Friday, May 13, 2016

Reflections part 2x: Additional Observations in Hindsight

I'm not sure if it's wise to take a break in the process right now but there are a few things that have really stood out to me that I don't think received proper weight within the original posts.  They don't really fit in wit the flow but are this I wanted to make note of.

K was really amazing.  While it was happening I remember struggling a lot with how certain things would happen.  If you look at things as normal mode, sub mode, and slave mode, there were times when the dynamic would abruptly shift and an entirely different set of expectations would appear without cue or warning.  I think as a submissive this was probably the most difficult obstacle in the relationship and I remember it feeling like "why is she doing this?  It's really messing me up in a bad way."

Looking back now, it makes perfect sense.  K had been a Domme say, 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year... that is still pretty much a novice.  With what I know now, it usually takes years before a Domme is fully confident and capable of establishing a consistent and gratifying D/s dynamic in a relationship for extended periods of time.  While K's version wasn't perfect, it was light-years beyond what would normally be expected given her place on the learning curve.  While in the moment it may have been frustrating and in early hindsight it may have seemed confusing and wrong, looking back now I see just how amazing she really was.  The effort she put in and how much she must have loved me is abundantly clear now and I am forever appreciative of it.

Something else I noticed is that I actually chronicled a very important D/s event that will probably end up with its own blog entry.  While I realized it while I was writing it, there didn't really seem to be a good place to elaborate on it, but I can pinpoint the exact moments that K broke me.  These were very pivotal events over the course of my submissive development and caused a shift in the fundamental nature of my submission.  These were from 2d with the hat and 2e right before I came.  I there is only one other time in mt life when this has happened (it will be in part 5) but the internal process and how it changed me was pretty much the same.


  1. I don't know what to say... my heart hurts...

    1. Thank you, Misty.

      Just having people read and leave comments is enough.

      Take care.