Reflections on my submissive vs. sissy Dichotomy

I recently stumbled across a blog of a Femdom D/s relationship, although it appears in blog lingo the more common term is FLR/FLM, bug I'm guessing this is probably takes root in whether or not the relationship was formed through the BDSM-world or gravitated towards from what was a vanilla relationship.  It's a very candid and honest blog that talks about many things, especially the growing pains of discovery and how things tend to function in a D/s relationship.  If you want a realistic view of a lifestyle D/s relationship, I definitely recommend checking it out.

The blog is located:
http://forever-hers2010.blogspot.com/

While reading a few posts I began reflecting upon myself and just how things work inside of me.  If you have read my posts you are probably familiar with these and this is going to be another one of those 2+2 = ? type posts with the quest of self-discovery.

As I've mentioned a couple of times, it wasn't until recently that I began to consider myself a sissy and before my conditioning, I never really craved to be dressed in women's clothing.  Even during times where I was single, I wouldn't just lounge around the house dressed up, nor would I have considered myself a cross-dresser.  I still don't consider myself a cross-dresser.  I do strongly consider myself a submissive and have for a very long time.

The appeal of dressing to me has only ever been towards forced feminization (and not in the "I want to cross-dress but need a woman to force me" way).  A post on the above linked blog drew up some interesting correlations between panty-wearing and the display of power/submission and I realized then that this described me fairly well.  Over the years I have experienced every sexual fantasy I had ever dreamed of when I was younger and the large majority of the BDSM fantasies I had in my early 20's and I think that plays a big part in this.

Once I reached some deep levels of sub-space in real life, those levels soon began feeling ordinary when they were happening regularly.  I enjoyed it a lot (and still do) but I had continuously craved for more.  To feel more helpless/powerless, to feel more controlled, more submissive, more pleasing, and so on became a fantasy.  I guess you could call it the need for having things "spiced up" a bit.

When forced dressing first was introduced to me it really pushed me to a deeper level of submission.  This new sub-space was so deep that I finally felt at peace again (just like experiencing more mild sub-space for the first time).  The humiliation makes me feel even more submissive and even happier to serve when I'm in this state.  Since then, nearly every fantasy I have had since then has involved forced dressing and over time it has developed into a bit of a fetish. 

Getting back to my original thoughts, is my draw really to forced feminization or is it merely to relating forced feminization with deep submission?   Similarly, is my draw to being humiliated related more to deep submission than humiliation?

My gut tells me that the answers to both questions are yes.

If I had to choose between gazing upon my Venus in Furs or being feminized and wearing girly furs, I would definitely choose Venus.  I'm sure I'll end up writing more about this in future posts as I think more