There are a large variety of reasons that people engage in forced feminization and sissification. I do not plan to write about them all in this post. These are how it has pertained to me in the course of my D/s relationships and life.
A specific form of forced feminization has been the strongest control dynamic imaginable in my relationships. It is not meant to be pleasurable. I am not supposed to appear more feminine or pretty. I am not supposed to behave in a feminine manner.
Forced feminization has been a means of control. It is meant to make me ultimately pliable, obedient, and docile. It is meant to fill me with shame and humiliation. It is there to fill me with dread at the thought of being seen by anyone else but her. It is the boogieman waiting in the shadows, ready bring me to tears at a moment's notice.
Forced feminization breaks me. It breaks my spirit. It breaks my will. It squashes any form of resistance left in me. I feel awful. I feel grotesque. It keeps me in a state without dignity or confidence.
When I am feminized I am terrified. I hate how I feel. I hate how I look. I want to run and hide but I don't dare disobey, because it can always get worse. When she teases me it turns me on and I become absolutely certain that no one else in the world would ever want me... except for her. She becomes my beacon... my lifeline... and the only one that I feel safe with.
"I like you this way."
Those words fill me with anguish because it will not stop. The feelings and panic swirl around and confuse my conflicted mind.
"I like you this way and I'll keep you this way forever."
This calms the storm in my heart and fills it with love. She will keep me forever. Knowing that, I don't care what she does to me. She will keep me forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment