Thoughts on Imagination

Originally Written: 10/17/17

Twice in the past week I have found myself giving the advice to envision dominance.  What I know to be true is that people don’t like to do this and it leaves me a bit puzzled.  I find that I could pretend to be a female dominant, a male dominant, or even a female submissive (although I don’t quite understand the arousal differences between genders) if it came to picturing a role, a personality, and a set of feelings.

Doing this improves my submission.  It allows me to check up on my own submission to make sure it is a desirable form.  It helps me learn to anticipate needs well before they are asked for.  It lets me check and make sure that my own desires make sense in the context of the relationship, or if it’s just some selfish wanker fantasy that I would be better off never thinking about again.

Doing this also strengthens relationships because you attempt to get a feel for how your partner thinks, feels, and processes what happens around them.  You begin to see where they are strong and where they can use support.  You get an idea of their motives… what drives them… what is it they are really chasing?  You get an idea of their responsibilities and how they will perceive what you are offering.  Are you a handful?  Does a specific habit or desire make their life easier or harder?

How do I hurt you in a good way?  How do I apply enough dominance to keep you in a pleasant mental space without causing actual damage?  How do I focus on me, but in a way that also includes you?  How do I keep you aroused and wanting through seemingly ordinary activities?  How do I pull the strings to make you rise and fall in submission to make sure that you are always right where I want you?  How do I maintain an environment conducive to this and keep both parties in their happy place?

If you imagine yourself as the target, you should be able to answer all of these questions quite easily.  The more you grow to understand, you should be able to picture the applicable questions and probably answers for pretty much any role and gender.

I find it strange when people tell me they can’t imagine being dominant.  To be honest, this absolutely puzzles me.  I’m pretty certain that anyone and everyone has at some point in time desired to get what they want, even if it’s for a singular period of time.  e.g. it’s my birthday, everyone should dote on me, shower me with gifts and attention, and I get to decide what we are all doing.  Happy day.  Envisioning dominance is a lot like that (although, the term “birthday suit” will have some slightly different connotations).

If someone said, “I can’t picture confidence,” I can totally believe that.  I think everyone can picture power and desire.

One of the occasions where I used the imagination route, although to be fair, I did actually word it as “maybe try switching once,” and followed it up later with an explanation was pretty much avoided completely.  It was the answer I gave to the question, “How do you know where the line is between D/s and abuse?”

My belief is that the correct answer to this question is: When the reason behind what you are doing no longer includes, “us.”  As long as something is “good for us,” “good for the relationship,” etc., it is safe to say that this is D/s.  When “us” no longer exists in the motive, that is when abuse can happen.  However, truly understanding this likely requires experience with switching or having a very realistic imagination.

You’ll find a whole lot of answers come clear if you work your imagination.