Fetishism in Men and Women

I spent a long time trying to come to terms with fetishes that I developed over the years and did a lot of research on the hows and whys of fetish development.  While reflecting upon the information I had gathered that was generally accepted amongst the psychiatric community I started to think about why there was such a gender imbalance in fetish communities on the internet.  Men tend to outnumber women by such a wide margin it got me thinking about the double standards for what is acceptable for men and women to relate with sexually.

Fetishes generally develop by repeated masturbation to a particular subject matter over a long period of time.  In order to avoid developing a fetish it is recommended to keep a wide variety of subject matter/fantasies that you masturbate to.  Why then are men more prone to develop a strong sexual obsession over something in particular than women?  The conclusion I came to was that women tend to be more open sexually, are able to communicate these things (especially with other women), and society is generally more accepting of things that turn women on so that there is no guilt or shame for them to feel that way.

If a woman gets turned on every time she wears leather pants the tendency is for her friends to accept that about her, her lovers will most likely enjoy that she can be easily turned on in that way, and she can simply wear leather pants whenever she wants to and have a very strong and guilt-free sexual response.

On the other hand, if a typical heterosexual man were to have the same turn on, his friends would likely belittle him if they knew, his lovers would probably think he was weird unless they shared that as a turn on, and in most situations he couldn't wear leather pants around without receiving at least a mild negative response.

Thus it is the man that keeps his desires bottled up inside and secret from the rest of the world, masturbating while fantasizing about his turn on and feeling ashamed and guilty afterward for it being something a bit out of the ordinary (he wasn't thinking about breasts, vaginas, legs, etc.).  Fast forward this several years and what began as a simple turn on has grown into an obsession or fetish.

A tip I would have for women, if you find a man and really want to make him yours, find out his deepest and darkest fetishes and fantasies and accept him as is.  You do not need to go along with his actual fetishes, just merely convince him that he is okay in your eyes and isn't all that weird.  While keeping him feeling a bit self-conscious about what really turns him on might not be the most emotionally healthy road to travel, it does give you leverage for exerting power in the relationship.

I had been fantasizing about confident women dressed in fur coats for over a decade and feeling ashamed and guilty about being more turned by that than a naked woman before a woman made me feel okay about myself for feeling that way.  By that time it was too late... the fetish was set in stone and a confident woman in a fur coat instantly makes me weak in the knees.