Thursday, January 13, 2011

subs: to congregate or segregate

Something that I've always noticed is the difference in how subs socialize in traditional BDSM communities vs. Femdom communities.  In the BDSM communities I have interacted in it was fairly common for subs to talk with each other at gatherings and they would often hang out together in their free time.

However, in Femdom communities it's usually quite the opposite.  In most cases there would never be subs from more than 1 or 2 of the Dommes present at any given time.  In the cases where there were subs from many women present, they might be permitted to talk about whatever their task at hand was but any communication about "what it is like to serve " was quickly squashed and usually punished pretty harshly.

I have read blogs from several Dommes that pretty much state that their subs aren't allowed any contact with other subs.  I understand why they would choose this and pretty much agree with the reasons behind it, both keeping subs from trying to exploit the situation, avoiding "but she lets him do " situations, and keeping him feeling a bit isolated so that his only BDSM-related communication must be with the Domme (although I'm sure there are even more reasons).  

I also understand scenes where subs are encouraged to communicate with each other, learn from each other, lean on each other, etc.

I'm curious if people had any views on this subject.

1 comment:

  1. I allow my subs contact with other submissives. I think it's important for a sub (or at least for most of them) to look beyond the nose of the own relationsip, to communicate with like-minded individuals, to have someone to talk to, someone who understands the joys and fears and hopes and difficulties of submission, because he (or she) experiences them as well. A domme can be a great discussion partner, too, but she does not FEEL submissive. She can only judge from her perspective and I think some subs sometimes need discussion partners who are wired as their are wired themselves.

    So yes, my men are allowed to communicate with other subs - within certain limits. There are a few rules that seem important to me. I appreciate some privacy, so I would not feel comfortable if one of my subs reveal all aspects of our relationship. But why not letting them discuss general topics? Or even not-BDSM-topics? My men know their limits (= my wishes *g*) and I do not see great benefits in isolating them as long as they are not violating my rules.

    IMO a domme should have a bit more trust in her submissives. And a bit more confidence in their own dominance: If she really has her sub under her control there is no need to isolate him totally. Communication will not infract her dominance, if this dominance is solid.

    ~ Deborah ~