I was really wanting to write tonight as it (usually) brings me joy and peace to find something interesting to write about and hopefully discuss with others. I was thinking about some topic ideas when I realized there was something that I think is very interesting staring me right in the face.
It is based upon a few different posts on other blogs. It is in regards to the situation of one of Lady Grey's friends, Vanessa, and her situation with her (soon to be ex) husband/sub and contrasted by a beautifully written post by Cleo on her and Marc's blog.
Here are links to the posts:
A few things really stand out to me about this, namely, what could make a sub so useless and why that is a despicable state to reach.
When I think about it, there's two primary reasons a sub could reach a state where they were unable to function without overt direction from their Domme.
The first is that the Domme is so strict that he is afraid to act independently.
The second is that the sub's weakness of mind caved in and reached a state of complete surrender, lacking any independent personality of his own.
Now the second may be a reaction to the first, but that definitely isn't the only possible reaction.
If you are a lifestyle submissive you have to be ready at any time to fulfill any one of a number of roles for varying aspects of your relationship.
-butler / maid / valet
-chef / waiter / bus boy / dishwasher
-landscaper / gardner
-chauffeur / errand boy
If you are capable of easily transitioning between roles as any situation calls for it, you should be able to make even the most demanding Domme's happy. So where did Vanessa's sub fail?
When the chips were down, his inner knight was nowhere to be found. As powerful as a Domme may be, a worthy lover is a mix of submissive qualities, personal qualities, and chivalry. She may force him to wear panties every day and put him over her knee and spank him until he cries, but when needed, he will be there for her, stand up for/with her, and be willing to throw or take a punch to defend her. He acts as her shield, not in a sense that she is defenseless, but more as a knight's shield that she has in hand and wields when necessary, always in her possession and under her control.
Is it too much to ask this of a man, to be everything submissive but also to protect? Hell no. The reason... is love.
Taking on this role requires a tremendous amount of love for and devotion to his Domme. I am proud to be this. I am proud to have been chosen for this role. As submissive as I may be, threaten the one that I love and serve and it will take a group of people to hold me back. Don't fuck with the one that I love or I will fucking end you. It's not eloquent, I'm not a violent brute, but don't fuck with her or you'll answer to me.
Illness took away the one that I love once before. If cancer was a person he'd currently be a dead, rotting, and bloody pulp taking a permanent dirt nap.
Vanessa's ex failed. Somewhere inside him he lost that will to act, to defend, and to love with his all. Somewhere inside him his own fears and insecurities took over his will to protect and care. I can see why this behavior and his inability to change would be deemed unforgivable. To not be there for her in her time of need is unforgivable.
The love of a D/s relationship goes both ways. Subs may be beaten, mind-fucked, denied sexually, humiliated, and controlled, but goddamn it we love the one that's doing it. Dommes may get a kick out of beating us, mind fucking us, denying us sexually, humiliating us, and controlling us, but what makes it special is that they love us too. If you ever doubt that, read Cleo's post and that should clear things up.
I hope that Vanessa is able to get things rolling again in a good way soon and that she's able to find someone that will make her happy and won't let her down if crisis makes another unexpected visit.
I really tried to stay as objective as possible while writing this... but I got a bit heated in the moment and I'm sure it shows. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but it probably gives a bigger glimpse into who I am than a purely impersonal and objective post.