Monday, July 25, 2016

Primal Instinct and Cuckolding

Edit: I added a paragraph at the end roughly one hour after posting this. It was something I forgot to mention.

I don't think I have ever written much on cuckolding.  It is not something that interests me and falls onto my list of hard limits.  It is something I am aware of and slightly worrisome about, as much of my D/s interests seem to point to this as a long-run outcome.  A recent comment exchange brought up some very intriguing thoughts upon this topic and it has inspired me to write about it. 

Cuckolding is an activity that I have always seen as a long-run activity.  Unless someone enters into a relationship with this at the forefront, it is an activity that seems to require years of love, trust, and evolution of D/s dynamics to reach.  I do not believe in most cases that cuckolding is planned... it is merely something that appears as "the next" step down an ever-expanding path.

For many, that path often shares similar traits.  The strongest underlying factors seem to be the notions of humiliation and emasculation.  The sub is gradually broken down on an emotional level.  He is humiliated and emasculated until he is no longer deserving of her as a sexual entity.  e.g. His sexual prowess is too low.  His penis is too small.  His stamina is too short.  His abilities are too poor.  He cannot gratify her sexual needs in a level in which she deserves.  She seeks greater pleasure elsewhere.

This is one potential avenue and one that seems to be common in this lifestyle.  It is also common for chastity and feminization to be involved.  Since his penis is worthless, it may as well be locked up so he can maintain his focus as a submissive.  If he is feminized and given a large number of domestic duties he is no longer a desirable mate.  He is weak.  He is broken.  He is inferior.

All of this makes sense to me from a submissive standpoint.  My theory that humiliation justifies insecurities flows very well within this framework.  It makes sense for a man to fantasize about this.  What I have never understood is exactly how this works for the woman.

Over the years I have tried to figure out some of it.  A few things I know to be true are that women want to feel beautiful and desirable.  Women want to feel their partner is a worthy choice.  Once a sub is no longer seen as worthy, it is an understandable process.  What I have never been able to understand is why the idea of a desirable bull falls into such a stereotype.  Basically, it's like the ideal bull should be able to double as a porn star.

I can understand that this stereotype gives the greatest contrast to the sub being cuckolded.  I originally thought that the desire for the woman was to seek another partner that would be closer to an equal.  The desire to be with a "real person," now that the sub is no longer one.   I believe now that this is something that extends beyond what I understand. 

That recent comment exchange brought up the idea that on a primal reproductive level, women will instinctively seek out a strong mate.  The alpha.  The strongest in the pack.  The one who will yield the strongest offspring and greatest chance of survival of the species. 

The modern era has yielded the idea of the sensitive male and the idea that emotional connection is as important as physical attraction.  How a man makes a woman feel is rooted on many different levels.  Why then do these ideas get turned on their head with cuckolding?  Are they tapping into their primal nature and following instinct?  Or is it mostly chasing an idea that is rooted in posturing? 

I don't know the answers to these questions but they definitely came to mind.  In any case, it definitely piqued my curiosity.

It also has me wondering if this is why the Lesbian cuckold idea rarely happens.  I know this is a common fantasy for men but I have only read of one case where this actually happened.  From a fantasy standpoint it seems like this would work just as well from a psychological standpoint, e.g. she would rather have sex with a woman than with the sub.  It just seems that this so rarely happens, even among Dommes that consider themselves to be bisexual.  It does support the idea of the primal urges.


  1. I agree with your analysis of the path toward cuckolding. And it also was always a hard limit for me.

    But over time, I gave up resisting; it was a combination of Her wishes and my sense of myself changing/diminishing as well as my need to please Her. It finally reached a point where it felt right, even as I still struggle with that fact; as difficult as that is to admit.

    I don’t have a good sense of how that dynamic works for the woman, but my intuition seems to match yours. I suspect there is a primal drive. We like to think our brains determine our destiny, though some cellular biologists rather convincingly argue that we are really just experiments driven by cell mutations, the cell combinations that reproduce the most win.

    I have heard women say that while they value and appreciate sensitive men that that sometimes they just need a good hard fuck. I have no idea if that is some general principle or just some women who were frustrated at various moments.

    My guess is some women do seek someone they can feel equal to as a partner but I also think at times they just want physicality with a bull. And neither of those is something the profoundly submissive male has to offer.

    1. Thank you, Watson.

      It is an interesting idea... but honestly I have no clue what exactly is going on.
      I have always been kept with "enough me" to where I could be a companion and I have pretty decent bedroom proficiency to never have that be a need either.

      I do not doubt that the right set of events could change me.

      Something else I found to be odd is that cucking seems to happen less when there is an enjoyment of "pure suffering." As agonizing as this might be for the sub, it rarely seems to happen with that reason as the driving force. I could be wrong here, but I just don't understand it well enough to know.