Thursday, October 26, 2017

Temperament and Patience

I have been in contact with a lot of people who struggle with the pace of developing D/s.  These are just some thoughts that might help.

“I want more.  I want more, now.”

This feeling is very common.  Sometimes it comes from a taste.  Usually it comes from a taste and then jumping ahead in time and developing unreasonable (for now) fantasies that resemble couples that have been together for a decade.  For newer subs, your new sub is basically, a child.

While you were growing up, you probably were scolded countless times about what to do or not to do.  At the time, you didn’t want to listen.  Sit up straight.  Don’t sit so close to the TV.  Eat your vegetables.  Brush your teeth.  Go get some exercise.  Don’t read in the dark.  Don’t spoil your appetite with junk food.

As you get older, you build awareness and start seeing the importance of these mandates.  With bad posture you send out body language signals and eventually develop back problems.  Sitting too close to the TV strains your eyes.  Vegetables are important for managing your long-term health and well-being.  Teeth do in fact stain and rot.  Sedentary living hurts you in more ways than one.
As an adult you realize the wisdom in these words.  Kids don’t know any better.

Entering D/s it is important to acknowledge that you are a “child” version of a submissive.  There will be tons of mandates that will trigger a child-like response.  You don’t know the reason.  You can’t see why it is important.  Why should you have to listen to it?  “Yet.” Yet is the most important concept you can embrace.

Subs who have reached their “adult” version understand why.  They can explain it to the “younger” subs.  The “younger” subs frequently resist, not wanting to acknowledge the importance of these words.  The result is that each new generation tends to repeat the same mistakes before reaching their submissive “adulthood.”  Growth takes time.  It will not happen overnight.  Your sub doesn’t go from the virtual age of 6 to 40 in a day, a week, or a month.

Mistakes will be made.  Lessons will be learned.  Ideally, the truly destructive path will be avoided.  It is all part of the process.

A comparison I made that a friend of mine liked is candy.  I’m certain there are kids that would love to live on an all candy diet.  It tastes good.  The sugar rush is fun.  They don’t see the tooth decay, weak bones, stunted growth, and diabetes that would be the result of such a diet.  They want to live in the now.

Adults learn to appreciate candy.  They know they can’t eat it all the time, so they resist the basic urges and choose when to reward themselves.  They savor it and truly enjoy its flavor.  They begin to see the value of quality vs. quantity, etc.

So to the newer subs out there, just be careful with what you are diving into.  I know that resisting the urge is hard, but it will get easier the more that you grow to understand why.  Those of us who tell you to be patient are just looking out for what you do not yet see.

The longer you go, the more you will find ways to turn your submission outward.  You will yearn to be pleasing more than to have your inward desires fed.  You will grow to trust in your dominant that your needs will be met.  Nothing I can tell you now will “flip a switch” inside you and make you feel this.  It is a slow process of growth, but it is good to be aware of what lies ahead.

As a side note, I went through this process too.

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