Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Pleasant insecurity?

Over the past few days I have finally found some nooks and crannies on the web that make me feel a bit more comfortable and safer with interacting and sharing thoughts, feelings, and ideas.  Something has felt a bit strange though and I'm having trouble putting my finger on it. 

I have often prided myself as being an open-minded thinker with a capacity to empathize, analyze, and discuss complicated personal and emotional topics.  Recently I've felt something that I haven't felt since I was a newbie in the lifestyle and digging around for information and ideas... I'm finding a lot of people that have "better" thoughts than I do and are far more eloquent at conveying these thoughts and ideas than I have ever been.

I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, it's just a new and different feeling that I'm not accustomed to having.  Since I returned from my extended blogging break I have found myself a lot more relaxed in my points of view.  I am a lot more tolerant and open about how things differ from my own feelings.  I am a lot less likely to try and impose viewpoints upon others.  This has shown up in my writing quite a bit as I am now more apt to make a "sea of thoughts" post and float ideas around rather than my old method of writing an outline-based "article" that defines and justifies some ideas with a conclusion at the end.

I can't tell if this is a sign of maturity or if I've just gotten dumber.  It could also be a sign that I'm writing from a set of ideas and memories rather than reflecting on feelings that I experienced earlier in the day.  In any case it makes me want to step up and get back to a point where I feel like I'm someone who can write something interesting to say. 

While I do know there are merits to simply making comments that are of a "thank you" or "good luck" nature, I think I am defaulting to these too often and not delving deeper into the thoughts and emotions that made me feel good about writing in the first place. 

Just some food for thought I guess.


  1. You said "In any case it makes me want to step up and get back to a point where I feel like I'm someone who can write something interesting to say."

    I always find your thoughts interesting, even those sea of thoughts posts that may jump around a bit more.

    1. Thank you, Miss Lily. I guess I'm just in awe of some of the excellent writing I have recently come across.

  2. Sorry....I tried to write the next sentence in a neutral way, but doing so just felt wrong.

    Having less of a need to impose your views on others, being tolerant and open about how your feelings differ from theirs are hallmarks of being mature and secure in your self (intentionally written as two words.)

    I think it is a place that few people manage to find, especially in the kinds of things that you/we talk about here.

    I think things ebb and flow for everyone depending on whats going on internally, but you have so many important things to say and share. Remarkably so.

    I've also been impressed your diligence in commenting on each comment. And with obvious efforts to go beyond "thank you." I'm extra-impressed because I know it is something that I'd not do nearly as well as you.

    1. Thank you, Watson. Occasionally I do default to a thank you since I have nothing to add except to state appreciation. I do try to acknowledge all though... I have gone through stretches of receiving very few comments and it always means a lot to me when people take the time to write.

      The downside of this current version of me is that I find it much harder to make comments on other writings in a compelling way. The desire to "be right on the internet" or to "be interesting to everyone" just isn't there anymore, so it's kind of a double-edged sword in a way :)

      Take care.