Mistress has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which gives us a face to the enemy that has been at the root of our troubles over the past year or so. This is the kind of thing that makes the lifestyle very difficult and I hope that she (and we) are able to make some progress towards repairing our relationship.
It's good to finally know what we're really up against but this has been a very difficult process leading up to where we are now.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Hrm...
My experiences being humiliated in public by Mistresses has been varied but usually on the tame side of things compared to what is possible. What I've learned is that it really doesn't take much. A well-planned item can be enough to garner the desired effect and it doesn't have to be over-the-top to do so, both for an external reaction from onlookers and the internal reaction for the sissy.
I've seen items similar to these before but I guess you could call these "this year's model."
Even if mostly worn under a coat with the scarf ends running up the sleeves, the design leads to a constant state of self-awareness for the sub as every time they move their arms it will give a tug around the neck.
I guess you could think of them as a state of of mild bondage with a greater intent to humiliate than restrain.
I've seen items similar to these before but I guess you could call these "this year's model."
Even if mostly worn under a coat with the scarf ends running up the sleeves, the design leads to a constant state of self-awareness for the sub as every time they move their arms it will give a tug around the neck.
I guess you could think of them as a state of of mild bondage with a greater intent to humiliate than restrain.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Early exposure: The Ice Storm
I've written a few posts about how my early exposure to Femdom didn't happen through the "front door," which would be basically being turned on by BDSM, D/s, Femdom, etc. My route began with a fetish for women in fur, which led to a few fur fetish sites in the earlier days of the internet. For some reason a few of those same sites were heavily tied to Femdom and that made up much of my earliest exposure to the lifestyle. NTCWeb, Sardax, and to some extent, Melody O'Hair led me down this path to having a sexual tie between fur and Femdom.
I used to be a huge movie fanatic. I've since cut back significantly but I still have an enjoyment of good cinema and I have a dedicated following to a handful of writers/directors that I have grown to trust will consistently put out good movies. Ang Lee is one of those directors. In 1997 I rented the Ice Storm with a female friend of mine and we watched it together. If you aren't familiar with the movie, it takes place in the early 70's in white upper middle class suburbia and centers around a couple of dysfunctional families.
As she searches for something to distract him with she finds a whip out on the deck with them and you can see her response.
It can basically be summarized in:
SW picks up whip and gazes it up and down.
SW to son: Where did you get this?
son to SW: Uncle got it for me on his trip to .
SW starts to fiddle with the whip, tossing her hair and then playing with it in her hands. She seems to be getting ideas and possibly a bit aroused.
SW to son: Play with the whip.
SW hands the whip back to her son and as she tells him to play with it she's sort of pointing it at him like a command.
I returned the movie the next day and immediately went out and bought a copy of it. It's a very good movie in its own right but at that point I rarely if ever bought movies (I owned maybe 10 or so at that time). I pretty much kept it cued up to that scene so I could just pop it back into the player and go through that one when I wanted to masturbate.
In hindsight I can see how this affected me as it portrayed a situation mixing fur, sex, and power. I've always been attracted to women that were self-assured and went out and took what they wanted and this pretty much captured all of it. I give this scene about 20% of the credit towards my developing into a submissive.
I sort of wish I knew what Ang Lee told Sigourney Weaver about acting in that scene. I may have to buy the Criterion Collection release and listen to the commentary to see if it can shed any insight. I can picture it as being something like "Okay, you find the whip, you're intrigued, ask him, now imagine yourself with your lover and you want to whip him with it and this gets you off." The other interpretation I've had of it is like "Oh shit, is this my whip from my closet? I better ask him. Ok good... mmm... I love whips..."
I can only imagine how different my life would have been if I didn't have a fetish for women in fur. I kind of have a feeling I wouldn't have turned out as a submissive and even if I did turn out as a submissive I probably wouldn't have turned out as a sissy.
I used to be a huge movie fanatic. I've since cut back significantly but I still have an enjoyment of good cinema and I have a dedicated following to a handful of writers/directors that I have grown to trust will consistently put out good movies. Ang Lee is one of those directors. In 1997 I rented the Ice Storm with a female friend of mine and we watched it together. If you aren't familiar with the movie, it takes place in the early 70's in white upper middle class suburbia and centers around a couple of dysfunctional families.
In the movie, Sigourney Weaver plays the wife in one family that is having an affair with the husband of the other family (although you get the impression that this isn't her first affair and she "upgrades" to a more exciting guy as soon as her current one bores her). During one of the scenes she returns home to find her ~12 year old son blowing up his toys with M-80 firecrackers. After sort of chewing him out she looks for something else to hold his attention. What first drew my attention to this scene is her coat. I absolutely love its style (although I'm a bit iffy on the print). The cut/shape and the fur, mixed with the fact that her character is pretty much the most sexual character in the story really got my blood pumping.
After my friend left I rewound the tape to this scene and played through it over and over again... full speed, slow motion, frame by frame, etc. I know I jerked off several times to it.
It can basically be summarized in:
SW picks up whip and gazes it up and down.
SW to son: Where did you get this?
son to SW: Uncle
SW starts to fiddle with the whip, tossing her hair and then playing with it in her hands. She seems to be getting ideas and possibly a bit aroused.
SW to son: Play with the whip.
SW hands the whip back to her son and as she tells him to play with it she's sort of pointing it at him like a command.
I returned the movie the next day and immediately went out and bought a copy of it. It's a very good movie in its own right but at that point I rarely if ever bought movies (I owned maybe 10 or so at that time). I pretty much kept it cued up to that scene so I could just pop it back into the player and go through that one when I wanted to masturbate.
In hindsight I can see how this affected me as it portrayed a situation mixing fur, sex, and power. I've always been attracted to women that were self-assured and went out and took what they wanted and this pretty much captured all of it. I give this scene about 20% of the credit towards my developing into a submissive.
I sort of wish I knew what Ang Lee told Sigourney Weaver about acting in that scene. I may have to buy the Criterion Collection release and listen to the commentary to see if it can shed any insight. I can picture it as being something like "Okay, you find the whip, you're intrigued, ask him, now imagine yourself with your lover and you want to whip him with it and this gets you off." The other interpretation I've had of it is like "Oh shit, is this my whip from my closet? I better ask him. Ok good... mmm... I love whips..."
I can only imagine how different my life would have been if I didn't have a fetish for women in fur. I kind of have a feeling I wouldn't have turned out as a submissive and even if I did turn out as a submissive I probably wouldn't have turned out as a sissy.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Fantasy...
Something I've noticed is that my fantasies tend to gravitate between two primarily different scenarios or something that starts as one and oscillates between the two.
The two primary scenarios being:
A) a situation where the Domme is controlling and strict but at the same time very loving and cherishes her sub.
B) a situation where the Domme is overtly cruel to the sub and treats him with disdain but keeps him around because she knows that he would be difficult to replace with another sub and still receive the same level of service.
I've never quite understood why my mind tends to swing to both. It seems like when I am feeling down, situation A gives the warm and fuzzy feelings while still meeting the criteria that cater to my submission. I think situation B is more a response because my deepest submission and cravings generally occur in situations that are better described in that way.
I think my ideal fantasy seems to happen when both sides of the coin face up at the same time. That is, the Domme knows deep down that she cherishes the sub and will do whatever is necessary to keep him and keep him well-behaved but the sub is kept in an off-balance state of mixed signals and emotional confusion. He has equal fear of being cast out and her wrath, yet carries tremendous love for her at all times. The end result is one of desperation to please her while suffering at her mercy as he gives her a piece of his soul.
The details surrounding each fantasy have changed for me over the years but it seems like the basic themes have stayed the same. When I first entered the lifestyle forced fem was the last thing I would ever think would turn me on. My earliest visions were of being kept in a collar and cuffs while serving a woman dressed in leather and fur. It's strange how much my experiences and conditioning have changed the details of those fantasies.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post revisiting the lesbian fantasy that has followed me over the years. http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/revisiting-lesbian-fantasy.html
My sexual responses to this idea haven't changed over the years and it's this fantasy that often serves as the gateway in my current fantasies to shift between situations A and B. e.g. man serves woman, they fall in love, woman adds another female lover into the mix, female lover displaces man and makes his life a living hell, woman's romantic love for man fades and cruelty increases.
I can feel things changing again lately. Ever since I dropped my hard limit and let Mistress violate me anally that seems to be creeping into my fantasies with increasing frequency...
I guess these are just some random thoughts.
The two primary scenarios being:
A) a situation where the Domme is controlling and strict but at the same time very loving and cherishes her sub.
B) a situation where the Domme is overtly cruel to the sub and treats him with disdain but keeps him around because she knows that he would be difficult to replace with another sub and still receive the same level of service.
I've never quite understood why my mind tends to swing to both. It seems like when I am feeling down, situation A gives the warm and fuzzy feelings while still meeting the criteria that cater to my submission. I think situation B is more a response because my deepest submission and cravings generally occur in situations that are better described in that way.
I think my ideal fantasy seems to happen when both sides of the coin face up at the same time. That is, the Domme knows deep down that she cherishes the sub and will do whatever is necessary to keep him and keep him well-behaved but the sub is kept in an off-balance state of mixed signals and emotional confusion. He has equal fear of being cast out and her wrath, yet carries tremendous love for her at all times. The end result is one of desperation to please her while suffering at her mercy as he gives her a piece of his soul.
The details surrounding each fantasy have changed for me over the years but it seems like the basic themes have stayed the same. When I first entered the lifestyle forced fem was the last thing I would ever think would turn me on. My earliest visions were of being kept in a collar and cuffs while serving a woman dressed in leather and fur. It's strange how much my experiences and conditioning have changed the details of those fantasies.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post revisiting the lesbian fantasy that has followed me over the years. http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/revisiting-lesbian-fantasy.html
My sexual responses to this idea haven't changed over the years and it's this fantasy that often serves as the gateway in my current fantasies to shift between situations A and B. e.g. man serves woman, they fall in love, woman adds another female lover into the mix, female lover displaces man and makes his life a living hell, woman's romantic love for man fades and cruelty increases.
I can feel things changing again lately. Ever since I dropped my hard limit and let Mistress violate me anally that seems to be creeping into my fantasies with increasing frequency...
I guess these are just some random thoughts.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Newest drawing... finally some progress
I'm actually a bit proud of this one. Not really that I'm getting that much better at drawing, but more so that I'm finally showing some progress with shading and drawing eyes and lips. I still have a ways to go on all of them but it's definitely happening more easily and with better results than I was having a few weeks ago.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
How women can humiliate men
Being humiliated by a woman or in front of several women is a big fetish for many subs and is especially common amongst sissies. However, there's so many types of humiliation, many of which hit different parts of the male psyche.
If you are a single male and you:
-Aren't extremely handsome/attractive
-Don't have a "good" physical build.
-Don't have a "good" head of hair.
-Don't have a "large" penis.
-Are short or tall (e.g. you aren't between 5'10" and 6'5")
-Lack confidence when talking to particularly attractive women.
-Lack an interesting personality and/or good sense of humor.
If any of the above describe you, chances are good that at some point in time you were humiliated by a woman or faced the fear of potential humiliation when dealing with a woman. This is especially likely if you went after women that were "out of your league," but it's probably even more harsh if it happened by a woman that was "in your league."
There's a lot of emphasis placed on society's standards held towards women and how they are judged based upon how attractive they are. Now this is a bit wrong in many cases but when it comes to dating and relationships, I feel men are often ill-prepared to face these situations without inevitably feeling humiliated at some point in time. At the very least, women being expected to be pretty make them accustomed to knowing how to make themselves as attractive as possible in terms of clothing, physical appearance, makeup, hair, etc. I think this is a big load in BS in things like the business world but it definitely gives them a leg up when it comes to dating.
Now men shouldn't let themselves go or walk around looking like crap, un-bathed, unshaven, and with a bad haircut, but when you go beyond what you can control, you hit the factors that you can't control. Your natural body shape, height, water retention (puffy vs wiry), facial features, hair or lack of, penis size, etc. were pretty much determined through your genes. Since much of dating is superficial at the start (aka if she gives you a chance or not) there's a good chance you may have insecurities about one or more of these things, especially if you have ever been shot down or broken up with because of them. Sexual endurance is another ball game to contend with. In most cases if someone doesn't cum (not including orgasm denial) it's usually the woman. Fetishes are yet another factor to contend with.
Together these things lead to the different ways men can be humiliated, some of which may be of a humiliation fetish while others might not.
General inadequacy
Being shot down before given a chance. This is the "nice try" or "not a chance" type response when approaching a woman. Now it may be because she has a lover but in many cases it's simply because she doesn't like what she sees and knows she can do better. You don't do it for her and never will. You're too short/tall, too skinny/fat, too ugly, etc. If this happens enough you start to feel those things about you must be true.
This can also apply to situations (usually fairly early in a relationship) where you get dumped for no apparent reason. Basically, she thinks she can do better than you. File under: it's not you, it's me.
Sexual inadequacy
This can fall under three primary categories: lack of ability, lack of endurance, or lack of size.
This can be a particularly strong fear for men, especially for ones that remain a virgin long after "most " of their peers. In all honesty, most women won't break up with a man she is emotionally compatible with and in love with for any of the reasons above, but that fear and his male ego usually remain. While this might remain a small insecurity, the real insecurity happens BEFORE you know if you are emotionally compatible or in love.
Does every man suffer from this? No. Do many? Probably. The less sexual experience you have, the smaller the penis you have, the shorter sexual endurance you have, the more likely you are to have a fear of this.
Even if you rank poorly sexually you can still improve and be able to easily please your lover by mastering the art of cunnilingus, but she will still be able to hold that over you. Even if you are able to please her in bed regularly, she can probably still find some way of bringing your insecurities to the surface if she wanted to. Being with a woman who's ex had an 11" dick is sort of like having your band being blown off the stage by the opening act. You still might rock but it will continue to nag at you no matter what anyone says.
Fetish humiliation
I think every guy with a fetish out there has probably been faced with this fear. You have a particular fetish but are terrified to share it for fear that she will be disgusted or repulsed by it and she might break up with you, tell everyone she knows, etc.
The scale of this one varies based upon the fetish, how strong it is, how common it is, etc. If you like being tied up this probably bugs you less than if you want to be shit on... unless you can only get hard if you are tied up. Being afraid of being humiliated by sharing your humiliation fetish is definitely ironic.
So these are the fears... but what about the people with a fetish for humiliation? This gets rather complicated if it's something you've never thought about before.
Men will either have a fetish for being humiliated on a micro or macro level. In the micro level, men will prefer to be humiliated by or in front of:
One woman that they know (usually their lover or a woman that they desire).
One man that they know.
Several women that they know.
Several men that they know.
A group of women and men that they know.
On the macro level we have being humiliated by or in front of:
Several women that are strangers.
Several men that are strangers.
A group of men and women that are strangers.
The micro level carries a lot greater weight than the macro level. When humiliated in your microcosm, you must live within that microcosm post-humiliation. On the macro level, these are people you will probably never see, nor have to deal with ever again.
Going even further there's many types of humiliating reactions men may get turned on by.
-Laughter in a cruel insulting way.
-Laughter in an amused way.
-Shocked in a disgusted way.
-Shocked in a surprised way.
-Plain disgust.
-A smirk in a "knowing" or insulting way.
-A smirk in an amused way.
There are also great differences in how any of these reactions will be delivered to the man.
-In your face. She gets close and directs the reaction to him, wanting to see his reaction.
-From a distance. Think of the "whisper, point, giggle" fantasy here.
-In between. She reacts to him but stays far enough away where she doesn't want to actually interact with him. IMO, in between is probably the harshest of the three.
As you can probably tell, I sort of ran out of gas for this post about halfway through heh. I may try to elaborate on some of this if people have any questions/comments on particular subjects.
If you are a single male and you:
-Aren't extremely handsome/attractive
-Don't have a "good" physical build.
-Don't have a "good" head of hair.
-Don't have a "large" penis.
-Are short or tall (e.g. you aren't between 5'10" and 6'5")
-Lack confidence when talking to particularly attractive women.
-Lack an interesting personality and/or good sense of humor.
If any of the above describe you, chances are good that at some point in time you were humiliated by a woman or faced the fear of potential humiliation when dealing with a woman. This is especially likely if you went after women that were "out of your league," but it's probably even more harsh if it happened by a woman that was "in your league."
There's a lot of emphasis placed on society's standards held towards women and how they are judged based upon how attractive they are. Now this is a bit wrong in many cases but when it comes to dating and relationships, I feel men are often ill-prepared to face these situations without inevitably feeling humiliated at some point in time. At the very least, women being expected to be pretty make them accustomed to knowing how to make themselves as attractive as possible in terms of clothing, physical appearance, makeup, hair, etc. I think this is a big load in BS in things like the business world but it definitely gives them a leg up when it comes to dating.
Now men shouldn't let themselves go or walk around looking like crap, un-bathed, unshaven, and with a bad haircut, but when you go beyond what you can control, you hit the factors that you can't control. Your natural body shape, height, water retention (puffy vs wiry), facial features, hair or lack of, penis size, etc. were pretty much determined through your genes. Since much of dating is superficial at the start (aka if she gives you a chance or not) there's a good chance you may have insecurities about one or more of these things, especially if you have ever been shot down or broken up with because of them. Sexual endurance is another ball game to contend with. In most cases if someone doesn't cum (not including orgasm denial) it's usually the woman. Fetishes are yet another factor to contend with.
Together these things lead to the different ways men can be humiliated, some of which may be of a humiliation fetish while others might not.
General inadequacy
Being shot down before given a chance. This is the "nice try" or "not a chance" type response when approaching a woman. Now it may be because she has a lover but in many cases it's simply because she doesn't like what she sees and knows she can do better. You don't do it for her and never will. You're too short/tall, too skinny/fat, too ugly, etc. If this happens enough you start to feel those things about you must be true.
This can also apply to situations (usually fairly early in a relationship) where you get dumped for no apparent reason. Basically, she thinks she can do better than you. File under: it's not you, it's me.
Sexual inadequacy
This can fall under three primary categories: lack of ability, lack of endurance, or lack of size.
This can be a particularly strong fear for men, especially for ones that remain a virgin long after "most " of their peers. In all honesty, most women won't break up with a man she is emotionally compatible with and in love with for any of the reasons above, but that fear and his male ego usually remain. While this might remain a small insecurity, the real insecurity happens BEFORE you know if you are emotionally compatible or in love.
Does every man suffer from this? No. Do many? Probably. The less sexual experience you have, the smaller the penis you have, the shorter sexual endurance you have, the more likely you are to have a fear of this.
Even if you rank poorly sexually you can still improve and be able to easily please your lover by mastering the art of cunnilingus, but she will still be able to hold that over you. Even if you are able to please her in bed regularly, she can probably still find some way of bringing your insecurities to the surface if she wanted to. Being with a woman who's ex had an 11" dick is sort of like having your band being blown off the stage by the opening act. You still might rock but it will continue to nag at you no matter what anyone says.
Fetish humiliation
I think every guy with a fetish out there has probably been faced with this fear. You have a particular fetish but are terrified to share it for fear that she will be disgusted or repulsed by it and she might break up with you, tell everyone she knows, etc.
The scale of this one varies based upon the fetish, how strong it is, how common it is, etc. If you like being tied up this probably bugs you less than if you want to be shit on... unless you can only get hard if you are tied up. Being afraid of being humiliated by sharing your humiliation fetish is definitely ironic.
So these are the fears... but what about the people with a fetish for humiliation? This gets rather complicated if it's something you've never thought about before.
Men will either have a fetish for being humiliated on a micro or macro level. In the micro level, men will prefer to be humiliated by or in front of:
One woman that they know (usually their lover or a woman that they desire).
One man that they know.
Several women that they know.
Several men that they know.
A group of women and men that they know.
On the macro level we have being humiliated by or in front of:
Several women that are strangers.
Several men that are strangers.
A group of men and women that are strangers.
The micro level carries a lot greater weight than the macro level. When humiliated in your microcosm, you must live within that microcosm post-humiliation. On the macro level, these are people you will probably never see, nor have to deal with ever again.
Going even further there's many types of humiliating reactions men may get turned on by.
-Laughter in a cruel insulting way.
-Laughter in an amused way.
-Shocked in a disgusted way.
-Shocked in a surprised way.
-Plain disgust.
-A smirk in a "knowing" or insulting way.
-A smirk in an amused way.
There are also great differences in how any of these reactions will be delivered to the man.
-In your face. She gets close and directs the reaction to him, wanting to see his reaction.
-From a distance. Think of the "whisper, point, giggle" fantasy here.
-In between. She reacts to him but stays far enough away where she doesn't want to actually interact with him. IMO, in between is probably the harshest of the three.
As you can probably tell, I sort of ran out of gas for this post about halfway through heh. I may try to elaborate on some of this if people have any questions/comments on particular subjects.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
his/Hers
Well, this drawing sort of turned out like shit but I figured I'd post it anyways. The drawing felt uninspired but the idea behind the drawing is something I had a dream about a long time ago.
I'm not sure your feelings on the idea of the his/Hers types of matching stuff. Sometimes you'll see towels/robes set up in that way, other times you'll find some outfits designed to match except be tailored to each gender. In other cases you'll find the mother/daughter "mini-me" type matching outfits as well.
Why not a his/Hers sissy/Mistress outfits?
I'm not sure your feelings on the idea of the his/Hers types of matching stuff. Sometimes you'll see towels/robes set up in that way, other times you'll find some outfits designed to match except be tailored to each gender. In other cases you'll find the mother/daughter "mini-me" type matching outfits as well.
Why not a his/Hers sissy/Mistress outfits?
I've always wondered...
If people wanted to me to share more about myself on a personal level. I'm fairly certain there are those who would prefer if I graphically recounted play experiences, and I'm guessing there are others that would prefer me writing and exploring different topics on an analytical level.
I get a handful of comments and feedback (all of which I am grateful for) but not enough to really know what to write sometimes. Maybe it's best during those times that I just draw hehe.
I get a handful of comments and feedback (all of which I am grateful for) but not enough to really know what to write sometimes. Maybe it's best during those times that I just draw hehe.
Quite a change...
since yesterday as the weather dipped to 5-10 degrees today with overnight lows approaching -20 and a high of tomorrow estimated to be between 0 and 5. Kind of a letdown after Wednesday.
At least when it gets this cold every place you might go is less busy...
At least when it gets this cold every place you might go is less busy...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Today
Tonight I'm feeling a bit lonely. I had a really long day and almost got into several car accidents when people changed lanes without looking and nearly side-swiped me. I'm not really sure but there were a lot of up and down adrenaline rushes/crashes following a night where I didn't sleep very well.
I stopped by a lot of stores today and while it was "warm" by our standards reaching the mid-20's, when following days of snow and temperatures in the teens or below something strange always happens on these days (and I don't just mean extra long lines at the car wash). Women that are out and about tend to dress particularly well during these times. It's like, when it's super cold they bundle up to the gills and don't worry about fashion and when it's "super warm" (e.g. 30's) they tend to wear laundry day clothes since it's sloppy as hell outside. It's these days where it's warmer than it has been but still decently cold that things tend to spice up a bit.
The shapeless nylon parkas go away and the stylish yet practical ensembles make their way out of the closet once again. Huge over-sized ski gloves and mittens are replaced with leather, wool, and cashmere gloves, and everything gets a little stream-lined, although prime for my strongest fetish, that being women in fur and leather apparel, boots, gloves, and certain styles of hats (these pre-date all of my submissive tendencies).
I wrote about this in some of my earliest posts (in the first 10 or 20 entries or so) on my blog. My sissy fetish is all about the forced part of forced fem and humiliation. I don't wish to ever pass for feminine, nor could I with my muscular build. I am jealous at how women's clothing differs from men's clothing.
To put it bluntly, I'm attracted to nearly every part of a woman. While eyes and mouth tend to be what makes me truly drawn in (in a superficial sense), I love breasts and curves. I love hair that accents the overall shape of the figure. I love some more interesting facial characteristics like a slightly turned up nose or some imperfect teeth and small moles. I can't help but (peripherally) stare at shapely hips, thighs, and ass. I love the proportional differences between men and women, shortened torso, longer legs, shorter arms, and (proportionately) longer necks.
How does this apply to being jealous of how clothing differs? Well, women's clothing does two things that men's clothing doesn't do. First, women's clothing is meant to tease the eyes. It lures you. A low cut blouse and you can't help but peak at the breasts. Leggings and tights (or any tight fitting pants) have your eyes tracing upwards. Tunic length tops (with leggings) keep you wanting to see more. Skirts are so inviting. Stretch tops show off the curves of the breast and back. Even though I was really busy with errands today I noticed at least six women wearing stretch pants, knee high boots, and belted hip length coats. They would walk in with a pair of leather gloves in hand and sunglasses on. On days like these they know they look good and they know people notice it.
The second part is comfort. Form and function become one in women's clothing designed for winter. Men have a cotton shirt with a semi-rigid collar. Women have a form fitting cashmere sweater that caresses the body with every movement, retains warmth without over-heating, and makes the breasts "pop." Assuming you shop stores that are a cut above what you would find at an average mall (or utilize discount retailers like TJ Maxx), women's outerwear is almost always geared towards style, comfort, and warmth. With men's clothing it's notable for its lack of style, lack of comfort, and just the warmth. The luxury fabrics turn up more commonly for women and usually at a better price than similar items for men (if they are even available) and in a manner that is meant to compliment various outfits via different colors. What's key here is this: men aren't supposed to enjoy wearing it, they're just supposed to wear it and look either practical or established/sophisticated or scenester/hipster, or whatever.
My love of the touch of fur (with a lot of outside help) pretty much made me the sissy I am today. Aside from trapper hats (which have become trendy with women in the past two years) and hood trim, fur has pretty much vanished from men's apparel. Match that with the political climate towards fur coming up through the late 80's and the 90's and a material that had been used for warmth for thousands of years pretty much vanished for men.
Even with the invention of synthetic fibers, fur (including sheepskin/shearling/etc.) is still as warm if not warmer (with less perspiration). Even if a synthetic could be as warm, there's something missing... and that is the touch. Natural fur just feels really good on the skin. So in our post-thinsulate and abundant faux era, there's still a reason that earmuffs are made out of fur, sheepskin, etc. and that's because it feels good and it's incredibly warm. With that in mind, while earmuffs were invented by a man with the intention of them being unisex, the only male earmuffs (that aren't feminine and passed off as unisex) are those fleece behind the head style, which are neither as warm nor pleasing to the touch.
Now I am of the type that really doesn't bundle up much in winter. I rarely zip up my coat. I wear thin leather gloves. I never wear hats, scarves, or boots. I don't layer at all, nor wear any flannel or fleece. I find many of those materials, especially acrylic, to be more irritating than anything else. I over-heat and then sweat and then get colder and the material tends to rub in a bad way, making my head and neck itch. Now if I wanted to dress for warmth and comfort, my options are extremely limited without going en femme.
This is kind of how things got started. I got my first Mistress a merino wool cloche hat with a fur cuff trim that went over the ears, some merino wool gloves with fur cuffs at the wrist, and a fur scarf as a gift. She absolutely loved them. While modern fashion has dictated that fur trims are meant for style, they were in fact invented to help retain body heat at the points where the warm clothes end. It was during a discussion similar to what I am writing now that she originally wanted me to be comfortable with wearing fur and she wanted me to enjoy it as she had learned to on that fateful day when she made me wear the things I got her. I resisted but she "insisted" (giving me a couple of checks in the punishment log) and soon I was wearing them and she teased my face and chest with the ends of the scarf. After several minutes she realized I wasn't saying anything. My face was red, my eyes were pointed at the floor, my lip was twitching and I had a huge erection. I couldn't speak, I could only nod or shake my head. Fur became part of her power and she soon abandoned the idea of making me comfortable with it and began to exploit my discomfort.
It was later that week when the conversation from my May 4th post took place and she ended up buying it even after that conversation.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, nor did I know when I started. I just feel pretty lonely tonight (Mistress is working an overnight) and I don't have anyone to talk to or be affectionate with.
All I know is that I am grateful for today's weather since there were many women about in sexy boots, fur-trimmed coats and hats, and an abundance of nice sweaters and shapely form-fitting pants while indoors.
I stopped by a lot of stores today and while it was "warm" by our standards reaching the mid-20's, when following days of snow and temperatures in the teens or below something strange always happens on these days (and I don't just mean extra long lines at the car wash). Women that are out and about tend to dress particularly well during these times. It's like, when it's super cold they bundle up to the gills and don't worry about fashion and when it's "super warm" (e.g. 30's) they tend to wear laundry day clothes since it's sloppy as hell outside. It's these days where it's warmer than it has been but still decently cold that things tend to spice up a bit.
The shapeless nylon parkas go away and the stylish yet practical ensembles make their way out of the closet once again. Huge over-sized ski gloves and mittens are replaced with leather, wool, and cashmere gloves, and everything gets a little stream-lined, although prime for my strongest fetish, that being women in fur and leather apparel, boots, gloves, and certain styles of hats (these pre-date all of my submissive tendencies).
I wrote about this in some of my earliest posts (in the first 10 or 20 entries or so) on my blog. My sissy fetish is all about the forced part of forced fem and humiliation. I don't wish to ever pass for feminine, nor could I with my muscular build. I am jealous at how women's clothing differs from men's clothing.
To put it bluntly, I'm attracted to nearly every part of a woman. While eyes and mouth tend to be what makes me truly drawn in (in a superficial sense), I love breasts and curves. I love hair that accents the overall shape of the figure. I love some more interesting facial characteristics like a slightly turned up nose or some imperfect teeth and small moles. I can't help but (peripherally) stare at shapely hips, thighs, and ass. I love the proportional differences between men and women, shortened torso, longer legs, shorter arms, and (proportionately) longer necks.
How does this apply to being jealous of how clothing differs? Well, women's clothing does two things that men's clothing doesn't do. First, women's clothing is meant to tease the eyes. It lures you. A low cut blouse and you can't help but peak at the breasts. Leggings and tights (or any tight fitting pants) have your eyes tracing upwards. Tunic length tops (with leggings) keep you wanting to see more. Skirts are so inviting. Stretch tops show off the curves of the breast and back. Even though I was really busy with errands today I noticed at least six women wearing stretch pants, knee high boots, and belted hip length coats. They would walk in with a pair of leather gloves in hand and sunglasses on. On days like these they know they look good and they know people notice it.
The second part is comfort. Form and function become one in women's clothing designed for winter. Men have a cotton shirt with a semi-rigid collar. Women have a form fitting cashmere sweater that caresses the body with every movement, retains warmth without over-heating, and makes the breasts "pop." Assuming you shop stores that are a cut above what you would find at an average mall (or utilize discount retailers like TJ Maxx), women's outerwear is almost always geared towards style, comfort, and warmth. With men's clothing it's notable for its lack of style, lack of comfort, and just the warmth. The luxury fabrics turn up more commonly for women and usually at a better price than similar items for men (if they are even available) and in a manner that is meant to compliment various outfits via different colors. What's key here is this: men aren't supposed to enjoy wearing it, they're just supposed to wear it and look either practical or established/sophisticated or scenester/hipster, or whatever.
My love of the touch of fur (with a lot of outside help) pretty much made me the sissy I am today. Aside from trapper hats (which have become trendy with women in the past two years) and hood trim, fur has pretty much vanished from men's apparel. Match that with the political climate towards fur coming up through the late 80's and the 90's and a material that had been used for warmth for thousands of years pretty much vanished for men.
Even with the invention of synthetic fibers, fur (including sheepskin/shearling/etc.) is still as warm if not warmer (with less perspiration). Even if a synthetic could be as warm, there's something missing... and that is the touch. Natural fur just feels really good on the skin. So in our post-thinsulate and abundant faux era, there's still a reason that earmuffs are made out of fur, sheepskin, etc. and that's because it feels good and it's incredibly warm. With that in mind, while earmuffs were invented by a man with the intention of them being unisex, the only male earmuffs (that aren't feminine and passed off as unisex) are those fleece behind the head style, which are neither as warm nor pleasing to the touch.
Now I am of the type that really doesn't bundle up much in winter. I rarely zip up my coat. I wear thin leather gloves. I never wear hats, scarves, or boots. I don't layer at all, nor wear any flannel or fleece. I find many of those materials, especially acrylic, to be more irritating than anything else. I over-heat and then sweat and then get colder and the material tends to rub in a bad way, making my head and neck itch. Now if I wanted to dress for warmth and comfort, my options are extremely limited without going en femme.
This is kind of how things got started. I got my first Mistress a merino wool cloche hat with a fur cuff trim that went over the ears, some merino wool gloves with fur cuffs at the wrist, and a fur scarf as a gift. She absolutely loved them. While modern fashion has dictated that fur trims are meant for style, they were in fact invented to help retain body heat at the points where the warm clothes end. It was during a discussion similar to what I am writing now that she originally wanted me to be comfortable with wearing fur and she wanted me to enjoy it as she had learned to on that fateful day when she made me wear the things I got her. I resisted but she "insisted" (giving me a couple of checks in the punishment log) and soon I was wearing them and she teased my face and chest with the ends of the scarf. After several minutes she realized I wasn't saying anything. My face was red, my eyes were pointed at the floor, my lip was twitching and I had a huge erection. I couldn't speak, I could only nod or shake my head. Fur became part of her power and she soon abandoned the idea of making me comfortable with it and began to exploit my discomfort.
It was later that week when the conversation from my May 4th post took place and she ended up buying it even after that conversation.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, nor did I know when I started. I just feel pretty lonely tonight (Mistress is working an overnight) and I don't have anyone to talk to or be affectionate with.
All I know is that I am grateful for today's weather since there were many women about in sexy boots, fur-trimmed coats and hats, and an abundance of nice sweaters and shapely form-fitting pants while indoors.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I finally got my first message
on the chatbox that I added to my blog but unfortunately I was away helping to make dinner and by the time I got back the person wasn't there any longer.
I regret closing the window before starting this reply because I remember the basics from the question but not all of the details. If you were the one to leave the message, please leave a comment here and I can try to address the specifics more directly.
Basically, if memory serves me, the writer was a sub in a long-standing marriage with some Femdom tones that was wanting his wife to have him wear a bra and panties and his request was denied and he was looking for advice on how to convince her of the idea. (also I think there was a mention of chastity but I don't remember the specifics.)
I have written about this topic several times in the past but I will try to reiterate some of the more important points. What you need to "sell" her on is how will it benefit her. Basically, by forcing you to dress in a bra and panties, what does that add to her life, your relationship, and so on? Will her life be better because of it or is it just something you want to do? Will it justify its cost?
You need to be able to answer these questions and be willing to make extra sacrifices to make it happen (assuming it is truly important to you). You can try tackling them one by one.
Some examples:
"When you have me wear a bra and panties, it makes me feel more submissive and more loving. I also feel more obedient and would be willing to do to prove that to you."
"I would be willing to give up in order to justify its costs and more than make up for it by ."
"It is something that touches my submissive soul deeply and I think I would be able to make you happier because."
If you can't answer these questions you might have to just accept that it probably won't happen, beg and plead and hope it does something, or hopefully win a bet of some sort where that can be the reward.
The other compromise (after finding ways it will improve her life) is to seek a trial basis of it. See if she notices a difference over two weeks and let her decide after that. Unfortunately, if she's adamant about it you might be out of luck.
Here are some links to posts that I have made that have dealt with similar subjects:
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/05/thoughts-on-vanilla-to-ds-conversion.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/03/good-things-about-being-dominant-woman.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/dominance-vs-confidence-unlocking.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/p/tips-on-courting-domme.html
Unfortunately there's no sure-fire way to sell it to her. The best you can do is to come up with a compelling argument and hope that she will be willing to either buy into it or at least entertain it on a trial basis.
I regret closing the window before starting this reply because I remember the basics from the question but not all of the details. If you were the one to leave the message, please leave a comment here and I can try to address the specifics more directly.
Basically, if memory serves me, the writer was a sub in a long-standing marriage with some Femdom tones that was wanting his wife to have him wear a bra and panties and his request was denied and he was looking for advice on how to convince her of the idea. (also I think there was a mention of chastity but I don't remember the specifics.)
I have written about this topic several times in the past but I will try to reiterate some of the more important points. What you need to "sell" her on is how will it benefit her. Basically, by forcing you to dress in a bra and panties, what does that add to her life, your relationship, and so on? Will her life be better because of it or is it just something you want to do? Will it justify its cost?
You need to be able to answer these questions and be willing to make extra sacrifices to make it happen (assuming it is truly important to you). You can try tackling them one by one.
Some examples:
"When you have me wear a bra and panties, it makes me feel more submissive and more loving. I also feel more obedient and would be willing to do
"I would be willing to give up
"It is something that touches my submissive soul deeply and I think I would be able to make you happier because
If you can't answer these questions you might have to just accept that it probably won't happen, beg and plead and hope it does something, or hopefully win a bet of some sort where that can be the reward.
The other compromise (after finding ways it will improve her life) is to seek a trial basis of it. See if she notices a difference over two weeks and let her decide after that. Unfortunately, if she's adamant about it you might be out of luck.
Here are some links to posts that I have made that have dealt with similar subjects:
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/05/thoughts-on-vanilla-to-ds-conversion.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/03/good-things-about-being-dominant-woman.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/dominance-vs-confidence-unlocking.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/p/tips-on-courting-domme.html
Unfortunately there's no sure-fire way to sell it to her. The best you can do is to come up with a compelling argument and hope that she will be willing to either buy into it or at least entertain it on a trial basis.
Thoughts on submissive/sissy names and the pronoun game
I've served several women over the years, most of which have sissified me to some extent and the ones I was with for longer than a month always developed some sort of nickname for me.
I've been called pet, slave, my first initial, slut, sissy, etc. but I've never been given a girl's name. The idea of being given a girl's name doesn't really do it for me although I know that's a common thing to do with Domme's that feminize their subs. I'm not sure why it has no effect on me, maybe it's that I'm not feminine in the slightest or that I have no aspirations towards womanhood. I also don't really know if being given one would do it for me, but only since I don't really care to have one.
That being said, when my Mistresses no longer called me by my name, it DOES do it for me. A little bit of thinking on the subject and I started to analyze what types of nicknames did it for me and which ones didn't.
What I noticed was that my submissive instincts (aka a hard on) usually stems from nicknames that either reflect status inequalities, depersonalize, or are insulting. When being called "pet," it's not like saying "my pet," which would have a name, but more stating that I am in fact on the level of a pet. From my experiences, when demeaning/insulting nicknames, a single name is rarely used exclusively. e.g. If she calls me slut, she will most likely call me whore, bitch, sissy, etc. and use any of them at any time interchangeably (or a combination like sissy bitch, slut whore, and so on).
Pronouns tend to be a bit different, except almost all of them affect me if they are used when I am present and being spoken about as if I'm not even there. In this context I can see being referred to as "she" doing it for me. That being said, being called "it" or "the slave" or "the slut" would have a similar effect. Hell, even addressing me as "you there" or "boy" etc. tend to do it when the mood is right.
I guess all of it would probably have to come down to the context.
I guess I'm curious as to why Dommes give their feminized subs girl's names, if it's to give them an association with being feminine or because they love it or hate it?
I've been called pet, slave, my first initial, slut, sissy, etc. but I've never been given a girl's name. The idea of being given a girl's name doesn't really do it for me although I know that's a common thing to do with Domme's that feminize their subs. I'm not sure why it has no effect on me, maybe it's that I'm not feminine in the slightest or that I have no aspirations towards womanhood. I also don't really know if being given one would do it for me, but only since I don't really care to have one.
That being said, when my Mistresses no longer called me by my name, it DOES do it for me. A little bit of thinking on the subject and I started to analyze what types of nicknames did it for me and which ones didn't.
What I noticed was that my submissive instincts (aka a hard on) usually stems from nicknames that either reflect status inequalities, depersonalize, or are insulting. When being called "pet," it's not like saying "my pet," which would have a name, but more stating that I am in fact on the level of a pet. From my experiences, when demeaning/insulting nicknames, a single name is rarely used exclusively. e.g. If she calls me slut, she will most likely call me whore, bitch, sissy, etc. and use any of them at any time interchangeably (or a combination like sissy bitch, slut whore, and so on).
Pronouns tend to be a bit different, except almost all of them affect me if they are used when I am present and being spoken about as if I'm not even there. In this context I can see being referred to as "she" doing it for me. That being said, being called "it" or "the slave" or "the slut" would have a similar effect. Hell, even addressing me as "you there" or "boy" etc. tend to do it when the mood is right.
I guess all of it would probably have to come down to the context.
I guess I'm curious as to why Dommes give their feminized subs girl's names, if it's to give them an association with being feminine or because they love it or hate it?
200 posts
It seems that earlier tonight I broke the 200 post mark. I know my web presence has been a bit sporadic but I'm grateful to all those who read my blog and everyone that I have communicated with both here and on other blogs. You all help inspire me and hopefully I'm able to contribute to some of you as well.
Keep in mind I'm always open to requests for topics to write about or answering any questions you might have.
Keep in mind I'm always open to requests for topics to write about or answering any questions you might have.
Another drawing inspired by MsMarie
MsMarie's recent post "Natural Habitat - Snow Plowed" got my head spinning in a good way and I used a few pics from her blog as models for this one.
If I gave my drawings titles, this one would probably be called something like "Traversing the natural habitat in style." Unfortunately with my current level of abilities I just couldn't get the whipping arm to look right...
(MsMarie, I know I borrowed you and your husband as models without permission, if you want me to take this down please let me know)
If I gave my drawings titles, this one would probably be called something like "Traversing the natural habitat in style." Unfortunately with my current level of abilities I just couldn't get the whipping arm to look right...
(MsMarie, I know I borrowed you and your husband as models without permission, if you want me to take this down please let me know)
Monday, January 17, 2011
I stumbled across this picture a while back
I stumbled across this picture a while back and just saw it again today for the first time in over a year. I can understand completely the body language and posture. It's a display of shame and humiliation. It got me thinking a bit about the subject. In all likeliness he has some sort of fur fetish that brings him great guilt and shame, he likely has a fetish for forced feminization that also brings him guilt and shame, and he probably has a thing for humiliation, which is why he was willing to be photographed in the first place.
For some reason tonight I started thinking about how conditional his fetishes probably are. Tear him away from the security of a private home and force him into a situation well outside of his comfort zone and all of that desire would probably fade away. Drive him to the mall to parade him around and he'll probably beg and cry and refuse to leave the car unless threatened with something much worse. Turn your back on him for an instant and he'll have the fur hidden away as best he can and probably try to use the coat to cover his skirt and legs. The mental anguish would be off the charts. Start counting to five. Tell him if you reach five you'll have him welded inside a steel chastity belt. Assure him that it's not an empty threat. Feel your lips mouth "fiii" and watch him snap to attention.
What a terrible experience that would be. A terrible experience that lingers as a fantasy in my twisted mind.
Life as it is
Well, it's been several months since our last serious D/s interactions. Things are going quite well and we haven't been fighting much over the past couple of months. I am okay with this but I think it's also why I've been doing so much with my blog the past couple of weeks. My D/s needs aren't being met in life so I'm finding a way to feed them here. It makes it hard sometimes.
Catering to a Domme's nature
Some recent comments by Lady Grey got me thinking a bit about Dommes and something came to mind that I thought was worthy of its own post. My apologies in advance if this basically comes off as the same thing as something else I wrote months ago. With the ups and downs that I've been through this past year it seems like a distant memory.
A lot of responsibility is put on the Domme to keep the kink rolling in a D/s relationship. I'm sure this can be frustrating at times for both parties. A lot about D/s dating/courting/relationships revolves around sub "fit," which is basically how compatible a Domme and sub are on a kink level.
When it comes to deeper types of submission I think a lot of the specifics can be ignored as the basic needs are more like themes and the right type of Domme will fill those needs regardless of what the specifics are.
I think every Domme has two primary parts to their D/s nature:
A. The part of the Domme that enjoys being dominant. This is the part of the Domme that gets off on doing things to a sub.
B. The part of the Domme that enjoys having a submissive. This is the part of the Domme that gets off on having a sub do things for her.
The type A part of a Domme probably most enjoys spanking/beating, mind fucking, bondage, tease & denial, limiting privileges, etc. Basically, she gets off on themes of power and control and wielding it over someone else.
The type B part of a Domme probably most enjoys being waited on hand & foot, receiving sexual pleasure, avoiding tedious chores/busywork, etc. In these cases she gets off on themes of being cherished and pampered. To simplify it even more, she goes for the displays of love and devotion in each action.
I do know that many of these activities could be classified as both, but I'm mainly getting at what part of each activity pleases her most. "Turn your Woman into a Femdom" advice/writings generally cater to type B.
Every Domme has at least some of each type but how they balance within a Domme differs greatly from person to person. In most D/s relationships (working from the distribution of intensities I wrote about in http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/styles-and-intensities-of-femdom.html), I would wager there is usually a 40A-60B split or greater in favor of B in most Dommes. I think a lot of that probably stems from the guilt factor that many Dommes have about what they do to and with subs, but mostly from the fact that there just aren't as many women that get aroused by being cruel to someone else. Because of this I think you'll find quite a few women who go as far as 10A-90B but VERY FEW women that would be 90A-10B.
If you are a Domme and aren't sure which type you lean towards, picture a naked sub prostrated at your feet and consider the following lines:
1. "I suffer for you because it pleases you. That makes me happy."
2. "I would do anything for you to please you. That makes me happy."
If you prefer 1, you probably lean to type A. If you prefer 2, you probably lean to type B.
I also realize a Domme may change her distributions over time, so when I make these statements, I mean them over the course of a year or so and they may shift from year to year.
Subs have a similar sort of personality mix:
a. The part of the sub that enjoys doing things for a Domme.
b. The part of a sub that enjoys having things done to him by a Domme.
A/b and B/a probably make up the best couples in the long run, but unfortunately, I would wager that there are more type a subs than type b subs. If there are truly more type B Dommes than type A Dommes, that means the largest group of subs has the smallest group of Dommes and vice versa.
In my opinion, it's best off for a sub seeking a Domme to be well-balanced (if not leaning heavily to type a).
A lot of responsibility is put on the Domme to keep the kink rolling in a D/s relationship. I'm sure this can be frustrating at times for both parties. A lot about D/s dating/courting/relationships revolves around sub "fit," which is basically how compatible a Domme and sub are on a kink level.
When it comes to deeper types of submission I think a lot of the specifics can be ignored as the basic needs are more like themes and the right type of Domme will fill those needs regardless of what the specifics are.
I think every Domme has two primary parts to their D/s nature:
A. The part of the Domme that enjoys being dominant. This is the part of the Domme that gets off on doing things to a sub.
B. The part of the Domme that enjoys having a submissive. This is the part of the Domme that gets off on having a sub do things for her.
The type A part of a Domme probably most enjoys spanking/beating, mind fucking, bondage, tease & denial, limiting privileges, etc. Basically, she gets off on themes of power and control and wielding it over someone else.
The type B part of a Domme probably most enjoys being waited on hand & foot, receiving sexual pleasure, avoiding tedious chores/busywork, etc. In these cases she gets off on themes of being cherished and pampered. To simplify it even more, she goes for the displays of love and devotion in each action.
I do know that many of these activities could be classified as both, but I'm mainly getting at what part of each activity pleases her most. "Turn your Woman into a Femdom" advice/writings generally cater to type B.
Every Domme has at least some of each type but how they balance within a Domme differs greatly from person to person. In most D/s relationships (working from the distribution of intensities I wrote about in http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/styles-and-intensities-of-femdom.html), I would wager there is usually a 40A-60B split or greater in favor of B in most Dommes. I think a lot of that probably stems from the guilt factor that many Dommes have about what they do to and with subs, but mostly from the fact that there just aren't as many women that get aroused by being cruel to someone else. Because of this I think you'll find quite a few women who go as far as 10A-90B but VERY FEW women that would be 90A-10B.
If you are a Domme and aren't sure which type you lean towards, picture a naked sub prostrated at your feet and consider the following lines:
1. "I suffer for you because it pleases you. That makes me happy."
2. "I would do anything for you to please you. That makes me happy."
If you prefer 1, you probably lean to type A. If you prefer 2, you probably lean to type B.
I also realize a Domme may change her distributions over time, so when I make these statements, I mean them over the course of a year or so and they may shift from year to year.
Subs have a similar sort of personality mix:
a. The part of the sub that enjoys doing things for a Domme.
b. The part of a sub that enjoys having things done to him by a Domme.
A/b and B/a probably make up the best couples in the long run, but unfortunately, I would wager that there are more type a subs than type b subs. If there are truly more type B Dommes than type A Dommes, that means the largest group of subs has the smallest group of Dommes and vice versa.
In my opinion, it's best off for a sub seeking a Domme to be well-balanced (if not leaning heavily to type a).
More shading practice
I really love drawing. I'm not very good at it but it really makes me feel alive. I get a bit frustrated sometimes since improvements happen very very very slowly. I was never able to take any art/drawing classes in high school or college. My parents expected me to be perfect and get a scholarship since they said I was "gifted." In turn, I avoided classes that posed a risk to my GPA, e.g. Art, auto mechanics, wood shop, creative writing (writing was a huge weakness of mine back then), etc. Lots of things I wanted to do for pleasure or for practical knowledge I just had to skip over. I managed to finish high school with a 4.0 but I really regret not just saying fuck it and doing what I wanted to. In college the engineering grad programs I was looking at had pretty high GPA requirements and I had no room for any type of elective credits. By the time I changed majors and decided not to go to grad school I got stuck taking all required classes until I graduated. If I could do it all over again I'd make a much larger effort to make drawing/painting a much larger part of my life.
The model for this drawing was from a picture at www.mrmockle.com
He's been around for years and if you have a thing for women in fur, you are probably aware of his site.
Also, the last few drawings I have done were using vector clip art for the eyes and mouth. I drew these ones by hand and I think they're a huge step up from my earlier drawings. I still suck at mouths and noses though :P
(I was going to draw a sub in the cage but I think it would have probably turned out poorly no matter how much time I spent on it).
The model for this drawing was from a picture at www.mrmockle.com
He's been around for years and if you have a thing for women in fur, you are probably aware of his site.
Also, the last few drawings I have done were using vector clip art for the eyes and mouth. I drew these ones by hand and I think they're a huge step up from my earlier drawings. I still suck at mouths and noses though :P
(I was going to draw a sub in the cage but I think it would have probably turned out poorly no matter how much time I spent on it).
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Contract enforcement, renewal, and retraining
Queen Goddess at the blog "I am Her Maine sub" recently made a post about annual retraining with her sub. It's an interesting lifestyle post that covers some of the aspects of keeping a D/s relationship on course and ever-evolving.
As described in the blog posting there's often a bit of lull that sets in after a while where both the submissive's level of service eventually begins to wain and the Domme's enforcement of rules can also similarly lose its edge. The end result of this usually happens rather abruptly, where things decline until Domme decides drastic change must happen and tightens the reins until proper submissive behavior resumes. Other times things don't go quite as smoothly and there can be significant consequences to the relationship in the long run.
Queen Goddess's approach to rectifying this situation is every year to re-evaluate what is expected of the sub and make any changes to routines, rules, etc. Contracts are renewed and during the first month of the year the sub starts from "rock bottom" for lack of a better term, and must slowly earn back his privileges.
I think this is a very good method but it also got me thinking about my own behaviors and tendencies and where I find myself slipping up and what ways could be used to counteract those without having my behavior or my relationship deteriorate. In all honesty, it takes me roughly 6-8 weeks for strict adherence to standards begins to falter unless constant motivation is applied (usually right around the time she feels she doesn't have to tell me, I start fouling up). I feel bad and inadequate sometimes about this but I acknowledge it as my own current reality. While my service might be satisfactory after that time, satisfactory and exemplary service (what I would like to expect from myself) are definitely on different levels.
I do enjoy contracts and I don't mind having my routines/expectations laid out for me, so I thought a bit about how to integrate that into the cycle of a relationship. I also realize that the more back-end work a Domme has to do, the more of a headache being dominant can be for her, so keeping that within reason here's some ideas I was able to come up with that would probably help ease my chronic problems.
The contract would remain annual for our joint renewal, but include stipulations for quarterly reviews. Each year would be broken up in to three month stretches. Each quarter would have behavioral evaluations made and at the end of the of the quarter the Domme may make revisions to the contract/rules/regulations and sign them into effect for the next quarter (the sub still only renews yearly). At the end of the year there should be enough behavioral feedback to know what changes need to be made and with what emphasis/priority they should be given.
Each Quarter in Detail:
-A sub report card is a good way to record sub performance. These can have as many or few categories as seen fit and will be used at various times during the quarter.
A sample might include:
Behavioral Grades
-Chore duties
-Attentiveness
-Sexual performance
-Sexual control
-Attention to detail
Attitude Grades
-Politeness and respect
-Willingness to participate and serve
-Enthusiasm
-Anticipating needs
If your sub is a sissy, it might include a section for appearance with grading on clothing, makeup, hair, grooming/shaving, etc.
-The Domme will randomly select a day during the quarter (she doesn't have to tell the sub in advance) and use this as sort of a pop quiz midterm and evaluate his performance and record it to a report card. This report card may count towards half (or something slightly less than half) of his quarter grade. It's up to the Domme's discretion if she wishes to choose a good day, average day, or bad day, but on a bad day it might be a good way to blow off steam. This could be done more than once but should be done at least once.
-The final week (or few days) of the quarter will be finals week. The sub will be graded with great scrutiny each day until the end of the quarter. These grades for the week will be averaged and count for the other half of his quarter grade.
When the quarterly grades are in, the sub's strengths and weaknesses both under knowing observation and at random can be determined and quantified and appropriate revisions can be made to the contract for the next quarter.
This leaves three quarter revisions and four quarters' worth of grades. At the end of the fourth quarter the yearly grades can be determined and should be fairly representative of the sub's strengths and weaknesses for the entire year. The contract is then revised again and both parties will renew.
Quarterly and year end grades can also serve another purpose as requiring a certain GPA can be used for granting rewards or punishments and give the sub something to aspire for (or try his best to avoid).
Just some ideas...
As described in the blog posting there's often a bit of lull that sets in after a while where both the submissive's level of service eventually begins to wain and the Domme's enforcement of rules can also similarly lose its edge. The end result of this usually happens rather abruptly, where things decline until Domme decides drastic change must happen and tightens the reins until proper submissive behavior resumes. Other times things don't go quite as smoothly and there can be significant consequences to the relationship in the long run.
Queen Goddess's approach to rectifying this situation is every year to re-evaluate what is expected of the sub and make any changes to routines, rules, etc. Contracts are renewed and during the first month of the year the sub starts from "rock bottom" for lack of a better term, and must slowly earn back his privileges.
I think this is a very good method but it also got me thinking about my own behaviors and tendencies and where I find myself slipping up and what ways could be used to counteract those without having my behavior or my relationship deteriorate. In all honesty, it takes me roughly 6-8 weeks for strict adherence to standards begins to falter unless constant motivation is applied (usually right around the time she feels she doesn't have to tell me, I start fouling up). I feel bad and inadequate sometimes about this but I acknowledge it as my own current reality. While my service might be satisfactory after that time, satisfactory and exemplary service (what I would like to expect from myself) are definitely on different levels.
I do enjoy contracts and I don't mind having my routines/expectations laid out for me, so I thought a bit about how to integrate that into the cycle of a relationship. I also realize that the more back-end work a Domme has to do, the more of a headache being dominant can be for her, so keeping that within reason here's some ideas I was able to come up with that would probably help ease my chronic problems.
The contract would remain annual for our joint renewal, but include stipulations for quarterly reviews. Each year would be broken up in to three month stretches. Each quarter would have behavioral evaluations made and at the end of the of the quarter the Domme may make revisions to the contract/rules/regulations and sign them into effect for the next quarter (the sub still only renews yearly). At the end of the year there should be enough behavioral feedback to know what changes need to be made and with what emphasis/priority they should be given.
Each Quarter in Detail:
-A sub report card is a good way to record sub performance. These can have as many or few categories as seen fit and will be used at various times during the quarter.
A sample might include:
Behavioral Grades
-Chore duties
-Attentiveness
-Sexual performance
-Sexual control
-Attention to detail
Attitude Grades
-Politeness and respect
-Willingness to participate and serve
-Enthusiasm
-Anticipating needs
If your sub is a sissy, it might include a section for appearance with grading on clothing, makeup, hair, grooming/shaving, etc.
-The Domme will randomly select a day during the quarter (she doesn't have to tell the sub in advance) and use this as sort of a pop quiz midterm and evaluate his performance and record it to a report card. This report card may count towards half (or something slightly less than half) of his quarter grade. It's up to the Domme's discretion if she wishes to choose a good day, average day, or bad day, but on a bad day it might be a good way to blow off steam. This could be done more than once but should be done at least once.
-The final week (or few days) of the quarter will be finals week. The sub will be graded with great scrutiny each day until the end of the quarter. These grades for the week will be averaged and count for the other half of his quarter grade.
When the quarterly grades are in, the sub's strengths and weaknesses both under knowing observation and at random can be determined and quantified and appropriate revisions can be made to the contract for the next quarter.
This leaves three quarter revisions and four quarters' worth of grades. At the end of the fourth quarter the yearly grades can be determined and should be fairly representative of the sub's strengths and weaknesses for the entire year. The contract is then revised again and both parties will renew.
Quarterly and year end grades can also serve another purpose as requiring a certain GPA can be used for granting rewards or punishments and give the sub something to aspire for (or try his best to avoid).
Just some ideas...
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