castration, involving minors, etc. are more commonly submissive male fetishes than they are Domme fetishes.  You should have a list of hard limits, it's the honest way to be, and if your hard limits include things that are considered taboo/extreme even by BDSM standards, it's often a sign that your head is screwed on correctly.

It is okay to have a long list of soft limits that make you uncomfortable but you are willing to consider them if they are done on consensual terms.  If you lack real life experience this might be a pretty big list, but keeping yourself open to experimenting will make you more appealing than a sub who is rigid and inflexible about many things.

Keep in mind that you aren't choosing her, it's up to whether or not she chooses you.  If you are willing to completely restructure your life in order to march to the beat of her drum, more power to you (although it might come off as BS if you were to state that openly).  The phrase "I don't know, but I'm willing to try," can go a long ways in making a good impression.

Aside from limits, the faster you are at learning and adapting, the better suited you will be towards a D/s relationship.  This leads us to the next tip...

6. Separate yourself from the pack
Since it is up to her to choose you how do you get her to notice you?

The key here is to have or learn skills that will be useful and appealing.  Many many subs will claim loyalty, devotion, obedience, etc. so unless you are extraordinarily wealthy, think about the things that she could want or need in addition to those things and aspire to become someone who can fulfill those desires.  Your area probably has tons of adult education classes where you can develop new, useful skills.

A list of examples of things that can be learned with practice:
-Be proficient at cleaning.
-Be proficient at landscaping/yard work/gardening.
-Be proficient at laundry (including delicates, wools, etc.) and ironing.
-Know how to do at least simple household repairs.
-Be a good cook and capable of learning/perfecting her favorite dishes.
-Learn to give a good massage or even better, multiple types of massage (theraputic, relaxing, etc.).
-Learn to give a quality manicure/pedicure.
-Learn to tailor/sew/knit/etc.
-Learn to paint/draw/write.

A list of examples that take a bit more training but are definite pluses if you can do them:
-Auto repair.
-Metal working.
-Electrical Work.

To be continued...

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