Thoughts on the existence of the Dominant Female

Originally Written: 10/18/17

 

This is a follow up post to: Thoughts on the existence of the submissive male

I may be making a lot of references to that post as I don’t wish to restate things that I have already said.
Dominant women face their own set of challenges in this world of kink.  While many of them tend to be in leadership roles in local BDSM groups, there is often a mixed response to them from the male dominants.  It seems a portion of the dominants respect them as equals and share a sense of camaraderie about being in a similar role with similar responsibilities.  There is another portion of male dominants that tend to be… less receptive to the idea.  From an outsider’s perspective it looks like they are threatened, but exude a “a woman should know her place” attitude.

There tend to be enough of that second kind to give a weird sort of vibe but thankfully, the first type tend to be more visible and help to balance things off.  One observation is that submissive women tend to treat dominant women with respect towards their role.  However, submissive women tend to not relate to dominant women.  It’s like… I respect you, I like you, but we are different.  While this has always struck me as a bit odd, I consider it a better level of existence than being seen as less than a person.

One of the other dangers of the “women are weak” mentality is that there are very few submissive women that are encouraged to explore their dominant side.  It’s like this great taboo that is not meant to be talked about or even thought about.

Most women switches that I know tend to lean VERY sub heavy and when they do switch dominant, it is either a) as a service top to their dominant lover who occasionally enjoys bottoming or b) only dominant to other women.

Basically, there’s very little support to encourage women to even envision themselves in a dominant role.  From my experiences, there are women who are submissive through their sexuality to their core.  I have also met women that are kinky and assume themselves to be submissive (because that’s the way it is).  With this type, some discover they are either a dominant or a switch much later on.  In these cases, they hadn’t even considered the idea of dominance.  Something interesting about this type is that they are often mirrors of what enjoy in both roles.  e.g. if they like(d) being spanked while in the sub/bottom role, they like spanking while in the dominant/top role.  Confidence and self-esteem are often the missing catalyst for the formation of dominance.

With all of this in mind, I believe that most of the dominant women practicing lifestyle D/s out there knew they were dominant for a very long time.  I just have to wonder if the number of dominant women would be much greater if a woman that was kink-curious wasn’t immediately assumed to be submissive and led down that path.

I know a good number of submissive women that have given up on submission because they could never find a dominant partner they could trust enough.  It’s odd to me that so many of them leave the lifestyle completely rather than consider being the one who needs to be trusted.  I have seen quite a few men become dominants because they liked kink and couldn’t find a dominant woman.  The shortage seems to continue as time goes on even while the number of people entering into the kink lifestyle keeps on growing.

All in all, I feel like dominant women are amazing and I am happy that they exist at all