I have made several posts regarding the idea of meta consent, a term that I will credit Giles English of Chastity Belt Erotica for coining in the comments of one of my earlier related posts.
We all know that the foundation of most BDSM-oriented relationships is consent. In its most basic form, a submissive consents to be involved in certain activities with a Domme and the Domme consents to being involved with certain activities with the sub. In the BDSM community it is considered poor etiquette to expect or perform activities that fall outside of negotiated limits. e.g. A Domme isn't supposed to force a sub to have sex with another man unless that was previously agreed upon. A sub isn't supposed to expect a Domme to shit on his chest unless that was previously agreed upon.
Meta consent is a state where a sub consents to submitting to a Domme and in doing so, agrees to bear whatever she may do to him. Meta consent is usually reserved for more intense lifestyle Femdom relationships and Mistress/slave relationships. This generally requires quite a bit of trust by the sub that she will exercise good judgement and not subject him to things that may cause significant physical or emotional harm.
Basically, meta-consent consents to remove the need for consent for specific actions/activities, which I believe is a bit different from being non-consensual. This can often be a significant hurdle for Dommes if the two get confused.
In many situations, meta consent can lead to deeper levels of subspace by instilling fear of the unexpected and awareness that limits are no longer in play. In actual execution, limits are usually pushed and stretched and gradually increased over time rather than being abruptly shattered as this is in accordance with sound judgement in order to avoid PTSD.
Fur sissy,
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the most interesting posts I've ever read. I hadn't heard of the term meta-consent, but as you describe it, it makes perfect sense. I can relate. I've been in a D/s relationship for many years and in its early years, I think we were successful because we communicated so many things beforehand. There was nothing done that hadn't been discussed ahead of time.
As our D/s activity and lifestyle matured, I wanted and needed to have my limits "tested." All of this happened while I continued to have the ultimate trust in my wife Debbie. I can see where over the years, our relationship has morphed into this meta-consent situation you described so well.
Thank you so much. It's almost been kind of an awakening to read this. I will share it with Debbie.
RW
Thank you, RW.
ReplyDeleteGiles is the one that should get credit for the term. I just know he used it in the comments on a few of my posts a while back.
I think your progression is the natural one. Baby steps and making sure both parties are comfortable as you test the waters. Years down the road when the sub has become more submissive and the Domme has become more dominant, it is also natural to want to push the envelope. In these cases there's often a ship from traditional consensual interaction to more of a meta-consent lifestyle.