Originally Written: 10/16/17
I’ve had something on my mind a bit lately in regards to the idea of
strong submissives. This sub type has dozens of different names that
you may have encountered it under. I have seen it called an alpha
submissive (which I don’t really like as a term), warrior submissive,
Queen/Knight relationship, and so on. Basically, this is someone that
is strong, independent, and capable that chooses to submit to someone
else.
It’s hard to make broad sweeping generalizations about D/s
relationships that involve this type of submissive because the reasons
aren’t all black and white. While the dominant is seen as strong, the
submissive is also seen as strong. While the dominant may wish to force
their submission at times, it is as much offered freely as it is
taken. Submission is given out of love and reverence, but at times
there may be some fear involved. Rather than nail down a concrete
definition of this, my point is more to illustrate that this type of
submissive has free will, thoughts, feelings and all that jazz. They
have strong personal qualities, the ability to make decisions, and a
heart full of devotion.
These types of submissives are frequently the “life partner” submissives.
What is interesting to me is that in F/m, a very high percentage of
Dommes are seeking this type of sub. By contrast, this type of
submissive seems to only make up a fraction of the female submissive
population.
In the past when I have talked about this, the theories that Em over
at Emdimensional and I came up with were focused heavily upon the
nurturing characteristics of male dominants and possibly the prehistoric
species-level instinct of women to want to mate with a strong male.
e.g. the male dominant says, “I want to protect you.” The female
dominant says, “I want you to protect me.”
Regardless of the validity of those theories, in F/m you will find a
very low percentage of submissive men in loving, monogamous, long-term
relationships that someone might perceive as “weak.” In M/f, you will
find a number of submissive types that if this were a parent/child
relationship you would look up on and think, “they are being enabled,”
and these types are nearly non-existent in F/m relationships.
One factor that may play into this heavily is how each gender has its
dominant “sold” to them. In M/f I find there is a lot greater emphasis
placed around sexual acts. Get what you want, whenever you want it.
Be in control. Take charge. A lot of people seem to see this and
think, “blowjobs whenever I want them? Sign me up.” I do not mean to
say that there aren’t male dominants that embrace control, dynamics and
the like, I just have encountered too many piss poor dominants that used
the role for sex.
When you see people selling D/s to female dominants, it’s a
completely different pitch. Don’t lift a finger. Be pampered,
worshiped, and waited on hand and foot. Have sex on your terms. Have
him wrapped around your finger. The most common interpretation of this
ends up being centered around lifestyle improvements. e.g. he does the
chores, you get to do what you want, pick where to eat, what to watch,
and so on. Play? If it exists at all, it is whatever she wants.
Why are these things so drastically different? The only answer that I
have is that there is a greater variety of male dominants that are
looking for different things. By contrast, you will find very few male
pets, male littles, and the like leading lifestyle D/s relationships
because most female dominants seek very specific types of male subs.
Another oddity is that even though F/m tends to have a high level of
domestic service, the trend is still to seek out strong submissives.
This, I do have an answer for based upon years of interactions with
Dommes. Most Dommes looking for a life partner are prouder and more
exhilarated by dominating someone they deem worthy. If they are the
most powerful being in the world, they would rather dominate the second
most powerful being in the world than the weakest one. They have no
interest in the spineless, they have every interest in the strong back
that bends only to them… even if it is simply to have that strong back
cook, clean, and tend to the garden.
This is where a lot of male subs go awry. Many think they are
proving themselves worthy by how little personality they have, when this
frequently has the opposite effect.
In many ways I think it would be useful for people of both roles and
both genders to understand what else is out there and the why behind
it. People who are getting started tend to imitate what they see others
doing and this can either open up or close off options.
As a male submissive I do not have options. I must be a strong sub.
That is the acceptable role for me to be. Even a sadist that wishes to
break me and erase my person would rather break the strong sub vs.
someone that is already broken. As such, I have had to revise my ideals
over time to match what is desired. I have had to actualize these
ideals in order to be chosen. This heavily colors my perspective on the
lifestyle, but in many ways this is not all bad, as it is often the
missing perspective when it comes to helping others.
I find sharing this view helps a lot when interacting with female
subs, especially those who are coupled with dominants that are not
natural sadists. When problems arise in those cases, it is sometimes a
helpful question to ask, who does he want to submit to him? Xena
Warrior Princess or slave girl #7 off in the corner? The answer isn’t
always the one that is most desired by the sub, but sometimes it can
provide that little glimpse of where things are going awry.
In some ways, the limited options in F/m make it a lot easier to
anticipate what a dominant is looking for. On the other hand, limited
options… are limiting. There are days where I would be absolutely
certain I could make a kick-ass pet, but the realist in me knows that
will never happen.
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