I think...

I'm going to cut back on the personal posts for a bit.  I feel like some of my writing has been a bit desperate.  It's hard to describe.  Some of it has been cathartic but some of it feels a little unnatural... like I was writing just to write, hoping to feel connected to something, someone, some idea, or whatever. 

It feels like I am a bit worse off for it... and I'm probably making myself out to be a schmuck.  I'm not sure really, but if you think so, feel free to tell me that.

I don't really open up too much about myself beyond D/s on here (with the exceptions of when I'm fighting with Mistress) but I'm feeling a bit awkward and self-conscious right now... like letting certain parts of my life hang out in the open was a bad decision. I guess it's that I feel a little disappointed with myself as a person lately and I'm worried that the people that I connect with here will be disappointed in me if they see those parts of me. 

I think part of it is because blog-land has been rather quiet lately with people being busy for the holidays.  Usually I enjoy reading and trying to help and support others with feedback and comments.  I really enjoy helping others more than feeling like I need help.

This could just be me out of whack after crucifying myself on an earlier post tonight but this feeling is nagging at me.  Maybe I should just stick to BDSM theory and drawing.