Reflections part 2e: slavespace and Feminization

I realized that K must have been doing research ever since she got home.  That was how she seemed to approach new things in D/s.  She would read everything she could both informational writings as well as fetish and fantasy writings.  I was still unable to wrap my head around what was going on.

Later on I found a pic similar to this one in my mailbox:

It included a message saying "they're called ruffle-butt panties, aren't they cute?"

K refused to chat with me until I finished the assignment she had given me to find pictures of embarrassing fur items.

The list included the following (although the reasons are extremely abbreviated vs. what I wrote her originally.  These aren't the original pictures either):

1. Big fur earmuffs.  They just look super silly.

 


2. A fur muff.  You can't use your hands.  I included a link to the story I had found on the old ntcweb forums of On Parade in Fur

3. Fur pom pom hats.  They look silly.

 



4. Fur leg warmers.  Super girlie and funny looking.



5. Fur-trimmed mittens.  Warm but they limit hand use and coordination.  Very out of place on a man if they are frilly looking.

I sent off the list and included the pictures.  K didn't reply back to me until the following evening.  I was worried she was angry but she just wanted some time to digest things and investigate.  She informed me that earlier that day she had gone to the local fur and leather shop and really delved into what they had.

"How come none of the furs you like me to wear look like those?" she asked.
"They aren't sexy.  I think it's sexy when you look powerful."
"I tried some of those on today at the shop.  They aren't sexy.  I took some pictures if you want to see them."

I replied yes.  She sent the selfies that she had captioned.  She was making silly faces in most of them.  K had found a pair of huge fox fur earmuffs.  The first was labeled "Uber-Geek Chic."  Another said "I think these are bigger than my head..."  She informed me she wasn't able to take a picture of the mittens since she she couldn't hit the camera button with them on.  Also, they didn't have any hats that were "that bad" at the shop but she understood what I meant.  The leg warmers actually looked really good on her as they suited her figure well.  The picture was captioned "I guess these are sort of sexy..."

One of the funnier moments was to follow.  Mistress went on a 15 minute rant about fur muffs and her experience in the store.  She was quite animated as she recounted the story.
"I don't get it!!!"
The employee replied, "you put your hands in each end to keep you warm?"
"No, that part I get, I don't get who would use one of these instead of gloves."
"I don't really know," they replied.
"Like, what are you supposed to do with it when you don't have your hands inside of it?"
"This has a wrist strap and you hang it from your wrist?"

She hung it from her wrist and started to move her arm around.

"This thing is huge.  If I hung it from my wrist it would swing all over like a wrecking ball and knock everything over in sight if I wanted to move my arm."
"Well, you are supposed to use it in place of a purse," they replied.
"How?"
The employee showed her a pocket hidden in the fur.  She pressed her hand into the pocket.
"In place of a purse?  I couldn't even fit a tampon in there!"

At this point the employee started to laugh.
"I don't get it!!!"
K picked up another one and slid them up each forearm, extending her arms out making fake punching sounds.

We had a good laugh about it together.
"You know, I did think about getting one for you, that way I could take you out in public with your hands chained together and no one would know."
My face flushed a hot red and my penis went erect.  I didn't say anything.

She used this chance to tease me.
"Are you a sissy slave right now?"
"I don't feel right, Mistress."

Later that night K gave me an assignment to complete that week that I would have to do in order to get off of punishment.

"I feel weird, Mistress."
"You'll be fine."
"I don't feel okay, Mistress."
"Are you saying no to me?"

The assignment was a solo shopping trip.  K wanted me to go to a store and buy a "full set" of fur items for me to wear around the house.  It had to include at a minimum:  A hat, scarf, gloves, and earmuffs.  If there was any more items available she expected me to get those too.  She specifically mentioned mittens, a collar, headband, muff, and fur trimmed socks or leg warmers as optional but "highly encouraged" items.  She didn't care what color they were but she said they all had to match.  They could be real or faux fur.  I asked why she wanted me to get both gloves and mittens and she explained she wanted me to be able to type with gloves on but there were other times where she preferred mittens.  I was allowed to be on the phone with her at the store.

Christmas shopping season had started and all of the stores were pretty well packed but at the same time it made it look like I was shopping for a gifts for someone else.  As I drove to the store I felt my stomach gradually knotting up.  I pulled into the parking lot, found a spot, and called K.

"How do you feel?"
"I feel like I'm going to throw up."
"You'll be fine."
"I think my face is on fire, Mistress."
"You haven't even gone into the store yet and you're already embarrassed?"
"Yes, Mistress.  My cheeks, forehead, ears, they are all burning."
"You'll be fine."

Inside the store I headed for the women's accessories section.  K kept talking to me in full sentences but I kept my responses brief and without detail.

"Are there other people around you?"
"Yes."
"Are they all women?"
"Yes."
"How many are there?"
"Three."
"Are they looking at you?"
"No."
"Are you sweating?"
"Yes."
"I bet once you start touching things they will look at you."
I grunted in disapproval.
"You think they won't know but it's obvious these are for a sissy slave."
I didn't respond.
"Are you hard?"
"Yes."
"Are they looking at you?"
"One is."  I began to get even more agitated.

As I searched for items I learned a valuable lesson.  Where I live, winter accessories go up for sale mid to late September with the full line in early October.  It gets quite cold here as well.  Attempting to buy a "full set" that late in the year was not a good idea.  Everything was picked over rather hard and a complete set wasn't going to be possible there.  All items were present, but scattered across different colors.  By now I was dripping with sweat.

"They don't have it."
"Any of it? Or the full set?"
"Set."
"Are you going to get any of it?"
"No."
"Trying a different store?"
"Yes.  I have to go, is that okay?"
"Yes, call me when you get to the next store."

I got into my car and put my forehead on the steering wheel.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  I couldn't breathe and I wanted to vomit.  After about 10 minutes I started the car and drove to another store.  I called K.  Her teasing didn't bother me as much this time.  This store didn't have a matched set either and I learned another valuable lesson.

When it comes to fur items, women tend to go after the most simple/basic items or ones that they would deem "super cute" in a fashion sense.  Items that are "6 year old girl" cute or are halfway between simple and fashionably cute must not sell well because the stores were full of those.  Also, most women must favor neutral colors.  Black, Brown, Gray (anything that could qualify as unisex) were picked over.    Odd shades of purple, bright yellow, and neon pink were in abundance.  I was starting to feel overwhelmed.  I had barely made peace with trying to find the most simple black, brown, or gray items and getting the hell out ASAP.  At this point I resigned myself that this was going to embarrass me more than I had initially hoped.

The third day of shopping luck finally smiled upon me.  I found a store that had sold out of everything early in the season and had just gotten restocked on winter accessories.  By now I had grown almost accustomed to the 102 degree fever my face was burning up with and I grabbed a shopping basket.  The section was packed with people.  I began to sweat.  A quick visual scan and it looked like white would work.
"It's so noisy, there must be a ton of people around you," said K on the phone.
"Tons."
"Are they looking at you?"
"No."
"I wonder what they'd say if they knew a sissy slave was shopping for the same things as them?"
I didn't reply.
"Women are more intuitive than men, I'm sure at least a couple of them know."
I stayed silent.
"Are you hard?"
"Yes."
"You know, if you actually talked to me you would probably look less conspicuous."
"They have them."
"What do they have?"
"All of them."
"A full set?"
"Yes."
"What color?"
"White."

I had to speak loud over the hustle and bustle of Christmas shoppers.
I took a pair of fur-trimmed gloves off the rack and put them in the basket.  That's when I realized that speaking on the phone had the opposite effect.  A quick glance showed me that there were 5 women who were now watching me.  I felt like I was going to puke.

"They're looking at you now aren't they?"
"Yes."
"Are you still hard?"
"Yes."

Quickly stepping in and out of bodies I just grabbed one of everything white off the rack and put it in the basket.  Some of them were buried deep on the rack so I had to reach deep in to get them.  For some reason this one woman kept deciding to block the exact rack I was going for.  She would turn and look to where I was going then stop and pause in front of it for what felt like an hour before moving on and letting me in.  I finally finished and quickly walked out and towards the checkout.  I was dripping with sweat by now and my face was still burning up.

Another fun attribute of  shopping during the Christmas season is the checkout lines.  I found the "shortest" one, which was about 6 customers deep.  I had sort of wished I had gotten some other things as standing in a long, slow line holding a shopping basket of white fur felt awkward.

"Are you in line now?"
"Yes."
"How do you feel?"
"Not good."
"Awww."
"I wish you were here."
"I wish I was there too.  But if I was there, I'd still make you shop by yourself while I watched from a distance, but this time you'd be in tight sweatpants and a remote control vibrating cock ring.  Would you like that more?"
"No."
"You know when you say no what usually happens right?"
"Yes."
"Are you hard?"
"Yes."
"Good."

I turned my head and realized that the woman who had been blocking me in the section was directly behind me in line.  35 minutes later I could finally put my basket at the register.  I stayed on my phone like a douche bag.  The clerk removed each item, scanned them, then spent several seconds folding each item and placing them carefully into a bag.

"Can I get a gift receipt?"
"How many do you need?"
"Umm, one for each?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes and shook her head.  The woman behind me in line let out a pshaw.

"She knows those aren't even gifts," said K.  "Look at her face, she knows you're a sissy slave."
"No."
"You know, if you had only bought one or two items a gift would have been believable."
"I'm almost done."  I attempted to just small talk until it was over.
"If you had asked for one gift receipt she may have bought it."

I left the store and got into my car, hung up with K and drove home.  When I got home she was waiting online and told me to get ready to model them on cam.  I didn't even realize how much I had bought, I just grabbed one of everything.  They were all faux.  The items ended up being: one pair of gloves with fur cuffs, two pairs of earmuffs (one over the head and one with a knit around the head headband), a bucket hat, a hood with fur trim and an attached scarf, a fur scarf, a fur headband, and a fur collar that had a ribbon tie.

"Nothing with pom poms?" she asked while doing a fake, exaggerated frown.

After seeing them all, K gave me instructions to put on the collar, gloves, scarf, the pink punishment hat, and the headband earmuffs over it.  I did as instructed, my face burning hotter than when I was in the store and my penis went erect.  She gave another set of instructions to position the webcam so it was facing the mirror on my door and to call her and put her on speaker phone.

"Pinch your nipples."
I did as she said while looking at the ground.
"Look at yourself in the mirror."
"I don't want to, Mistress."
"Look at yourself, now!"
I did as instructed.  I looked ridiculous and my face was completely red.
"Your dick is hard isn't it?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Stroke it."
"Yes, Mistress."
"Keep looking at yourself."
"Yes, Mistress."
"Faster."
"Yes, Mistress."

Her breathing went erratic, I could tell she was masturbating as she continued to speak.

"Stroke it... faster..."
"Yes, Mistress."
"They... all... knew... this is... what you... would... be... doing."
I didn't respond.
"Si... ssy... slave... in pret... ty... white... fur."
I didn't respond.
"Say it!  Say you're a sissy slave!"  I could tell she was getting close to an orgasm.
"I don't feel good, Mistress."
"Say it!  Now!"
"I'm a sissy slave," I mumbled.
"I can't hear you!!"
"I'm a sissy slave."  She let out a loud moan as she came. Her breathing returned to normal.
"Yes, you're a sissy slave in pretty white fur.  Stroke it faster.  Keep looking at yourself."
"Yes, Mistress."  I continued.
"Who does this sissy slave belong to?"
"To you, Mistress."
"Yes, you... are... mine." Her breathing told me she had started again.
"Thank you, Mistress."
"Does... the... si... ssy... slave... like... his new... fur?"
"It makes me feel screwed up, Mistress."
"Why should... Mis... tress... care... how... a... slave... feels?"
I didn't respond.
"I... can... do... what... ever... I want... with you.  Oh... I'm so wet..."

K must have moved the phone near her crotch.  I could hear the sound of her fingers rubbing back and forth and it sounded like a child splashing in the bathtub.

"I'm... so... wet... sissy..."  The next sounds were mostly moans as she came for the second time in under 5 minutes.

"Keep stroking it.  Look at yourself."
"Yes, Mistress."
"Are you close?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"How close?"
"Very close, can I cum please, Mistress?"
"Not yet."
"Think about how good this feels, sissy slave.  Think about how happy this makes me.  You're going to do this whenever I want you to."
"I'm close, Mistress."
"Not yet.  Do you love me?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Does this feel good?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Does it feel good to be a sissy slave?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Moan louder."
I let out a low moan.
"Louder!"
I got louder.
"Keep going."  I frantically tried to hold back which gave me a desperate feeling inside.  The pitch of the noises coming out of my mouth started to sound more like suffering.
"Louder!"
"Can I cum please, Mistress?"
"Now cum!"

I exploded onto the mirror.  It was a vicious orgasm both volume and force.
"Thank you, Mistress. I love you."
"Clean up quickly and call me back."

I did as instructed.
"How do you feel?"
"A little weird."
"Was the orgasm good?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Are you a sissy slave?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"No, you're not.  Now come back to me.  You may remove the fur."  I undressed.
"You're my sub now, not my sissy slave.  Come back to me."
"I love you, Mistress."
"I love you to.  Now come back to me.  Do you feel better?"
"Yes, Mistress.  I feel a lot better."
"Are you my sub now?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Devoted only to me?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Good.  That was your second layer."
"It scares me, Mistress."
"It should scare you.  There's a reason that I want you to be a sub and not a slave, but I think you'll need that part of you to become comfortable with your fetishes."
"I love you so much.  How was your orgasm?"
"I think you could tell."
"You came faster than usual.  Does that mean you like that part of me better?"
"I don't know.  This is new to me.  I know I love the sub you, but I think your sissy slave is good as well."

I've realized a few things now that I didn't see back then.  Firstly, I think I was heavily blinded by her confidence that I didn't give credence to the pressure she must have felt trying to be a good Domme.  In most cases it takes years to get comfortable with and K was doing very well after a matter of months, learning while she went.  I think some of the difficulties that we had were due to the inexperience but she never shared that side with me and I sort of wish she would have.

Second, I can barely fathom just how much reading she must have done in 3 days to be able to gain some understanding of my fledgling slavespace vs. subspace and how to bring me back from it.  I know she really cared about me.

Through this I also really got a sense that K really got off on humiliation.  When I was out shopping she would just say things that would increase my self-consciousness and agitation.  As if dealing with the inner battle wasn't enough, adding doubt by getting me to focus on others was quite the cherry on top, keeping in mind that this was really my first time out doing something like this.

Random note:  If anyone finds the back and forth quotes too much of a burden to read without having a "she said" "I said" on every line, let me know and I can add them.

To be continued.