Well, I have to say that it was a pleasant surprise to have my last Sea of Thoughts post generate a lot of discussion. Whenever I write on a fairly extreme subject I generally later feel a bit of remorse for isolating something in a petri dish and completely out of a lifestyle context.
That being said, this is my time now to re-center myself about said topics and try to move them back to within a context that is more meaningful.
When I first started in the lifestyle, K was very clear that she wanted me to have a big list of limits in order to keep my imagination from running wild and putting myself into a position for potential harm. She was also fairly new to the dominant role and I think it also helped give her a framework to build upon.
The way she laid out the difference between hard and soft limits were:
-Hard limits should not be broken under any circumstance.
-Soft limits were things that provided significant mental/emotional resistance for the Domme to be aware of. She felt breaking a soft limit should have a "good reason" for doing so.
Originally I started off with roughly 10 hard limits and 12-15 soft limits. As time has passed, relationships have grown, and I have acclimated more in my submission. Soft limits are rare. Hard limits are few and far between, but represent things that are important to me.
Some of these hard limits are common sense:
-Nothing involving animals or children.
-Nothing "life ruining." Basically, nothing that would prevent being able to live a normal life if the relationship were to end.
One of these hard limits is for safety's sake:
-Nothing that would prevent exercising proper hygiene.
One of these is for my own mental/emotional well-being:
-No sexual contact with other men.
I will not partake in relationships where these limits will not be respected.
I have come to think upon soft limits as being conditional limits. My willingness to partake in these would be heavily dependent upon the relationship and situation. Without the security of marriage, some activities would be considered hard limits of mine, e.g. cuckolding. I still consider public humiliation to be a soft limit, but it is one that has been broken several times over.
Chastity and forced feminization started out as soft limits. Those limits have since been lifted for the most part and they both originated with behavioral correction/control in mind. The logical battle easily overpowered my mental resistance and I accepted them. Anal play was a hard limit of mine for 7 years. I relaxed it willingly, but it was my attempt to salvage a relationship that was drifting apart.
Another thing worthy of note is that I do not submit to just anyone. I do not submit to just any woman. For me to truly submit and be vulnerable, it requires love. I have to love. There must be a relationship that it is built around. It is not just sex or play. Submission isn't casual to me. It is a lifestyle. Without love and trust in place, it just doesn't happen for me.
To be with a woman and give her my all... that is what drives me. To cherish her, love her, and please her, those are my goals. I want to be worthy of her love even if that is never truly possible. I'm actually a pretty hopeless romantic.
I really do love watching a Domme grow over time. Watching her desires change, escalate, and intensify exhilarates me. As D/s increases, so does the intimacy and strength of our bond. The farther I am pushed, the closer I feel... the more special things feel... the more irreplaceable her love becomes.
I won't lie, submission intoxicates me. I love it. I need it. But I do stay grounded. I need love. I need trust. There are times where I need tenderness and closeness more than D/s dynamics. What really separates reality from fantasy for me is love.
I hope this makes some sense.