Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Revisiting the Lesbian Fantasy

Ms Marie's recent post Sapphic Tendencies got me thinking again about my post from July on the Lesbian Fantasy.  It's kind of eerie how some of the same details are in both of our posts.  I don't really know why but whenever this type of fantasy trickles its way into my brain I tend to feel a twinge of guilt, followed by a sigh and a mumble of "typical male fantasy."

After reading her post I did some thinking on it and tonight I re-read my post and found a few areas that I didn't cover during my exploration of it the last time around.  In my earlier post I focused mainly upon the role change and diminished personal relationship between the Domme and male sub.

Isolating the case of a FemDom, a Fem sub, and a male sub, where the Fem sub receives preference/status over the male, I noticed a few new areas to think about.  How does this differ from say, a FemDom and two male subs?  What does this say if a Fem sub was added to an existing FemDom/male sub relationship (or vice versa)?

A case with two male subs is a pretty easy read assuming that both subs probably have similar types of requirements and may possibly serve similar roles in the relationship.  One may receive preference (usually whichever one was there first), but both are male subs and they probably know what to expect from the relationship.

Adding a male sub to a Lesbian D/s couple is fairly straight forward.  The male would be brought in to do the grunt work and to be dumped on when it's convenient.  This makes sense.  So why is the reverse case so intriguing? 
This is where my typical male fantasy probably takes over.  I know there are Dommes out there that would probably treat a male sub and female sub equally, but in my own mind and as painted out by Ms. Marie, what about that scenario makes it so difficult to shake?

This time around I was able to see some new insights into this and the male ego crushing effects of it.

-The Fem sub is a sub that exists solely for pleasure.  The male sub never had that role.  Even when he was used for pleasure he was still there for pain.  He might wish that it was him in her role and there was someone else lower down to take the brute force and tedious duties.  The Fem sub gets to experience his fantasy and that's something he has never, nor will ever taste.  This can be easily rubbed in his face for shame/jealousy.

-She hops into her role but his role is changed.  It's sort of like taking a pay cut... it hurts because you once got more for the same thing.  Now that she's here he just lost his status, pleasure, and attention.  All of the grunt work with less (if any) reward.  Every time the Fem sub is called to bed and he must sleep elsewhere would have to sting.

-Since they are both women and both are given power over the male sub, it's almost like the Lesbian D/s dynamic is pretend or momentary... a means for mutual pleasure and enjoyment.  The Femdom D/s dynamic must feel like a harsh slap in the face in that light. 

-Forbidden fruit.  He now has another set of curves to fantasize over.  I don't see much in terms of sexual interaction between the two subs being permitted here except maybe some extreme teasing or assistance during play.

-Women are territorial.  I don't know a single Female sub or switch that placed in this situation, that wouldn't go out of their way to monopolize the Domme's attention.  I know there are Fem subs that exist that would not, but I don't personally know any of them as they often wish to be invisible around anyone other than their Dom.  With this in mind, the odds that the male sub would receive any positive attention is rather small.

This seems to clear some things up but geez... this still manages to turn me on something fierce every time I think about it.


  1. You're not alone, Fur. I've known of several Femdom/femsub/male sub relationships and every one is as you describe. The femsub is always above the male sub in the pecking order, and the male sub seems to like it that way. What's more, the femsub is usually at least as harsh, if not moreso, in her treatment of the male sub. There's no cameraderie between the two subs at all, and in every case I've seen, the ultimate result is a male sub with two Femdoms, despite the one Dom actually being a sub to the original Femdom.

    So what you really wind up with is a sub male having two Femdoms, and that is indeed a common fantasy turn-on that translates well in reality. It's no wonder you're turned on. A heterosexual male sub wants to be dominated by a Femdom, and two Femdoms is just a little more icing on the cake, even if one of them is a sub herself, on paper. The reality of having two Femdoms trumps the frustration of being bottom dog by enhancing the male sub's very sub-ness. Missing out on the things a femsub is allowed to do for a Femdom just makes the male sub's suffering that much sweeter. No?

  2. Thank you, Lady Grey.

    It seems those situations breed a vicious cycle. The sub male gets constant harsh treatment from the Femsub and so when he needs consoling he probably tries to kiss up and gain the Domme's attention. This in turn makes the Femsub try even harder to fuck with the male sub and keep him from gaining the Domme's attention.

    I do think you summed up why this gets me going quite well. It seems to ensure a constant state of anguish.

    It is also interesting to how much this contrasts between a Dom couple who take on a Femsub... these are often cases where the sub takes some rather harsh abuse.

  3. Great comments. And finally, I'm typical! :)

    I enjoyed both this post and the subsequent comments. When I was writing my post, I was imagining my new (fantasy-based for now) femsub's position as an admin. asst. and my male slave as the janitor - which seems to be the take you each have as well. Of course, I am the CEO of the whole coporation of my femdom arrangement! :)


  4. MsMarie,

    it's definitely atypical for a woman to have this typical male fantasy :)

    The typical Female response is to call the male a stupid typical male for having that fantasy, so I would definitely say you are on the special end of the spectrum.

  5. I've already been in the situation of having a male sub and a femme sub, and one of my closest friends is experiencing this constellation currently. Our situation is/was a bit different than what you and Lady Grey describe:

    In my own relationship both submissives were equal. No sub was above the other sub in our hierarchy; both were equally submissive to me. And there wasn't any rivalry between them. Fortunately. *g* I don't like the idea of two subs razzing and fighting for my attention, it sounds like too much stress. Well, perhaps it helped that I spend more or less an equal amount of time with both of them (sometimes dominating them together) and I was not in a loving relationship with neither of them... And noone of them had dominant desires; it wouldn't have made sense letting one sub dominate the other.

    My domme-friend is in a D/s relationship with her husband for 7 years. He also has dominant traits (a switch), but he is always submissive to her. And their 'new' femme sub (they met her at a play party 5 months ago) is submissive to both. I'm curious how this relationships will evolve... *g*

    I don't have any experiences with the situation in your entry, but it gives food for thoughts. Perhaps I should give it a try... :)

    ~ Deborah ~

  6. I have known both types of relationships. As intellectual as I can try to be sometimes, I have some baser desires I can't escape and it's the Fem sub superior to male sub situation that is the one that turns me on the most.

    Actually, I think about 25% of my posts are me trying to understand why something gives me a hard on :P :)