Sunday, April 25, 2010

Dommes as Switches, Switches as Dommes

If you have frequented adult dating personals within the past decade you've probably noticed it looks something like this:
-20,000 male subs seeking Dommes
-100 Dommes (broken down further):
         -30 seeking submissive women only.
         -30 seeking a secondary sub for a polyamorous relationship (I wrote about these earlier).
         -25 seeking submissive men.
         -10 seeking friendship or contact with other couples
         -5 seeking a bull to cuckold her male sub.
 -500 female switches

Assuming you are a submissive male, the odds are pretty terrible at finding a Domme, but what about switches?

Switches are a fairly interesting group as a whole because there's so much variety.  Switches involved heavily in the BDSM-scene are often quite popular since they will often interact and play with many different people without ulterior motives.  Amongst Dommes, switches often carry a bit of a stigma as play partners or potential subs (although it's quite common to have Dommes that are friends with switches).  It's usually only a handful of very vocal, very visible, and very active switches that are responsible for this reputation, so it's not completely fair to judge them as a whole.  The negatives that are sometimes brought against switches are things like being attention whores and wanting to be both the center of attention when they dom and sub, they aren't "true" subs so they're just playing in kink, they aren't "true" Dommes since a Dominant should never submit to anyone, etc.

While their concerns can be noted, it's easy to pass judgment when you sit at the top of the food chain.  To a male sub without a lot of options, they have probably thought about the option of a switch at some point or another.

If you are curious about switches, you will find 8 basic types and a few types that are contingent upon a few things.

The basic types:
1.  submissive to women, dominant to women.
2.  submissive to men, dominant to women.
3.  submissive to both, dominant to women.
4.  submissive to women, dominant to men.
5.  submissive to women, dominant to both.
6.  submissive to men, dominant to men.
7.  submissive to men, dominant to both.
8.  submissive to both, dominant to men.

The remaining types are contingent upon who they are with and I will not break them down to specific genders but will outline them briefly:
9.  submissive to some people, dominant to other people, depending upon who they are.
10. both submissive and dominant to the same people depending upon the situation and how they feel.

For the purposes of my discussion I will limit considerations to numbers 4-8. If you are seeking primarily bedroom kink, any of these types should be open for courting, but if you aren't a switch expect that she will want to play with others in order to get her fix.  

Personally, I seek rather intense domination and I also couldn't bear seeing my Mistress submitting to a man, so that pretty much leaves numbers 4 and 5 (and in some cases 9 as well).  This is where the reality check swings in full force.  By eliminating 1-3, 6-8, most of 9, and all of 10, those 500 switches just became 80 potentials.  The reality of it is that most female switches are submissive to men and dominant to women, and when I say most, I mean most. 

Digging further you'll find about 30 of those potential switches are married or have a significant other who allows them to go and "play" in the BDSM world.  We're now down to 50.  50 is more than 25, but how does this stack up towards those wishing to court a Femdom long-term relationship?

How many of those remaining switches would be capable of providing that kind of lifestyle?  In all honesty, I think most men that consider themselves subs are probably better off with a switch that is dominant to men.  You'd be looking at a fairly vanilla day-to-day life with an incredibly kinky bedroom.  Many Dommes have told me the vast majority of men aren't looking for a lifestyle but just wishing to satisfy their sexual desires and with this in mind, most of them are probably better suited towards this life rather than a more intense D/s lifestyle.

Overall when you take switches into account, your odds still haven't gotten much better, but they are in fact better.  If you aren't sure you really want a more intense and demanding D/s lifestyle, it might be the better place for you to look.  

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