Monday, July 18, 2016

A Sea of Thoughts: Loving Submission (submission with love)

EDIT: I changed this post title to include a Sea of Thoughts... I had intended to write this in a more organized way but after I let my thoughts spiral... it sort of just went all over.

After spending a lot of time writing about some of the more extreme D/s mental dynamics I figure it's a good time to get back to more realistic and general assessments of my submission.

I tend to always look at my own submission through the eyes of love.  I don't want to submit to just anyone, I want to submit to the one I love.  While on occasion I may have played or been trained by someone I was not in love with, that felt more like "just sex".  The deep emotional bonds and connections weren't present, nor was the emotional and internal reward.

Loving submission is a complicated and ever-evolving idea.  While fetishes may come into play, the act of surrender is a deeper symbol.  To love with the entirety of your being.  To give with your all.  To allow for ultimate vulnerability and hide nothing from her eyes, mind, or heart.  This is not a cowardly act.  To submit through love is not a simple action without thought, it is not giving up control to be a drone.  To submit through love is not a sacrifice or a compromise, it is a focus, a priority, a goal, and a way of thinking.

Lifestyle submission requires ultimate flexibility and adaptability for a sub.  Can you be exactly what she needs at any given time?  Do you know the right words to make her smile when she is feeling down?  Can you sense when she needs a warm embrace?  Can you be a man she is interested when she wants to enjoy the company of her companion?  Many of these are vanilla acts that that are a part of a woman's long-term happiness.  Being able to balance the feelings of a man with the feelings of a sub are a part of the life.

Much of loving submission is the ability to act.  It is common for people to think that submission is mostly reaction.  While there are times that reaction and obedience are important, impressing her with the man that you are goes beyond being a remote control toy.  That is not to say that obedience doesn't have its value but to be worthy of her (or as close to worthy as possible) requires giving more than the minimum.  An animal can be obedient. While we are not necessarily supposed to understand her dominance, I believe she does want us to understand her as a woman.  Our acts, words, and our minds behind them show her that we can be truly in tune with her without the need for her to constantly bark orders.

Action involves thought.  Through loving submission these thoughts flow naturally. Some of these thoughts try to touch her deeply.  What would make her happy?  What would make her smile?  What would make her feel loved?  What would warm her heart?  Other thoughts are more momentary.  It is hot outside, maybe she would like a cool drink.  It is cold outside, I should warm up a towel and her bath robe in the dryer so that she is comfortable when she gets out of the shower.  If traffic/work is bad, maybe I should cook her favorite meal for dinner and hope that it makes her smile.  I believe that simple gestures like these can say a lot about our mindset when they are unsolicited and motivated purely out of our love and concern for her comfort and happiness.  I want these thoughts in my mind all the time. 

It is common for the benefits of submission to reflect the idea of "meeting her needs."  I agree with this basic expectation.  I do not agree that a sub's mind should stop there.  I am not content with merely meeting her needs; I wish to exceed them.  I long to meet her dreams.  To be more than she requires... to surpass what she could even imagine asking for.  That is the depth of the love I desire to display through submission.

I would love to lie and say that I can maintain this perfectly all the time.  I am not perfect, far from it.  These are the ideas and ideals I aspire to be.  The more they exist in my mind and in my heart the closer I can be to reaching them.  Ultimately flexible.  Ultimately complimenting.  To be her perfect fit... perfect match... at any time.  I want to touch her heart so deeply that she cannot picture life without me... just as I cannot picture life without her. 

It is not an easy task.  Can I be her knight when she needs protecting?  Can I be her lover when she needs tenderness?  Can I be her plaything when her fire burns inside her?  Can I be her servant to free her from the stress of the mundane?  Can I be her confidant when she needs an ear?  Can I be her escort when she wants to have fun?  Can I be her jester when she wants to laugh?  Can I be her shoulder when she needs to cry?  Can I be her pillar when she needs my strength?

To answer yes to all these questions... and any more that may exist, I must never stop aspiring to be more.  This is my loving submission.  This is how my heart yearns for the one I love. 


  1. There are some very pretty and sweet quotes there. Thank you.

    1. Thank you Miss Lily. I almost titled it "Hear Vomit" instead of a sea of thoughts because rereading it immediately after posting it, that's immediately what came to mind. I didnt want to ruin it with that title though.

      I also thought abour rewriting it into something that was a little more cohesive but decided not to :)

  2. I'm certainly glad you didn't retitle it.

    It is comforting and rare to read words that match one's feeling so thoroughly.

    You touched on the concept of proactive submission, a notion which eludes many submissives. Something that is wonderfully challenging--how to delight without over-stepping.

    As I reflected on your words, perhaps the greatest treatise on "love" came to mind, causing me to change the words:

    "Submission is patient, submission is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

    1. Thank you, Watson. Midway through the 3rd paragraph I just sort of let things fly.

      Your quote is quite nice and resonates within me.

  3. Loving submission requires total commitment, and though it's something of an unreachable ideal, it's certainly an admirable goal. What you didn't mention is that reaching such a goal also requires a willing partner. Many Doms simply don't want that level of submission from their subs. They often have no desire to be loved in that manner, only seek total obedience, and are actually uncomfortable with a sub who is that enamored. I've witnessed some Femdoms who would simply laugh at the kind of loving submission to which you aspire. Always remember that it takes two to tango, and reaching an ideal of submissive love requires a willing recipient.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      I agree that it is important to consider the desires of the other. I have found that in lifestyle situations the "freedom" to act on some things isn't always there but my thoughts remain even if I cannot act upon them.

      I have actually never encountered in person a Domme that would prefer to not have this type of relationship as most of the lifestyle Dommes I have known were married to their subs and did love them. I did receive an inquiry once from a local pro Dominatrix looking for a houseboy that may have entailed something closer to what you described but I did not deem it to be a good fit.

      Writing this was my attempt to connect with the feelings that fueled the first half of fs01 and try to get myself out of Arc 6 ASAP.

      Take care.