Friday, July 22, 2016

FINALLY done with Part 43 (Potential spoilers, do not read until you have finished 43)

I finally wrote fs01 out of (the) prison (experiment).   Oh my God this was an undertaking.  A handful of real life issues and conflicts with T didn't help the process.  I've also noticed that at some point I became much worse at "passing time" in the story... and began writing in much greater detail.  These didn't help either.

To give some background to this, I wrote part 32 with a basic idea in mind for the arc.  This first idea  didn't end up inspiring me so I scrapped it and attempted something else.  I scrapped it and just sat there lost.  I tried another attempt... and scrapped it, feeling like it couldn't carry an entire arc without already having a lot of the ideas in place.

1. After Arc 5, Dominique invites Cassandra to visit a local secret Femdom Society type social group.
2. Do a very brief version of #1 and meet some new people.  One new contact is a college professor and asks to borrow fs for a class example on abnormal psychology and sexuality.
3. A vacation.

Some of these will probably turn up at some point... but probably in bonus chapter form. 

The prison experiment is actually a long-standing fantasy of mine.  Originally I had ideas for two stories: Arc 1 (Kimmy) and a "real" version of Arc 6.  Both of these were meant to be comics and mostly visual.  I ended up writing Arc 1 instead of Arc 6 and enjoyed it quite a bit. 

I already had many ideas for Arc 6 in mind so I set it up in the plot for Cassandra to reconnect with her former professor and volunteer fs for some graduate students prison experiment.  It started out smooth but the actual writing (instead of drawing) took its toll.  Did I really write a couple of thousand words on carrying sandbags out in the snow?  Really?

The original version of the fantasy was mostly fantasy.  The new prisoners were taken out as a chained/harnessed convoy and they would move blocks of ice... for like 6+ months.  

I tried to come up with something more reasonable in this story and came up with the sandbag idea and used a time frame that was based upon my asshole football coach's punishment when a few players dogged it during our wind sprints in 100 degree heat two-a-days.  We actually had to carry 80 lb. tackling bags in full pads/equipment 100 yards back and forth as fast as possible for several hours, denied water in the process.  I actually felt like the method I chose to write was almost "too easy." 

I had come up with several benchmarks for fs's emotional state that would trigger the next stage of the experiment.  Originally he was going to spend 5-7 days on bags with guards tormenting him and preventing him from meeting his quotas.  After the first chapter of this I decided to speed it up.  The stage 2 conditioning was originally going to be more elaborate and I brainstormed with a reader on what type of methods would work for this.  I ended up settling for something much more simple: sexual pleasure at submission, pain and trauma at any aggression towards women.  I cut this short because it was going to seem too brutal if I wrote it out over days and fs didn't even need the conditioning. 

My eventual idea was that Dominique would be the one perceptive enough to see fs's mental state and accelerate breaking him.  As screwed up as her character may seem at some times, I think she is always the least conflicted and most experienced character in the story.  This would make her easily see small personality cues that other people would miss while they deal with their own spiraling internal feelings.

In this Arc Cassandra is supposed to be in a state of flux, uncertain of herself and testing the limits of her sadistic side.  I didn't think I would surpass the expectations of my readers to such a great extent here.

Lauren's betrayal was part of the original fantasy.  She would act in a Lisa-type role and then put fs into his worst experience of the entire ordeal, ripping his emotions to shreds.

I left a lot of the details out during the project discussion that I had in the original fantasy idea.  That story was going to be about a guy that gets framed and railroaded by a corrupt judge, prosecutor, and public defender that get a kickback from the company running the prison.  His defense basically rolls over and tells him to take a plea deal or face a worse prison sentence in a worse prison.  Go to the new one and it's all women, no inmate on inmate rape, and you'll probably be out within a year.  Once there, I had planned to follow 3-5 prisoners but the main one would eventually fall in love with a guard who torments him and uses him sexually.  The other details of the prison were that all men who went there were forced to get a divorce. 

After completing three stages of rehabilitation they would be eligible for parole and the parole board would toy with them.  If they were paroled, that status would not be lifted until they managed to pay back their debt accumulation (the cost of their incarceration) and their chastity belts would remain locked on until they were "free."  To leave the prison they would need a woman to act as an overseer for them, either at a halfway house or by an individual (they would receive $ in exchange for being caregivers).  Those who were not chosen would work off their debt as prison employees.  If a woman chose to marry them it would clear their debt and she would determine when his parole period would end, granting him a release from chastity.  There were some story ideas for these scenarios as well. 

Now that I read this I realize just how screwed up some of my fantasies probably seem :)

I normally write these posts after the Arc is done... but in this place I just felt an immense amount of relief at being able to write some scenes that will speak to me more as the Arc winds down.  I use this story to live vicariously through fs01 and bring about the emotions I want to have... and unfortunately the bulk of this arc took me farther away from them rather than closer to them. 


  1. I was going along, happily following each of your fantasy descriptions, think: "yes, uh huh, yep, sounds good" right up until I ran head-first into:

    "Now that I read this I realize just how screwed up some of my fantasies probably seem :)"

    Hmm...well, yeah so that means my fantasies are all screwed up too.... (VERY mixed feelings about the reality of that!) ;)

    I am sorry that the ARC took you further from the emotions you were hoping to engage or release.

    Objectification is a really slippery area.....

    1. Thank you, Watson. I haven't really shared much of this fantasy before, mostly because I know how dark it is. The original earning a coat was for the previous day's top performer, which was essentially putting a target on that person's back. I try to be as realstic as I can about it... this is beyond what I would care to experience :)

      In previous arcs I always enjoyed the connection after a tough ordeal. It just felt so far away while I was writing it.

  2. You've said before that you are not a masochist and don't seek physical pain, I believe. So dealing with all of this physical pain that you've put fiction fur through, and stating that this situation reflects some of your own dark fantasies, it's not hard to see why there's confusion with your emotions. I'm not sure why you expected this ARC to bring about the emotions you want to have. Did everything just get out of hand somewhere along the way?

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.
      I do not consider myself a masochist or enjoy pain. I do crave the deep submissive states that I wrote about 2 weeks ago in the posts about emotional masochism. Setting up scenarios that reach those states can seem quite extreme. With this Arc, the writing definitely got out of hand.

      The events of this section covered ~4 days. It just felt getting through each day took a lot longer than most of the earlier arcs, with the exception of Arc 5, which mostly took place over one day.

      A lot of the confusion is the disconnect between my rational brain, my heart, and how my subspace is driven and its arousal link. It's like "wow, I understand why this turns me on but I really wish that it didn't."

  3. I always like to hear your thoughts about your wrintings , thank you for sharing