Since I have been writing a lot about triggers and cognitive
dissonance lately, I thought it would be appropriate for me to share.
Chastity creates the largest type of internal conflict within me out of
probably anything within the lifestyle.
Since I know that I have a lot of female readers, it is difficult to
adequately describe in an empathetic way just how a chastity device
affects a male. A chastity device doesn’t prevent you from getting
horny, it prevents you from getting fully erect. The male body will
still TRY to get erect. Any “wiggle room” in the tube will be filled.
Any part of the blood vessels that cause the penis to go erect that are
impeded will become erect. E.g. if it is a trapped ball cage device,
the base of the penis that sits behind the ring will get fully erect,
but the pleasure zones within the cage will not. That being said, the
cage itself provides pressure on the “good spots,” and attempted
erections will cause the penis to produce pre-cum. This is the cause
for dribbling and drippage that is commonly referenced to in lifestyle
chastity.
What this does is actually make a male acutely aware of his erection
attempts. It builds sexual frustration exponentially because your body
WANTS it, but is denied. The erection attempt will often last for a
prolonged period of time, which still redirects blood flow from the
brain as it would during a normal erection. Basically, a chastity
device does not reduce sexual desire, if anything, it builds it.
Over time, this creates a progressive state of desperation and a
“five stages of grief” type of emotional scenario: denial, anger,
bargaining, depression, acceptance. Since it is healthy for the
prostate to be emptied regularly in order to avoid toxin buildup, there
exist milking techniques designed to relieve the male of retained semen
with or without a pleasurable orgasmic ejaculation. When performed
without pleasure, the prostate is drained but the sexual frustration is
not alleviated.
About the closest thing that I could ever envision for a parallel to a
woman is the idea of a device that blocks the clitoris from fully
expanding. When the clitoris attempts to expand it would press against a
firm surface, causing pressure and friction to keep it in a
semi-aroused state. This then would continue with an orgasm being
impossible without the device being removed. Such a device doesn’t
exist.
How is this attractive in the slightest? That depends heavily upon
if you are the one in the device or the one holding the key to the
device.
To answer any question about this outright, it is part of my belief
in D/s that when I submit, I trust her enough to give her control of my
sexual organ. It is hers to control and while I have my desires, I
trust that she will make decisions about my release and relief that are
for the good of the relationship.
Herein lies my terror. This is where my brain breaks down
completely. This is where my submissive self, my idealized submissive
self, and my rational self end up in a battle royale. No one wins, nor
does winning have any bearing on the outcome (which is hers).
If I truly believe that my purpose is to be absolutely pleasing to
her, it is easy to know what path is righteous. This is the goal of my
submissive heart. This is my idealized submissive self that I want to
actualize. To become this submissive, how often should I orgasm? The
answer is easy. Never.
When a male has an orgasm, two things happen: 1) there is a brief
period where his body acts on pure selfish instinct and 2) he falls out
of mental space. The reload time of achieving submissive mental space
varies greatly from person to person and there are means to set it back
in motion very quickly, but it doesn’t change the fact that it requires a
build up to reach the same attentiveness that it was at just minutes
before the orgasm. It also doesn’t change the fact that for a few brief
moments, I stopped thinking about her. I wanted it for me. It felt
good. It was all about me. I find this notion to be extremely
unromantic and I feel guilty in its presence. It means that I violated
my own principles.
Cue the struggles. Yes, I just said the best way to manage me as a
sub is to have me orgasm, NEVER. Deep breath. The fact that I know
this makes me feel like withholding this knowledge is the same as lying.
Some people use chastity release as a carrot: be well-behaved, be
obedient, and provide excellent service for a period of time and you
will earn release and an orgasm. This is a sound theory, but
unnecessary in my idealized form of submission. Why should I need any
type of external motivation to be well-behaved, obedient, or to serve
well? I should do those things on my own if I am to be worthy of her.
Why should there be a need for any type of reward for me to perform the
role I chose at the level that I promised I would?
This doesn’t mean that sex should be absent. There are women that
really enjoy PIV (penis in vagina) sex. If she enjoys PIV sex, I would
not wish to deny her that pleasure. We can have sex, I just shouldn’t
have an orgasm. I should build enough endurance to last until she is
totally satisfied and then we stop. My brain is screaming at me right
now. “No, no, no, what are you saying?! Don’t put this out there or it
might happen.”
Setting the tone from the start that I will never have an orgasm
reduces the need for complex rules and stipulations. It alleviates me
of unrealistic desires. It solidifies the concept that I should worry
only about her pleasure. It pounds the idea into my head that I should
never bother to hope or ask for an orgasm. This will cut down on me
being annoying and desperate. I will be desperate in silence.
I like orgasms. I love having erections. Giving her the power to
take them away terrifies me. I also know that it is the right thing to
do if I truly want to submit to her from the bottom of my heart.
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