Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Fantasy vs. Reality - The weakness of the male mind

One thing that has always concerned me is how submissive men tend to fantasize in extreme ways, often well beyond the level of what would be reasonable and bearable in reality.  It's not that fantasizing is bad, but at what point does a man leave himself vulnerable if he is aroused and cannot make a rational decision?  I know in my own case when heavily aroused certain BDSM lifestyles/activities seem like a great idea (or at least an erotic idea) if the opportunity were to show up. 

When I return back to reality it's pretty apparent that men can get carried away pretty easily.

I have a feeling this develops in the same way that fetishes develop.  Repeated fantasizing about similar situations eventually causes these situations to escalate to a more extreme level as the previous fantasies get boring or ordinary.  I see this progression happen in most BDSM relationships, where the activities performed early on just "aren't enough" 5 years later and as a couple, they grow into new and more intense activities.

However, things aren't quite the same for the single sub male who may have spent thousands of hours fantasizing and masturbating to fictitious (or real) BDSM situations without ever experiencing most of them first hand.  Year one might have been jerking off to fantasies about being tied up.  Year two masturbation might include being tied up and beaten.  Year three might include tied up, beaten, and raped, and so forth.  All of a sudden we're at year ten and he's fantasizing about being kidnapped and shipped to a foreign country where he is sold as a slave to an abusive landowner and forced to dress in rags, wear chains 24-7 and toil away, spending his nights being beaten while locked in a jail cell.  Yikes. 

Most healthy relationships start slow.  Most well-functioning BDSM relationships often work a bit backwards, working from basically getting to know you to kinky activities to really getting to know you.  Dominant women really hold all the cards when it comes to BDSM dating.  They can make outrageous demands and there's going to be several hundred sub men trying to (or at least claiming to be able to) meet those demands.  At least a few of them can and that is how many kinky relationships start.

The point of caution is that, let's say Joe Sub is a lamb (no real BDSM experience) and he's in year ten of his jerk off fantasies... Joe Sub sees an ad for a Domme promising a lifestyle like his year ten fantasy and he writes to her.  If she is truly a cruel sociopathic sadist, Joe Sub has just bitten off waaaaaaaay more than he could chew.  In reality, Joe Sub is probably one of 200 subs that have written to her that day and will likely end up in the trash folder, but on the off chance that she is looking for multiple slaves, Joe Sub might be in big trouble.

I guess my point is, sub men need to be very careful in keeping themselves at least somewhat grounded, especially those who have never acted upon their deepest kinky desires because the longer they are allowed to fester untapped, the more they will build and at some point, something very wrong might seem very right. 

My advice to Dommes would be to keep this in mind and go ahead and exploit us weak males for all we're worth.

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