Tuesday, March 30, 2010

List Making

My ex had a thing for inflicting heavy amounts of humilation.  Probably the only thing she might have enjoyed more was inflicting mental anguish over the anticipation of upcoming humiliation.  One of the things that drew her to me was my creativity and ability to think outside the box.  This led to what would be one of her favorite recurring assignments for me: making lists.

That might sound simple in a lot of ways, especially since it isn't that hard to rattle off a list.  What made it difficult was her expectations of me in making said list.  These lists usually entailed coming up with a list of humiliating things, punishments, unpleasant activities, etc.  A "good" list meant that they were things that would be incorporated into our lifestyle.  A "bad" list led to punishment and trying over and over until it met her standards.  To make a good list, everything on the list couldn't be too general but it couldn't be too specific either.  Also, anything that was completely ordinary... in a way that it was "already a given" was not acceptable.  It's tough to really explain it well, but a few examples might help to clarify things a bit.  For example, if I was given the task of listing a humiliating piece of feminine clothing for a sissy to wear, a bra or panties would not be an acceptable answer since by her assumptions, sissies should already be wearing a bra and panties so it would have to be beyond those items.  Another example would be coming up with a list of creative sexual punishments.  Something like orgasm denial wouldn't count because it was already a regular activity.    

She had me do these types of lists quite often, I think for a few reasons.  She wanted me to stay focused and always push the envelope of my limits.  She wanted me to think of things she would enjoy that were not things I would offer to her otherwise.  Mainly though, I think she just really took genuine pleasure at my mental anguish from being forced to come up with unpleasant ideas that were going to eventually be used on me. 

I will probably post some of these lists from time to time, but this is their back story.

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