What is it about Bondage?

What is it about bondage that provides such an allure for me? 

I'm not just talking about temporary restraint, but being restrained most of the time.   Early on when my first Mistress began asking me about my deepest darkest fantasies and slowly started integrating bondage into our lifestyle.  She was a bit "old school" in her views of a D/s relationship so she was a fan of wearing a collar (or something symbolic of a collar) at all times.

Somewhere in there my penis took over and the fantasies in my mind began to accelerate at an alarming pace.  She had eventually settled on a leather collar and leather wrist cuffs as standard "wear around the house" items.  While this excited me, I began to crave more and more and this was something we talked about.  I asked her if she would put a lock on the collar and cuffs and she replied that she didn't need to since she knew I wouldn't take them off without permission.  She then asked me why I wanted to have them locked on and quite frankly, I didn't have a good answer for her at that time.

After having time to think about it I had an answer and brought the topic up again.  It seems that adding locks hit me on multiple levels appealing both to my heart and my penis.  I have some abandonment issues and locks symbolized to me that she would keep me and that I was hers.  It also said that I was committed to her and I couldn't leave.  This gave me a great sense of peace inside.  On the arousal front, something just turned me on about not being able to remove them even if I wanted to. We ended up adding locks to the equation.

A couple of weeks later I asked about adding ankle cuffs.  They made me feel even more like her possession and it also aroused me even more.  Ankle cuffs were added.  Within a few days I made another request that I'm pretty certain was my penis trumping my brain, but it was consistent with my other feelings.  I asked her if we could add chains to the cuffs.  She asked me why and the explanation I offered was that it increased my feelings of being owned and it turned me on feeling that way as well as knowing that there was no escape.  We ended up adding a chain to the ankle cuffs and chains to the wrist cuffs that attached them to the collar. 

I know these requests were a bit selfish of me but at the same time I knew they turned her on as well.  Soon after she insisted that my wrists be chained above my head when we slept and my collar be locked to the bedpost.  It made me feel so special when she did that, it almost brings a tear to my eye remembering how I felt then. 

When I got involved with my second Mistress and she had integrated forced dressing as the norm, I found myself wishing that the clothing was secured in such a way that it couldn't be removed.  We talked about it and she stated that she didn't think it was necessary because I wouldn't take it off without permission.  Again I found myself coming to the same answers I did before.  It made me feel completely owned in an inescapable situation and that gave my heart peace and turned me on.  It was an easy transition to make, the only difference being that my wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, and collar started going on over the clothes instead of under them (she was already using locks) and it was much easier to attach chains to the restraints.   

This change seemed to ignite a fire in her (and me as well).  Instead of having me undress when she attached chains, now she was using them when I was fully clothed.  The 12" chain between my ankle cuffs became a 6" chain.  The 12" chain between my wrist cuffs became a variety of different configurations, usually 4" or less if the wrists weren't tethered to the collar or bondage belt.  I still had to perform my same duties and she took great pleasure in watching me struggle, forced to take tiny steps to move around and always having difficulty using my hands.  Sometimes she would just drag me around the room by a leash forcing me to try to keep up and swatting me if I lagged behind or tugging hard on my nipples or genitals to force me to catch up.  The additional struggles also made me feel more devoted since I would willingly suffer to please her and have to put forth a lot of extra effort in order to perform my services at an acceptable level.

Being restrained quickly became an instant push to deep subspace.  

Since those times my interest in bondage has become much more extreme.  Hoods, blindfolds, gags, spreader bars, sleepsacks, cages, stocks, yolks, being locked in uncomfortable or completely helpless positions, etc.  It's a bit on the scary side but it's also exhilarating.  It just puzzles me at how quickly those things progressed for me and how the envelope keeps begging to be pushed in order to give that "first time" rush.  The odd thing is that every time that first time rush happens I still experience peace in my heart and I fall even more madly in love with my Mistress.  It's not surprising but it also makes my arousal grows even stronger. 

I guess I don't quite understand myself in this regards... how being chained up and locked in a closet makes me feel safe and loved.  In these cases I know that my heart is trumping the penis because I'm in no position to masturbate.

I'm guessing this is one of those cases where I don't really have to understand myself.