Sunday, December 11, 2011


Part of why I've been blogging and drawing so much is that I struggle from depression.

When it starts "tingling" I go out of my way to fight it off, usually in the form of setting goals or tasks for myself to complete and then going at them full-on.  I can feel my resolve starting to falter a bit.

Part of it is due to the weather... I live in an area where it's going to be cold as hell and covered in snow for the next 3+ months so even things like going to the store that's 3 miles away can seem like a chore.  This in turn leads to some shut-in status and weight gain which doesn't do much for self-esteem.

While those are factors, the primary thing is that the holidays have a lot of terrible memories for me.  The kind of deep-rooted shit that has carved some big emotional scars that have kept me struggling my whole life.  Last year I vanished from the internet for a few months working to get myself back on track and I'm hoping to avoid that this year.

So... if you read this blog (and hopefully enjoy it)... your comments and requests help give me a goal to work towards and keep my head above water.  If there's anything you like, don't like, want to see more of, want me to talk about, want me to draw, etc. please let me know.  Comments, email, even just saying "hey" on my chat box... those all keep me going.

Sorry if this makes me seem like a whiny-ass bitch, I can just spot the signs of my depression kicking in early on while I still have the power to beat it. 


  1. I know the feeling, Fur. I hate winter, and fantasize about living somewhere year around that never, ever sees snow. Maybe one day, when my husband retires.

    Here's a little something to sink your teeth into (figuratively, of course):

    BALL INJURY - as you know, I'm on the verge of organizing a slave competition, and the subject of a ball tug of war keeps coming up. I noted - and appreciate - your take on this on my blog, especially the idea of socks or somesuch. I do worry that an injury can result no matter what steps I take. So my question to you (and I know you love to research things) is just how much brutal stretching can balls take before injury is a real factor, and just what form can such an injury take when men are pulling desperately against each other "by the balls" so to speak? Is this just a stupid thing to risk? Should the idea be relegated to fantasy instead of reality?

    It would take all the fun out of my slave competition if an actual serious injury should occur. I'm not comfortable bringing this question up with a doctor, for obvious reasons, so I'm hoping you're willing to do the research.

  2. Thank you, Lady Grey.

    I wouldn't mind snow as much if we didn't get so damn much of it and once it melted in the spring it was gone for the year. Reaching temperatures below 45 degrees is sort of a prerequisite for some of my fetishes so it's kind of a lose/lose situation for me regardless. I just have to find that perfect location that get snow for like one month a year and isn't too hot in the summers :P

    As for the ball injury... there is no guarantee of safety with this. There could be factors put in place to reduce this potential, but the potential cannot be eliminated unless you had some sort of harness that anchored the brunt of the force to the waist or something like that. From my experiences the balls are capable of handling 10-12 lbs of force without a problem and if you were to tether to the cock and balls, probably 20-30 lbs of force.

    Ways to reduce injury potential:
    -Put them in socks, sweat pants, and put socks or wool mittens on their hands.
    -Have them be on all fours.
    -Use something "soft" as the tether.
    -Go around both the cock and balls instead of just the balls with the tether.
    -Perform the contest on a waxed (or super slick) hardwood floor.

    I suppose something could be rigged with a bondage belt where the tether ran through several rings on the belt and then was put around the balls/cock as sort of a "choke chain" type of tension. That would distribute some of the tension to the rings on the belt and reduce the tension on the balls.

    I read about this on a message board a long time ago and although it was written as a real occurrence it was probably fantasy. From what they wrote (that was realistic) is that once one side got the momentum going, the other side was helpless to stop it and was basically dragged along by the balls.

    The appeal of this situation is that it causes tons of discomfort for both winner and loser, but greater discomfort for the loser.

    There isn't really scientific data on this subject but a quick google search yielded:
    -It should take over 200 lbs of force to tear off a scrotum.
    -It takes ~75 lbs of force to crush a testicle (or ~25 lbs of force per sq inch).

    I would err on the side of caution and probably avoid it. If this idea really floats your boat you could do some "field research." If you tugged on his balls/genitals and got a "pain scale" going it would probably say a lot. If you're able to reach the point where you are leaning back with your full weight and he's still not above a 7, it should be relatively safe. Testing it with a slick floor to see how easily he slides and if it causes pain, seeing if a belt idea works, etc.

    When Mistress and I play she tugs on my balls and junk quite hard and she's often surprised at how hard she can pull before it hurts.

  3. Another game idea:

    Handcuff their hands behind their back.
    Lock their ankles to a spreader bar > 16" long.
    Get a ball parachute and mount a small tray at the bottom (with certain parachutes it will probably stay on its own within the chains). Place a round-ish object on the tray (ball, egg, etc.).

    Use a stop watch and have them waddle around an obstacle course while keeping the round object balanced. If the object falls off the tray make them start the course over but keep the timer going and add a punishment swat. Best time wins.

  4. I got stuck doing mindless crap at work today so I was able to think about this more.

    It takes ~32 lbs of force to raise a gallon of milk 4' in 1 second (8 lbs of force to hold it at a constant height) if that gives a frame of reference for the 75 lbs and 200 lbs of force needed to maim.

    I also wanted to formally thank you, Lady Grey, for giving me some things to think about. You did the same for me last year and I am very grateful for the help.

    I posted a more in depth alternate game idea on my newest post. I hope it might help inspire some ideas.

  5. Fur, I just knew you'd research and think about this subject zealously, and I'm more than happy if it has helped you get your mind off the impending winter gloomies. Thank you so much for all of your thoughts, and I'll comment more on your next posting - which I've already peeked at.

    As a small addendum, just let me say that if you were my sub, I'd keep you so busy that you wouldn't have time to be depressed:) I do believe that Karl would attest to that, especially during this pre-competition period.

  6. You're very welcome, Lady Grey.

    Femdom definitely keeps my depression from kicking in for no reason. If I'm constantly in subspace, the only depression I have to worry about is the "uh oh, I fucked up" type of shame that can be purged with proper punishment.


  7. Cleo and I will be there for you this season. Promise. As you well know, we live where it snows too. And holidays can be tough.


  8. Thank you, Cleo and Marc, I really appreciate the support.