Punishment Log

A recent posting at the blog Forever Hers got me thinking a bit about some experiences I had with my first Mistress.

Since our relationships suffered from the same ups and downs that any relationship goes through, we weren't always in the right mood to keep the D/s dynamic going all the time, but she had a method of keeping track of my behavior when things were both "on" and "off." 

Early on she had instituted a punishment log, which was a journal she used to record my infractions in, especially during the early periods of my training.  In its original form each time I broke a rule it would earn a check-mark in the book along with a date/time and what I did to earn it.  At some point in time she would decide to punish me and each check mark was "worth" two spankings with a paddle (e.g. 20 strokes would cross out 10 check marks). 

At first she used this for several reasons:
-To make sure no infraction went unpunished.
-To weed out bad habits on my part.
-To avoid feeling guilty when she wanted to hit me.

Some early reasons for a check mark were things like not addressing her as Mistress or forgetting to ask permission to go to the bathroom. 

As our relationship progressed and the "new car smell" faded away our moods began to vary across a more normal spectrum and the amount of time she wasn't in Domme mode began to increase.  Some very stressful things also happened that ended up causing a great deal of strain on our relationship.  Around this time the punishment log began to evolve a bit.

While it still encompassed the normal rules during our D/s times she began to incorporate it into the more vanilla times as well, basically citing any time she felt my attitude drift away from the priority structure of our relationship (which is a fancy way of saying that she started recording the times that I was acting selfish).  Also, instead of simply using a single check mark she began to write out values for things she felt were worse offenses.  e.g. if we got into an argument and I pissed her off she might value that at 50 spankings.  I had to be really careful at times like these since she tended to get a bit trigger happy with the log book when she was angry.


Overall I think it was a pretty good idea to use the log.  It was quite cathartic to her and allowed her to let go of her anger when she knew that I would be punished for it later.  At other times she would let me know I had earned a mark and it would be enough for me to realize my attitude was poor and turn things around before it got worse. 

Bondage Devices: Puppy Restraints & Symbolism

I'm not a fan of puppy play but early on in my journey into the BDSM lifestyle the idea was introduced to me and the foreign idea of puppy restraints were described.  It took a while before I actually saw them and although they were pretty much exactly like the mental picture I had of them, I was still a bit fascinated by them in a couple of different ways.

For those who aren't familiar with puppy restraints, there's two primary devices that generally encompass puppy play.  The first are the actual puppy restraints.  These consist of a leather strap that wraps around the cock and balls.  On the strap are a one or two O-rings.  There are also a pair of wrist and ankle cuffs.  Each pair of cuffs is connected by a chain and the chain is threaded through an O-ring on the cock and ball strap.  The general purpose of the restraints is to keep the sub on his knees, unable to extend his arms or legs.  He can crawl but if he extends one arm (or leg), the other arm (or leg) is pulled closer to his balls.

Basically, he can't stand up, nor use more than one arm at a time.

The other common bondage devices of puppy play are fist mitts.  Fist mitts are a pair of leather bondage mittens that buckle around the wrist hold the wearer's hands in a closed position and restrict the thumb from being used.  The idea being that the wearer's hands become useless and uncoordinated, limiting any attempt at ordinary hand usage.

It took a bit of thought for me to discover just what drew me in so strongly to these items even when I have no desire for puppy play.  I soon realized that it was the original descriptions I had heard long before seeing them and the symbolic association they held that had my mind racing so out of control.  I'm sure some readers will say I am over-analyzing this but that's just how my mind works :)

With puppy restraints (aside from just using them for puppy play), it's the idea that to use one limb, you must give up the other limb.  Freedom can't be taken granted.  Attempted motion beyond what you are allowed will cause pain or discomfort to your genitals.  I've found this to be consistent with my views on the sacrifices one makes in submission.  Any gains are met with equal or greater loss.  In turn, the Domme can continuously inflict suffering and a physical manifestation of the give/take nature by simply placing her sub in the restraints for a period of time.

Fist mitts hold allure on a different level (in a way that isn't puppy play).  Why would a Domme put a sub in fist mitts?  Because she can.  His life just became infinitely more difficult trying to do anything and your hands just basically became stumps.  A fun idea if you enjoy cruelty.

I've learned from experiences that I prefer strict limits to the push and pull of the sliding chain.  I've had situations similar to the puppy restraints as well as motion limited with a chain run through a collar, belt, etc. where extending one hand pulls the other hand back.  I'm not sure why exactly but if faced with these options I tend to prefer bondage that involves second one:

-A 12" chain run through a ring, each end connected to one wrist restraint.
-Each wrist connected to a ring by a 6" chain. 

It's been a while...

Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while.  I was out of town and then sick and then super busy with things and I haven't had all that much time to think about things, write about them, or draw them.  Not much going on in terms of femdom stuff aside from it getting really cold and Mistress has brought her furs out.

I have some ideas for future posts and drawings that I'm mulling over right now.

For now, here is a drawing that I finished tonight.

Drawing Practice 2

This was my second attempt for today.

It is extremely frustrating for me to struggle with things but I know this is just part of the process.  Another two or three hundred hours and there will probably be some significant improvements hehe.  All this to be able to draw a more cruel looking Domme and a more distraught looking sub.

I'm also guessing it's fairly obvious by now at my lack of knowledge/understanding of how women actually wear make-up :P

Drawing practice

 I've wanted to work on eyes, mouths, and facial expressions/shading.  This is a practice tracing to see if I could do the types of shading I was hoping for and learning how to detail eyes/mouths, etc. It didn't turn out very well but it is a slight improvement and it helped me understand some of the techniques involved.  I'll probably have to do a lot of these before I start figuring it out.

Haunting Thought: Special Cruelty

Queen Goddess at the blog I am Her Maine sub posted a recounting of sissifying her husband.

If you've read a lot of my posts since I started you probably know I have a great appreciation for mind-fucking and that "killer instinct" that a Domme has towards dominating her sub.  A few weeks ago I was reading one of the posts there and came upon this paragraph describing their first public outing (driving around).

I have quoted it here:
"The closer we got the more she fidgeted. I have to admit that she was pretty passable from afar and I felt pretty comfortable but poor little Daphne was sweating like pig. Her mouth was dry and she was white as a sheet. I said to her since you are so parched we need to get you something to drink and pulled into a drive thru and ordered a few ice coffees. I guess they may have got a glimpse of Daphne but by the look on her face you would have thought I had her laid out on the hood. As I pulled away I stopped for a minute and ran my hands over her cute little short shorts. Her clit was totally soft which told me I was getting the response I was looking for. This was for my enjoyment not hers."

I can say as a sub it is very difficult to describe exactly what kind of cruelty "does it" for me, but the last three sentences absolutely capture a very special type of cruelty that I have only experienced a couple of times in my life and reading this made me drift into subspace.

It's hard to describe and understand it but I think it's the mix of intense suffering under complete control... but hey, I'm not completely sure :)

Haunting Thought: Roles - Unconditional Love & Strict Disciplinarian

Several years ago I was watching the movie, "Best in Show" with my Mistress at the time and a particular scene came on that has stayed in my memory since then.

If you aren't familiar with that movie, it was done by Christopher Guest and it's basically a fake documentary about the dog show circuit.  It's basically "This is Spinal Tap" but with dog shows instead of a rock band.

In the movie there's a scene where they're interviewing a lesbian couple.  This stands out to me for a couple of reasons.  Firstly, the femme lesbian is wearing a fur headband/bonnet type of thing and when we saw it Mistress said she thought I would look good in one of those.  Secondly, the dialogue.

The dialogue from this scene reads as follows:
Christy Cummings: It's interesting, we have kind of a family dynamic going on here which pretty much mirrors what I grew up with, I'm the mommy slash daddy, the taskmaster, the disciplinarian.
Sherri Ann Cabot: Mr. Punishment over here.
Christy Cummings: But I also reward and Sherri Ann is responsible for the unconditional love.


These lines really stuck with me as to how I felt about the D/s lifestyle and the roles I envisioned.  She was my taskmaster/disciplinarian and granter of rewards while I was her unconditional love.  It was an odd day and I still blush when I think about it.

Emasculation Tool: Tears

If you have been active in the lifestyle for a while you have probably seen or been a part of a situation where a Domme made a sub cry.

While this might be fairly easy with the right kind of pain, what about making it happen in the absence of pain? 

Some comments by Clarence on one of my earlier posts as well as Lady Grey's post, The Big Take-Away got me thinking about this topic a bit.

I've known quite a few Dommes over the years that get off by making a sub cry (although it's not always guilt-free on her part).  Guilt aside, I think the act of a man crying at a woman's hand is one of the ultimate forms of emasculation.  I have been made to cry during D/s activities on more than one occasion and I've been able to understand that (at least in my case) a sub's tears are the last resistance before surrender. 

This got me thinking about how to make a sub cry without the use of physical pain.  This might take the form of severe chastisement/scolding, the threat of something bad/terrible, or the knowledge of loss before the actual sense of loss has set in.

Breaking down a sub with words is fairly easy and can often stray into the realm of dishonesty or verbal abuse, but all in all, it's a fairly straight-forward idea.  Making a sub cry via threat or loss takes a bit more creativity on the Domme's part.  Basically, it takes a pretty significant mind-fuck. 

Threats are interesting but in order to be effective they must be believable.  "I'll take pictures of you dressed as a girl and post them on the internet and email all of your friends and family" might be possible, but in cases of an LTR both parties will wish to protect some semblance of privacy so that might not be a credible threat.  The best threats tend to be based upon actual experiences.  If you have him do something terribly painful or humiliating, the threat of repeating that activity might be enough.  This might be a very severe beating or some public humiliation.  If you practice a chastity lifestyle this might also serve as fuel. 

If the past experience was bad enough, it should be ingrained in his memory and probably carry some mild post-traumatic stress symptoms.  If a Domme is consistently strict, the mere mention of this activity and the implication that it will happen may bring him to tears.  These tears are an act of resistance, if it was surrender he would likely just nod or answer in compliance. 

The downside with threats is that they will eventually have to come true or they will lose their power.  To keep them alive the terrible activity will have to happen often enough to make its threat scarily real.

The knowledge of loss vs. the actual sense of loss is a bit more complicated.  It's easiest to illustrate with an example.  Let's say as a punishment she informs him that he will not be allowed to orgasm for a year and pulls out a Neosteel (or similar) chastity belt.  His immediately reaction might be to beg and/or to weep and cry.  These tears are shed at the knowledge of loss and attempt to prevent it and are very different tears than the tears he may shed 6 months down the road when he is still 6 months away from an orgasm with no chance of release. 

The key to instigating this type of tears is to key in on things that are important to him.  Cruel?  Sure.  Effective?  Yes. 

Courting Tips: Avoiding the Second Childhood

This is my first "real post" in quite a while... the first time my head has been clear enough to write something... :)

The "typical male fantasy" when it comes to Femdom often overwhelms newer Dommes, especially in cases where a vanilla wife/girlfriend discovers her lover is a closet submissive that wants her to be Dominant. 

One of the biggest negatives that women often face is the thought that she will have to do too much and have to work too hard in order to live up to what she feels he expects of her (and what may have been portrayed to her in fetish fiction, websites, etc.). One example of this is the thought that her independent equal will be reduced to a helpless, childlike state.  While there are Dommes out there that love to micro-manage or act as a cold-hearted slave-driver unleashing her inner prison guard, in my experiences these cases are quite rare.  In most cases, the thought of having to instruct her sub on how to dress, what to eat, when to go to the bathroom, watch over him to make sure his tasks are completed, etc. are probably laborious and tedious. 


One of the keys in maintaining a healthy, long-term relationship is to recognize how to balance autonomous action with control.

In many ways a sub may be very much like a child.  A few examples might be:
-Limited freedoms. 
-Rules to follow.
-Household chores.
-Rewards and punishments.

-A curfew or checking-in.
-An allowance.
-Must answer to an authority figure.

However, unlike children, subs shouldn't need a baby sitter.  A submissive is an adult that should be fully capable of functioning independently if needed, the only difference being the parameters of freedom.  Basically, they must behave responsibly like an adult but without the freedom of an adult.  This breaks down the common male fantasy in many ways but makes things more realistic to integrate into a lifestyle.  It is also what separates children from adults.

If a Domme orders the sub to clean the bathroom, she shouldn't need to oversee him or constantly check-up on him to make sure he is doing a good job and not screwing around (unless cracking the whip while he scrubs gets her off). 

I think this is one of the keys to maintaining most D/s relationships, especially ones that are in their infancy.  It's up to the sub to relinquish freedom while still maintaining a true level of responsibility.

Latest drawing

Here is my latest drawing.  I started with a base picture and built my own silhouette around it.  It took a bit more work since I had to add the body parts that weren't included in the original picture.  I also tried to do more with hair, although it didn't turn out how I wanted it to and my hair-drawing abilities still rank feeble at best.

I hope you enjoy it.  I included the original picture I used for the base as well.  It's basically the same jacket that was in my previous one... and it's a style that I absolutely love.

Yet another drawing

I just really haven't felt like writing much lately... that's not to say there aren't things that I need to sort out... it's just that I don't really see a positive conclusion that I could reach and it's really a downer emotionally.

So... I'll just keep on drawing until I find myself in a better place in my mind.

Tonight I did an experiment and created my own silhouette to build upon from a picture that I've had saved for years.  It's one of my favorites and I stumbled upon it before I had ever entered the BDSM lifestyle so it has quite a bit of sentimental value in that regards.

I know it's not the most creative thing in the world... to basically copy something that has already been done but I enjoyed doing it and I think it has turned out better than anything else I have done so far (although I still suck at drawing hair).  I added legs and a sub kneeling at her feet in the same outfit that I posted a few drawings ago.  You can use your imagination as to what she is having him do with his mouth.

I have included the original photo as a comparison.

Next drawing

Thanks to everyone for the support so far.

I'm probably going to stick to portrait-type drawings until I improve my skills a bit but I figured I'd post something a bit more "scene-ish."

More drawing

I promise I'll respond to comments in the next day or two.  This is another pic I did last night... and it ended up being a pain in the ass and took about 4 hours longer than I wanted it to.  Thanks for the feedback so far.

Another drawing

I still plan to reply to comments soon but I wanted to post this drawing that I finished this morning.

This is a design of a winter coat and outfit that I had pictured for my Mistress.  I'm not quite as happy as I could be with how it turned out, but hopefully my artistic skills will improve over time if I keep practicing. 

Drawing

A few weeks ago I picked up a drawing tablet for my computer.  It's something I've wanted for years but didn't buy one until now.

I'm good at a lot of things, but sadly, drawing never has been one of them.  Over the years I've always wished I was a more talented artist since there were many ideas and scenarios I've had go through my mind or dreams that I wanted to be able to share in a visual format.   I have done some sketches here and there but I'm usually very ashamed of my poor drawing ability.  Learning to do artwork on the computer has always appealed to me since I don't end up rubbing through the paper from erasing so many times and there's lots of existing art to build off of.

Over the years my Mistresses have often wanted certain serving outfits that just didn't exist in any form without having to make them ourselves or commission someone to make them for us.  Since getting the drawing pad and some new software I've entered the realm of vector-based art... which is an entirely new thing to me.  Since I've needed a mental escape from some of the more emotional things going on right now I've been killing time messing around with drawings and figuring out the new software during some of my free time. 

My first attempt at a drawing was a D/s scenario that I tried to do free-hand.  Unfortunately I'm rather terrible at drawing accurate body proportions and I just wasn't happy with how that was turning out so I decided to try a few new pictures using a vector silhouette as a starting point, modifying it a bit, and then filling in the details over it.

While I'm very self-conscious about my drawings, I figured an anonymous place like an anonymous blog is probably a place that I can share it without getting my feelings crushed too badly.

Just to get my neurosis out of the way...

I know I'm terrible at (and trying to get better at):
-shading
-drawing faces (especially eyes and mouthes)
-accurate body proportions
-drawing hands and feet

The original art for this is much bigger and I didn't realize just how much detail would be lost when I shrunk/compressed it so a few details that might not be clear:
-Yes, that is supposed to be a CB-2000.
-The chain across the chest is attached to nipple rings and the letters spelling "Sissy Boi" are supposed to be letter-shaped charms dangling from the chain.
-The belt is padlocked on.

I just found the command to easily outline things so I converted another version with borders around everything.  If you think one looks better than the other, please let me know.

If anyone has any feedback or requests, please let me know.  All I ask is to please keep criticism constructive.

A little update

Well, it's been a while since I logged into my blog... probably the longest I've gone without logging in since I started it back in April.

Over the past few weeks life has been rocky at best and almost unbearable at its worst.  Mistress and I have had quite a few heavy arguments and there has been a few times where we almost broke up and there was a stretch there where that seemed almost inevitable.

We have agreed to try to work through things but our lives haven't stabilized yet in regards to that.  I'm still a bit conflicted in my head right now and just haven't had the desire to write. 

I will try to catch up on my reading of other blogs and respond to all of the comments left here soon.

Shopping

Things are a bit rocky right now but Mistress and I managed to go out shopping a few days ago.

Each year we go out looking for a coat or two for her and build an entire wardrobe around it with coordinating gloves, boots, hat/headband, scarf, purse, etc.  Some years are better than others for what we find, especially when it comes to finding good deals.  We can dedicate a modest budget to this endeavor each year but sometimes we get lucky with sales/clearances and end up being able to afford two or three coats/outfits for her. 

We were able to find a coat or two that fit her style but not in her size.  The search will continue.

We did stumble upon a few items that she picked out for me.  She knows it pushes my buttons because when she approaches me with it and says something I'm unable to talk and I turn red.  This year's women's winter clothing seems to be a mix of some odd downplayed colors, diva-bling, and some very frou frou items.  She tends to prefer dressing me in the latter so I usually know what to expect.

At one store she found a pair of pink faux fur leg warmers.  Neither of us really care for faux but once she saw them I knew we weren't leaving without buying them.  At another store we found a few items, first was a pair of off-white mittens trimmed with white fur and a matching off-white hat trimmed with white fur.  After some deliberation she decided to pass on those since we already have a lot of similar items and she picked out a pair of huge, fluffy baby blue fox fur earmuffs.  She held them up over my head to put them on me and then laughed when she saw me cringe and rubbed the fur on my face while calling me a sissy.  She then said, "I think we're going to get you baby blue this year," and we ended up getting the earmuffs.

When we got back she made me model them for her until she had to get ready for work, when she had me lay on the bed face down while she gave me a spanking and then had to leave.

How Things Change

I realized this past weekend just how much my daily mindset has changed since I first started writing this blog.  I kind of regret bursting out my first 40 posts or so before I really had many readers.  I think a few of those earlier posts would be useful to some of you out there.  If you find any that you would like me to re-post, please let me know here or by email.

When I first started writing it was for catharsis and understanding.  Now that I have written quite a bit and come to terms with many of the emotions that had confused me before, I find myself craving input and comments from others to find inspiration for writing.  Thank you to everyone who has posted comments or emailed me, those are the things that seem to keep me going. 

Adjusting Our Arrangement

As I wrote a couple of posts ago, Mistress and I  have been going through some hard times on a relationship level. The fire hadn't been burning for quite some time.  After several discussions and a few arguments that almost led to us breaking up in the past week, we were finally able to communicate a bit and reach some common ground and understanding, and the spark managed to relight a bit.

We went out shopping and when we returned Mistress put on the sweater I got for her last X-mas and jumped my bones.  I fell into a pretty hard subspace and in that state I fell into the person that she has wanted me to be (and she let me know that).  Then I tried to talk about things, honestly, from my submissive state.

While we have been together for several years, I have a few more years worth of BDSM experience having served several Mistresses in the past before I met her.  She was rather new when we met and she doesn't have a large repository of experiences with other subs to draw from in terms of techniques or continuous lifestyle dominance.  She has tried a few things in the past that didn't work very well and they seemed to have shattered her confidence to the point where she was unwilling to do much or say much about her needs.  The reason I'm mentioning this now is because it will hopefully clarify a bit what happened next.

When we started to talk it became abundantly clear that she sought out ways to make me be this way more consistently.  I had been craving this subspace for what felt like months and I did what my gut told me to do, which was to lay out a road map to help guide her.  This was received and appreciated by her.  I know it was pretty much topping from the bottom, but at the same time it was what she wanted me to do:  open up and tell her what things put me and kept me in subspace. 

I was intoxicated with the moment, my love for her, and the submissive feelings that I crave so much that I just started to say some things even though I knew in my head I will likely regret many of the things I told her.

1.  Do not pay any attention to my penis during play.  While I get very aroused during play and enjoy having sexual pleasure, once I hit a certain level of arousal it tends to cloud my head and my priority becomes finding a way to climax more than pleasuring her.  While my orgasms always wait until after hers, over the past year or so, she has started to tease my cock too early into the play session for me to remain in a state that is dominated by submission rather than arousal.  My advice was to ignore my cock (or even lock it up in chastity) and to focus on her own things.  If she caught me playing with myself at all during play I told her to flip me over and spank me (which is something she really enjoys doing). 

2.  Play shouldn't always end with my orgasm.  I shouldn't orgasm during play.  Post orgasm I go into the standard exhausted/selfish state that men are prone to.  If she wants me to be more affectionate after play I just shouldn't orgasm.  During the times that we are very sexually active I tend to have problems with plumbing backups that lead to blue balls/pain.  My orgasms should be used only ease that state or prevent it from becoming too painful.  I also asked her to come up with some form of ritual or circumstances in order to make my orgasms a shameful experience (which is more likely to avoid sub drop in its aftermath).

I had reached a state of swollen discomfort by the time I had made her orgasm a dozen times or so, so she did allow me to orgasm afterward.  She had me wear a pink hat with a fur pom pom and had me masturbate into the toilet while she twisted my nipples.  About two minutes after orgasm it donned on me what I had told her and I was thinking "I don't think I really want that."  It's weird, because deep down I do know I really want that, but I also don't want it. 

I realize now that I hadn't talked about those ideas before even though I knew my submissive side wanted them.  Usually I would hit such an aroused state where it went beyond the point of submission and I really wanted to cum. 

In my previous relationships this wasn't as much of an issue since they were a bit more well-versed in lifestyle dominance and most days were kept full of surprises and kink.  I shouldn't really try to over-think it I guess, just see how things go and try to work from there.

The Matching Game

Some entries by Mistress at Forever Hers and Queen Goddess at I am Her Maine Sub got me thinking back to some of my experiences over the years. 

When I was with one of my previous Mistresses we used to shop a lot.  I enjoyed shopping with her and helping her pick out her clothes and/or finding gifts for her.  She would ask for my opinions and I would give her my honest reactions, so many of her clothes were things that she knew I thought looked sexy on her.

We were very much in love and when I'm in love I have a tendency to get a bit playful.  She would describe it as bratty and she would let me do it because it would fire her up and she enjoyed beating the brat out of me (which happened quite often).  Because this often happened in public and it would be a while until we could be alone she began carrying some punishment items along with her on our trips.  Sometimes these were new surprise items that she had purchased without me and other times it was something we already owned, but she always let me know about them and they served as a looming threat to keep me in line (or if she got turned on enough and her dominance kicked into gear).  It might have been a pair of panties she would order me to go put on in the public bathroom or something more flagrant like a pair of pink earmuffs or a pink beanie. 

Even if I wasn't acting up she would sometimes try on a new pair of leather gloves or a pair of boots that got her very turned on and the punishment item would get pulled out.  In these cases I either had to wear them or was allowed to keep them in my pocket but she would decide we should go shopping for some matching items... perfectly matching.  As you probably know, with the exception of true white and true black, just about every color has thousands of variations of shades and hues.  This made this "game" rather difficult.

She might put a pair of pink fuzzy angora gloves on my hands and we would then go shopping for a matching scarf and hat.  Well, it was more like I would go shopping while she watched me.  I would be browsing the women's winter items and have to hold the item and compare its color against the color of the gloves and find something that was a perfect match (and hope that no one else would see me doing it).  This might take nine or ten stores to find something close.  Close was dreadful because she wouldn't give an opinion on it and she would tell me "that's what sales girls are for," implying that if I needed reassurance that I had to approach one.  *Studies have shown that women are much more sensitive to small color discrepancies than men are. 

After a few trips where this happened she began planning it out more thoroughly and making things more difficult.  She might have me wear a pink or purple turtleneck sweater and while I was allowed to wear a coat over it, she would then have me shop for some other items to match it (e.g. tights) so I would have to open my coat to compare.  Needless to say that barely opening your coat to hold an item against your shirt to compare the color looks a lot like shoplifting.  She began to add other stipulations and criteria, like the items had to be of a similar style/attitude and shopping trips to gather entire outfits soon began happening.  Luckily not every item needed to be a perfect match, but they still had to be a common hue, differing only in shade.  e.g. a Dark Pink sweater could be accessorized with Light Pink mittens, scarf, and hat as long as the hues matched.  After a while, she wouldn't even make a list but she expected me to come up with everything we would need to complete the outfit.  If I left something out it was bad news (luckily I'm a fast learner).

In many cases, I wasn't able to find matching items and she would punish me afterward with a sound beating and some corner time. 

In hindsight, recalling this story arouses me but actually remembering how it felt to do this, these trips were really terrifying and unpleasant and didn't arouse me at all.  When she noticed that I didn't get aroused when the humiliation hit a certain point she would tease me even more. 

I think the repetition of these events spoke a lot about her type of dominance.  She loved to watch me suffer.  She loved to know how much mental anguish she was inflicting on me.  She loved it when I would cry afterward and curl up next to her and lay my head on her thigh.  She loved punishing me for failing to meet her demands.  She loved that I would over-anticipate some of her expectations and end up humiliating myself because of it.   I really did love her.

A few other examples of matching game items that we did, some of these were over the course of months/years.  Also keep in mind that none of these were ever anything close to what she would ever consider wearing:
-Starting item:  Pink Fur Earmuffs   Coordinating items:  Pink Fur Scarf, Pink Fur-Trimmed Gloves, Pink Fur Vest, a Lighter Shade of Pink Beanie, a Sweater to match the Beanie, Leggings that matched the sweater/beanie, Boots that matched the gloves, a Darker shade of Pink Skirt, a Purse that matched the skirt, and Light Pink Boots.
-Starting item: Fuschia Spandex Mini-Skirt.  Coordinating items:  Lighter Shade of Neon Pink Spandex Top, Fuschia Gloves, Fuschia Arm Warmers, Lighter Shade of Neon Pink Leggings, Fuschia Leg Warmers, Fuschia Beanie, Fuschia Canvas Shoes, and a tiny backpack. 

Repeat similar types of outfits in White, Off-White, Lavender, Baby Blue, and about 5 more shades of pink.