Lady Grey's recent comments on my previous post got me thinking on a related, but different subject. I have dabbled on this subject a bit on previous posts as well but I'm going to explore it briefly, time permitting.
I am a submissive with a desire for deep submission. Through my experiences I have discovered my own particular fetishes as well as how certain things affect me. A while back I had posted that submission is like altruism, you do it for someone else but you also do it for yourself because you like how it makes you feel.
I find that many things in the D/s lifestyle can't be linked to a single motive. I desire deep submission because it increases my love and devotion. I desire deep submission because I can make her happy when I am this way. I desire deep submission because I feel good about myself when I make her happy. I desire deep submission because it makes me feel safe and loved.
I know to some of the more "hard core" types, I should be willing to bury my own feelings and only be driven by the fact that it makes her happy. The question is, should I feel guilty at all for the other three reasons being a part of it?
This extends beyond my basic submission but into a few more specific fetish areas. If she wears a fur coat and leather boots and gloves I immediately fall into a deep subspace. It makes me feel more submissive and both of us enjoy this fact. I also get incredibly turned on and both of us also enjoy this fact. She also enjoys wearing fur and leather on its own. Should I feel guilty for wanting her to dress that way since the motive is not solely for her pleasure?
As I've come to accept myself as a sissy, this has nagged me constantly (please read my "The Making of a Sissy" posts for a background on this), especially when I admitted it to my Mistress at our first meeting. Being forced to be fully dressed in a humiliating manner complete with locking collar and cuffs probably has the greatest affect on me as a submissive as well in terms of my arousal. This drives me to the deepest level of subspace I have ever experienced. It pushes my love and devotion to the greatest levels I have felt. It maximizes my attentiveness and focus. While she derives some pleasure from my humiliation, she mostly does it for the other reasons I listed. Should I feel guilty about wanting this?
I don't know the answer to these questions and I'm sure people will have mixed responses on it. Since my desire is truly to experience deep submission, does that make it okay since they all contribute to that? Since they provide some sexual arousal that isn't directly linked to the submission should I feel guilt?