Describe
your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
Ugh. I really really really don't want to write this. I really really really really don't want to write this. I'd rather hide under the bed and pretend this prompt doesn't exist.
I've written about it hundreds of times in my fiction, so this should be easy... except it's not fiction this time and I actually have to claim it's about me. No point in chickening out now. Hell, I have lived it, so what's the big deal, right? Actually, I'm less embarrassed by writing a personal fantasy compared to fearing that someone will read this and think I'm a wanker. So be it.
My weirdest fantasy is to be the servant of the woman I love and serve. She will be strict and cruel, choosing my serving uniform, controlling my behavior, and disciplining me when necessary. My attitude, enthusiasm, and obedience will be under constant scrutiny. I will be kept busy and over-worked, both with waiting on her hand and foot pampering her, as well as taking care of every mundane task and chore. I must respond to her beck and call immediately, and just because she gives me a current order, it does not excuse me from completing my "standing list" of things to get done. e.g. if she has me take a break from cleaning to rub her feet for an hour, the cleaning still has to get done, I just have an hour less to complete it in.
Perfection is expected. Punishment makes perfect. It would be a life filled with ultimate focus upon her yet driven with an underlying fear. She may choose to make things more difficult, adding restraints or rules that limit me even further. Chastity would ensure that I stay frustrated and keep me from getting distracted. There is no praise, no please, and no thank yous. I do my job under the knowledge that it is my role and that there is an overall appreciation for my place in the relationship.
This might not seem like a sexual fantasy, but it arouses me quite a bit. I'm also aware that this requires a lot of work on the Domme's part, so I file this under fantasy as it isn't something that appeals to all. In my experiences this is very feasible over say, a weekend, but not all Dommes desire to put forth the diligence and effort in maintaining it over the long-run, and I understand that. I'm just saying, if I have a fantasy, it is this.
A very nice fantasy. Thank you for owning it and letting everyone see just how normal it is.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Miss Lily.
DeleteI still get shy sharing it publicly. I usually find it more suitable for intimate conversation.
Not weird at all, fur. As a matter of fact, it feels remarkably like certain slave days that occur in my home. I really must show this post to Karl:) Maybe I'll let him comment?!? It would be fun to see you boys empathizing with each other.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lady Grey.
DeleteIt eases my apprehensions quite a bit to hear from you and Miss Lily on this.
That would be interesting to hear from Karl. I believe he has only commented once or twice before. He's welcome to call me an apostate bastard as well :)
Take care.
Well, I did it, fur. I ordered Karl to read your fantasy and write a comment about it. What follows is exactly what he wrote:
ReplyDelete"Fur, your fantasy is very similar to mine, with a few differences that I think are important. First and foremost, I'm actually living my fantasy, and I feel remarkably lucky to be able to say that. To your desire to serve your mistress, I'd add the concept of "worship", and I think that's both necessary and vital to the fantasy's long term survival. The fact that I truly worship the woman you know as Lady Grey makes the lack of please and thank you totally palatable, and the acceptance of punishment (that invariably turns her on) becomes, at times, even desirable for that reason. Doing her bidding, surrendering to her power, feeling the pain that accompanies a punishment, seeing the evil glint in her eye and the slight smile on her lips as her predicaments go forth is not masochism on my part, I don't think, but really just part of the worship I'm talking about, if that makes any sense. Sort of, "what's good for Her Highness is more than good for me".
One other big difference is the question of "reward". Your fantasy doesn't mention that concept at all, and one shouldn't expect reward, I know, but that doesn't mean I can't fantasize about it, and when and if it comes, WOW! I'm talking about sexual reward, and there's not much that's better than that after long periods of enforced chastity, edging, etc. Really, its unexpectedness makes it all the sweeter when it happens, however rarely, and it releases enormous amounts of love that translate into even deeper levels of worship. I hope that this makes sense to you, and in spite of all the little pieces of advice that you give Her Highness concerning my "tortures", I do hope you get to fulfill your fantasies as well."
There you have it, fur. I'll leave it to you to respond.
Thank you very much, Lady Grey and Karl.
DeleteI have periods of my life that have resembled this fantasy, but they are distant memories by now. It is very lucky indeed to have the chance to experience this privilege.
"Doing her bidding, surrendering to her power, feeling the pain that accompanies a punishment, seeing the evil glint in her eye and the slight smile on her lips as her predicaments go forth is not masochism on my part, I don't think, but really just part of the worship I'm talking about, if that makes any sense."
This section makes complete sense. If that is what you describe as worship, I am all for it. F used to have me display actual symbols of "worship," as if she was a Goddess, so I have a different use of the term in my mind, but I like yours as well.
As for the lack of reward in my fantasy, this has been evolving over the years. My older fantasies always had some carrot... light at the end of the tunnel... something to chase and earn (often an orgasm). After a conversation with F (my ex) a few years ago and hearing her new stance on orgasm control and the like my fantasies gradually shifted to where there is no reward. It's difficult to articulate but my it feeds my subspace to know that pleasures I experience are simply things she chooses to do and that I have zero control over whether I experience said pleasures. Well, zero in a sense that I can definitely lose them by poor performance but I can never actually earn them. That vibe tends to crush the ego pretty deeply and pushes me very very deeply. The evolution of my fantasy in this regard has scared me.
In these cases, they are all unexpected in the way that you mention :)
Take care and it is very nice to hear from you again.