Thursday, May 13, 2010

Thoughts on the Vanilla to D/s Conversion Techniques

Something that popped into my head tonight is the almost uniform approach by men to introducing a bit of kink into a vanilla relationship.  It's kind of an odd one as you'll find an almost identical word-for-word methodology for guiding a relationship towards Femdom, chastity, etc.

They all seem to say the same things:
-Get your man to be more obedient and better behaved.
-Be happier because your man is more obedient and better behaved.
-Make sure your needs are met because they obviously aren't being met as well with the status quo.
-Get your man to do everything you don't want to do yourself.

I know there's more reasons, but as a whole that seems to be the standardized approach to the subject.

It can be effective but it also fails in a lot of ways.  I've found it actually works better introducing this idea to women when they are single and not as well in long-term relationships and marriages.  Why not?

From what I can tell its trade offs aren't really an apples to apples comparison.  We are all of a sudden looking at sexual power vs. ease of lifestyle.  Turn your man on and he will become a cooking, cleaning, ironing machine that will never embarrass you in front of your friends.

If men really want their wives/girlfriends to gain a similar pleasure I'm curious why they don't try a slightly different approach.  Why doesn't he just say "Honey, I want you to be the all-powerful Sex Goddess who has me at your beck and call.  I want to grant you ultimate pleasure and happiness and worship your divinity.  Please grant my wish and accept my love and devotion,"?

I realize this may lead to some problems as wanting her to assume a new role implies that she wasn't always the all-powerful Sex Goddess, but for relationships that don't have as much spark as they did in the first few months, I think most reasonable people would be able to see things in a realistic light. 

It seems to me that if he wants her to embrace his sexual submissive nature, shouldn't he want her to embrace a sexual dominant nature?  To me, it seems most women especially those who may struggle with self-confidence or self-esteem might enjoy this a whole lot more.  If they feel loved and appreciated on a greater level than they are accustomed to, wouldn't this do more to unlock a dominant personality?

It seems that if things were instigated in the bedroom and slowly bleeding it into daily life with chivalry and servitude vanilla women might be more open to this lifestyle.  It just makes more sense to me that if she is brimming with self-confidence and sexual power that she is more likely to embrace a man that will take care of the mundane daily tasks.

I could be wrong here but this seems to be a bit more consistent with Femdom guides written by women for women.  I've always felt that dominance is rooted in self-confidence and self-esteem and the male-conjured approaches tend to be a bit misguided in that regards.  If I had to bet on it I'd wager that the "nothing says 'I love you' like a clean house" just doesn't hit the right places in a woman's heart.

It seems that tag-lines like these might be more effective:
-Orgasm like never before.
-Feel the intense burning passion of your man's love whenever you want it.
-Feel like the sexiest woman on the planet when he's near you.

Assuming that women are less sexual in nature than men is a big mistake IMO. 

Any comments?


  1. I agree completely. If I were ever (and I can't see it happening) to have a vanilla relationship again, I would much prefer your suggested approach than the typical approach. Just reading your question sparked a small fire inside of me and I've been FemDom for a while. If it still works on an experienced Domme, I can't see why it wouldn't work on a Goddess that hasn't found her throne yet. Keep up the wonderful writing as always!

  2. Thank you for the compliments, Mistress Wykkyd, I definitely appreciate the feedback.